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It's been a fun week! Been sick all week, so that'll factor in a bit since it hasn't worn off yet 
Let's go ahead and start off with the topic...
Bad News
I'm a fairly worldly fellow...despite my hatred for most of humanity, I'm also well versed in a lot of different things. That said, things that offend some people simply do not offend me. This includes the usual suspects (race, religion, sexuality, etc) and some of the...less usual.
That said, I do occasionally snicker when a piece of information comes my way that speaks to my evil, black heart. One such thing happened for a bachelor party on Tuesday. 
Guys #1 and 2 have been pissing me off all night. They've been caught trying to sneak in CASES of alcohol all night (and not subtly either...they would just walk in with the cases in plain sight). You can't do that in Colorado, so we kick them out. They do this about 3 times before I get in, and try it 4 more after I get there (though I'm only there for the last 2 while other people dealt with the first two). I'm not feeling good, so I'm quite a bit less happy than usual, and they finally quit when I gave them the ultimatum: knock it off, or leave the hotel. This unleashes a torrent of curse words and homophobic slants issued at me, which suddenly cuts short when I pretend to say "We're going to need to clear out <room number> now, get ready to call police to help out." Funny, they realized I wasn't playing around somehow!
So later on, I see Guy #1 and #2 again, and this is where I start laughing, because with them is a stripper that I know very well, since we went to high school and college together. The stripper's name is unimportant, since we all know that they use stage names anyway. However, most of us have seen strippers (and probably even hookers) at some point in our lives, and it's not that big of a deal, right? So why would I be laughing so hard when I see this?
Simple: When I went to school with that particular stripper, her name was Dave. Not to make fun of her (we're actually quite good friends, and she laughs about the same thing every time), but there's a part of me that just giggles at the guys having no idea since they were both quite prolific in homophobic comments earlier in the night. 
Really, guys?
It's rare when I actually feel bad for someone who gets arrested here, but I thought that this was a bit over the top for once...right before I walked in, someone was caught using "Spray Chalk" to spray a giant, red "?" on the sidewalk outside the hotel, and got arrested for a graffiti violation. While the cops investigated, they stored him in my office, so I got in and immediately got to sit and chat with the 20 year old kid for a while before they took him. Personally, I wasn't too upset, the stuff he used was water-soluable (easy to clean with a power washer), and he did at least have the common courtesy not to spray my building. He was also honest about it, admitting that he had done it as part of a "Question your candidate" thing right before the US Election Day.
Still, the cops took the poor kid with them...he was a nice guy too
Fire code, assholes!
It never fails...I can bring something up 1000 times, but there always has to be some asshole that doesn't remember until the 1001st time. The local fire marshal showed up tonight for a surprise inspection, and one of our banquet people stored a giant (and heavy) stack of chairs right in front of a fire extinguisher cabinet.
So thank you, faceless employee, for costing the hotel $5000 and getting me a brand new asshole torn by the fire department. I hope you burn in hell.
What ugly hookers? Oh...never mind.
Random Co-Worker: Khiras, why is it that, on the only night I work graves, only the ugly hookers keep walking by?
Khiras: Karma. What ugly hookers?
RCW: They keep coming by here...
<moments later, walking through the lobby>
Khiras: Oh...those ugly hookers.
There ain't enough make-up and nice clothes in the world to make up for what slimed its way through the lobby at that moment. Consider, if you would, a cross between Slurmz MacKenzie, Dr. Phil, Shamu the Killer Whale, and the Slimer from Ghostbusters. Then picture a 2nd person much like it.
Then dress them up in clothes 20 sizes too small with visible thongs.
Thank you for that! That's exactly what I wanted to see before I died...or maybe it's what I needed to see to convince me to die? I don't know, but every time I get close to a roof level, my soul begs me for the inevitable end to come sooner rather than later.
The moral of this story: Some people never...EVER...need a thong.
Huh...
CW: Khiras, someone just peed on the valet stand.
Khiras: Really? That doesn't sound like one of our guests.
CW: Then he went walking through the lobby with his dick hanging out. The cops are dragging him over now.
Khiras: Ah, that sounds better...until that last part, I had thought something was missing.
CW: Can we call him Floppy?
Khiras:
Thus goes the introduction towards the man who, by the end of the night, was referred to as "Floppy the Indomitable Conquerer of Valet." As I understand it, he was rather surprised that the police noticed him... *sigh*
New Years?
Just a quick side note, how many other business start planning for New Years Eve almost 2 months in advance? I can only think of one other possibility, bars, anyone else? I hate New Years
No matter how long I live, I will never get to celebrate it until I'm out of the hotel business
Khiras' Bitchrant
Just a quick one this time...yesterday, I stayed home (on Friday, one of our busiest nights of the week on average, although thankfully they were ok). I stayed home because I had a 104º fever, was throwing up all day, and was too weak to stand for more than a minute or two at a time. I came in today with a 101º fever and a very upset stomach, as well as the same type of weakness (I'm a bit stronger today) because I heard that someone in another department got upset that there was no graveyard manager on duty for Security. I'm probably going to get bitched at in the morning by this person as well, and I can't even choke them since I don't have the energy to pet a puppy, much less anything else.
I'm having a bad week.
Pranks gone bad
We had a group of people being idiots in the hotel tonight, and one of them finally got what was coming to him. He decide to knock-and-run on someone's door at 3am, with the intention of running back into his room (across the hallway).
Problem: People are being woken up at 3am.
Hilarious solution: The prankster's roommate is drunk off his ass, and thinks it'll be funny to slam the door in his friend's face. Doing so, he slams the door into his friend's face, right as the person who they woke up opens the door...knocking him out cold.
Khiras:
Ended up sending him to the hospital since he wasn't coherent when we got him to wake up a bit, and the person who got woken up had this huge grin at the sudden karma that had been invoked upon them. Didn't even complain
The prankster's new nickname, by the way, is "Whump." This is the exact word that the drunk roommate used to describe the sound of his friend's cranium attempting to knock a hole in the door.
Why did I pick up the phone?
Khiras: Good morning, <hotel>, how can I help you?
Idiot: Do you have any rooms tonight?
K: Unfortunately no, we're full tonight.
I: You're full?
K: Yes, we are.
I: So you have no rooms left?
K: ...No, no rooms left.
I: If I came down there in an hour, would you have any?
K:
(Uh...it's 2am, dumbass) No...we won't have any rooms available until sometime after noon or 1pm, our check-in time is 3pm.
I: Oh... (Oh please oh please, let the gears all click together or we'll be here all week!) ...so there's no way I can get a room? (FUCK!)
K: No, we're still all sold out.
I: What about now?
K: Now?
I: Do you have any rooms now?
K: (I hate you, I will kill you if you come in my hotel) ...No...we will not have any rooms until tomorrow night, but you can call back after 3:00 PM to see if we have cancellations.
I: Ok, I'll stop by in an hour to see if you come up with any rooms. *click*
K:
That was almost 3 hours ago, still hasn't shown up. If he does, I may have to put him out of my misery for the good of the planet.
Buh
K: Good morning, <hotel>, how can I help you?
Buh: Do you..mumble...night time...join?
K: Uhm...I'm sorry, I can't hear what you're saying.
Buh: Mumble...garble mumble...join...night time.
K: Sir...can you repeat youself?
Buh: Mumble...BUH!
K: Buh?
Buh: Buh.
K: I've missed you so much Buh, but I thought you were in prison again! (side note, 3 people at the front desk are now staring at me, wide eyed)
Buh: Wuhbuh! Heh, mumble...like you.
K: I like you too, Buh.
Buh: *Click*
K: *Shrug*
All in all, a fairly good week. I don't think that was the real Buh though, he didn't sound quite as forlorn.
Let's go ahead and start off with the topic...Bad News
I'm a fairly worldly fellow...despite my hatred for most of humanity, I'm also well versed in a lot of different things. That said, things that offend some people simply do not offend me. This includes the usual suspects (race, religion, sexuality, etc) and some of the...less usual.
That said, I do occasionally snicker when a piece of information comes my way that speaks to my evil, black heart. One such thing happened for a bachelor party on Tuesday. Guys #1 and 2 have been pissing me off all night. They've been caught trying to sneak in CASES of alcohol all night (and not subtly either...they would just walk in with the cases in plain sight). You can't do that in Colorado, so we kick them out. They do this about 3 times before I get in, and try it 4 more after I get there (though I'm only there for the last 2 while other people dealt with the first two). I'm not feeling good, so I'm quite a bit less happy than usual, and they finally quit when I gave them the ultimatum: knock it off, or leave the hotel. This unleashes a torrent of curse words and homophobic slants issued at me, which suddenly cuts short when I pretend to say "We're going to need to clear out <room number> now, get ready to call police to help out." Funny, they realized I wasn't playing around somehow!
So later on, I see Guy #1 and #2 again, and this is where I start laughing, because with them is a stripper that I know very well, since we went to high school and college together. The stripper's name is unimportant, since we all know that they use stage names anyway. However, most of us have seen strippers (and probably even hookers) at some point in our lives, and it's not that big of a deal, right? So why would I be laughing so hard when I see this?
Simple: When I went to school with that particular stripper, her name was Dave.
Not to make fun of her (we're actually quite good friends, and she laughs about the same thing every time), but there's a part of me that just giggles at the guys having no idea since they were both quite prolific in homophobic comments earlier in the night. Really, guys?
It's rare when I actually feel bad for someone who gets arrested here, but I thought that this was a bit over the top for once...right before I walked in, someone was caught using "Spray Chalk" to spray a giant, red "?" on the sidewalk outside the hotel, and got arrested for a graffiti violation. While the cops investigated, they stored him in my office, so I got in and immediately got to sit and chat with the 20 year old kid for a while before they took him. Personally, I wasn't too upset, the stuff he used was water-soluable (easy to clean with a power washer), and he did at least have the common courtesy not to spray my building. He was also honest about it, admitting that he had done it as part of a "Question your candidate" thing right before the US Election Day.
Still, the cops took the poor kid with them...he was a nice guy too
Fire code, assholes!
It never fails...I can bring something up 1000 times, but there always has to be some asshole that doesn't remember until the 1001st time. The local fire marshal showed up tonight for a surprise inspection, and one of our banquet people stored a giant (and heavy) stack of chairs right in front of a fire extinguisher cabinet.
So thank you, faceless employee, for costing the hotel $5000 and getting me a brand new asshole torn by the fire department. I hope you burn in hell.
What ugly hookers? Oh...never mind.
Random Co-Worker: Khiras, why is it that, on the only night I work graves, only the ugly hookers keep walking by?
Khiras: Karma. What ugly hookers?
RCW: They keep coming by here...
<moments later, walking through the lobby>
Khiras: Oh...those ugly hookers.
There ain't enough make-up and nice clothes in the world to make up for what slimed its way through the lobby at that moment. Consider, if you would, a cross between Slurmz MacKenzie, Dr. Phil, Shamu the Killer Whale, and the Slimer from Ghostbusters. Then picture a 2nd person much like it.
Then dress them up in clothes 20 sizes too small with visible thongs.
Thank you for that! That's exactly what I wanted to see before I died...or maybe it's what I needed to see to convince me to die? I don't know, but every time I get close to a roof level, my soul begs me for the inevitable end to come sooner rather than later.
The moral of this story: Some people never...EVER...need a thong.
Huh...
CW: Khiras, someone just peed on the valet stand.
Khiras: Really? That doesn't sound like one of our guests.
CW: Then he went walking through the lobby with his dick hanging out. The cops are dragging him over now.
Khiras: Ah, that sounds better...until that last part, I had thought something was missing.
CW: Can we call him Floppy?
Khiras:
Thus goes the introduction towards the man who, by the end of the night, was referred to as "Floppy the Indomitable Conquerer of Valet." As I understand it, he was rather surprised that the police noticed him... *sigh*
New Years?
Just a quick side note, how many other business start planning for New Years Eve almost 2 months in advance? I can only think of one other possibility, bars, anyone else? I hate New Years
No matter how long I live, I will never get to celebrate it until I'm out of the hotel business Khiras' Bitchrant
Just a quick one this time...yesterday, I stayed home (on Friday, one of our busiest nights of the week on average, although thankfully they were ok). I stayed home because I had a 104º fever, was throwing up all day, and was too weak to stand for more than a minute or two at a time. I came in today with a 101º fever and a very upset stomach, as well as the same type of weakness (I'm a bit stronger today) because I heard that someone in another department got upset that there was no graveyard manager on duty for Security. I'm probably going to get bitched at in the morning by this person as well, and I can't even choke them since I don't have the energy to pet a puppy, much less anything else.
I'm having a bad week.
Pranks gone bad
We had a group of people being idiots in the hotel tonight, and one of them finally got what was coming to him. He decide to knock-and-run on someone's door at 3am, with the intention of running back into his room (across the hallway).
Problem: People are being woken up at 3am.
Hilarious solution: The prankster's roommate is drunk off his ass, and thinks it'll be funny to slam the door in his friend's face. Doing so, he slams the door into his friend's face, right as the person who they woke up opens the door...knocking him out cold.
Khiras:
Ended up sending him to the hospital since he wasn't coherent when we got him to wake up a bit, and the person who got woken up had this huge grin at the sudden karma that had been invoked upon them. Didn't even complain
The prankster's new nickname, by the way, is "Whump." This is the exact word that the drunk roommate used to describe the sound of his friend's cranium attempting to knock a hole in the door.
Why did I pick up the phone?
Khiras: Good morning, <hotel>, how can I help you?
Idiot: Do you have any rooms tonight?
K: Unfortunately no, we're full tonight.
I: You're full?
K: Yes, we are.
I: So you have no rooms left?
K: ...No, no rooms left.
I: If I came down there in an hour, would you have any?
K:
(Uh...it's 2am, dumbass) No...we won't have any rooms available until sometime after noon or 1pm, our check-in time is 3pm.I: Oh... (Oh please oh please, let the gears all click together or we'll be here all week!) ...so there's no way I can get a room? (FUCK!)
K: No, we're still all sold out.
I: What about now?
K: Now?
I: Do you have any rooms now?
K: (I hate you, I will kill you if you come in my hotel) ...No...we will not have any rooms until tomorrow night, but you can call back after 3:00 PM to see if we have cancellations.
I: Ok, I'll stop by in an hour to see if you come up with any rooms. *click*
K:
That was almost 3 hours ago, still hasn't shown up. If he does, I may have to put him out of my misery for the good of the planet.
Buh
K: Good morning, <hotel>, how can I help you?
Buh: Do you..mumble...night time...join?
K: Uhm...I'm sorry, I can't hear what you're saying.
Buh: Mumble...garble mumble...join...night time.
K: Sir...can you repeat youself?
Buh: Mumble...BUH!
K: Buh?
Buh: Buh.
K: I've missed you so much Buh, but I thought you were in prison again! (side note, 3 people at the front desk are now staring at me, wide eyed)
Buh: Wuhbuh! Heh, mumble...like you.
K: I like you too, Buh.
Buh: *Click*
K: *Shrug*
All in all, a fairly good week. I don't think that was the real Buh though, he didn't sound quite as forlorn.
I have a rule- if I want to see what color underwear you have, I'll do your laundry.
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