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I am guessing a lot of you can agree with this.
In my store, try breaking something, cleaning something up, building something, getting called to do something else when you're obviously busy, or God forbid, shoveling snow, and all of a sudden, EVERY. SINGLE. PERSON. that walks in the door thinks they are a strange and wonderful mix of Adam Sandler, Ralphie May, Rodney Dangerfield, Chris Farley, Chris Rock, Larry the Cable Guy, and/or every other comedian in the known universe.
They just absolutely HAVE to get at least one "witty" (i.e. stupid, ignorant, and completely unoriginal) comment in at all costs when passing by.
Breaking something:
Looks like you're gonna have to pay for that! Hyuk hyuk!
Boy I'm sure glad I didn't do that!
Wow I'm sure glad I don't have to pay for it!
You break it you buy it pal!
It's a dirty job but someone's gotta do it! (2,000 Bonus Dickhead Points for adding "....it might as well be YOU.")
Looks like prices are gonna go up for that!
(If it's alcohol or something like that): Heeeeey that's a party foul! Heeeeeeeey that's alcohol abuse! Heeeeeey looks like you're gonna have a party with the rest of that 12 pack aren't ya!
(1,000 Bonus Dickhead Points for walking right through the mess immediately after saying any of these)
Building something
Wow I'm glad I don't have to do that!
Are you sure you know what you're doing?
Heeeeey whatcha doin there? (while stupidly standing in the way)
I bet it would be really annoying if I waited until you got to the very top of that ladder and then called you back down for something else, huh?
*shaking the ladder* earthquake earthquake!! or WHOA LOOKOUT YER GONNA FALL!! HAHAHAHAHA
You know, you're doing it wrong! You SHOULD be doing it like this: *time-consuming, stupid ineffective explanation*
Wow! Looks like you've got quite a mess on your hands! (1,000 Bonus Dickhead Points for walking right through the middle of it afterward)
Changing a light bulb
WITHOUT FAIL, this never ever ever ever ever varies:
How many *insert name of store* employees does it take to change a light bulb?
Getting called to do something else when you're obviously busy:
Wow there just isn't enough of ya to go around is there?
You're Mister Popular aren't ya?
Well aren't we the popular one?
Well that's what they pay ya the big bucks for!
You know you love feeling needed.
Isn't it nice to be needed?
Just tell 'em no! (actually pretty much the only one in the list I would probably get a chuckle at.....if said in moderation)
Cleaning something:
Wow I'm glad I don't have to do that!
Keep up the good work (you know what I mean, the condescending, sarcastic version of "Keep up the good work, NOT the sincere version of "Keep up the good work")
You missed a spot!
It's a dirty job but someone's gotta do it! (Did I mention 2,000 Bonus Dickhead Points for adding "...it might as well be YOU"? Well make it 3,000)
I bet you'd be really annoyed if I just walked all over your nice clean floors and got em all dirty again, huh?
Last but not least, God forbid, shovelling snow:
Wow, I'm glad I don't have to do that!
*If it's still snowing* You do realize you're just fighting an uphill battle right?
Sometimes you just can't win!
Cold enough for ya?
Wow that's a lot of snow!
Well that's what they pay ya the big bucks for, right?
Lovely weather we're havin, i'nt it?
Wow it's really coming down isn't it? (I realize these last two are just casual conversation but after hearing them the first 100 times they are just as annoying as the other smartass comments)
Hey wanna come do my house when yer done?
Can you come scrape my windows for me in the morning too?
Don't you just LOVE winter?
Final Thoughts:
Some of these actually have some humorous value to them, but only in moderation. Common sense should tell anyone that hey, the store's pretty busy so I bet this guy's heard the same thing 100 times before so I'll just keep my mouth shut.
99.9999999999% of these have no humorous value to them whatsoever, and are at the very least, borderline insulting and degrading.
Feel free to add.
In my store, try breaking something, cleaning something up, building something, getting called to do something else when you're obviously busy, or God forbid, shoveling snow, and all of a sudden, EVERY. SINGLE. PERSON. that walks in the door thinks they are a strange and wonderful mix of Adam Sandler, Ralphie May, Rodney Dangerfield, Chris Farley, Chris Rock, Larry the Cable Guy, and/or every other comedian in the known universe.
They just absolutely HAVE to get at least one "witty" (i.e. stupid, ignorant, and completely unoriginal) comment in at all costs when passing by.
Breaking something:
Looks like you're gonna have to pay for that! Hyuk hyuk!
Boy I'm sure glad I didn't do that!
Wow I'm sure glad I don't have to pay for it!
You break it you buy it pal!
It's a dirty job but someone's gotta do it! (2,000 Bonus Dickhead Points for adding "....it might as well be YOU.")
Looks like prices are gonna go up for that!
(If it's alcohol or something like that): Heeeeey that's a party foul! Heeeeeeeey that's alcohol abuse! Heeeeeey looks like you're gonna have a party with the rest of that 12 pack aren't ya!
(1,000 Bonus Dickhead Points for walking right through the mess immediately after saying any of these)
Building something
Wow I'm glad I don't have to do that!
Are you sure you know what you're doing?
Heeeeey whatcha doin there? (while stupidly standing in the way)
I bet it would be really annoying if I waited until you got to the very top of that ladder and then called you back down for something else, huh?
*shaking the ladder* earthquake earthquake!! or WHOA LOOKOUT YER GONNA FALL!! HAHAHAHAHA
You know, you're doing it wrong! You SHOULD be doing it like this: *time-consuming, stupid ineffective explanation*
Wow! Looks like you've got quite a mess on your hands! (1,000 Bonus Dickhead Points for walking right through the middle of it afterward)
Changing a light bulb
WITHOUT FAIL, this never ever ever ever ever varies:
How many *insert name of store* employees does it take to change a light bulb?
Getting called to do something else when you're obviously busy:
Wow there just isn't enough of ya to go around is there?
You're Mister Popular aren't ya?
Well aren't we the popular one?
Well that's what they pay ya the big bucks for!
You know you love feeling needed.
Isn't it nice to be needed?
Just tell 'em no! (actually pretty much the only one in the list I would probably get a chuckle at.....if said in moderation)
Cleaning something:
Wow I'm glad I don't have to do that!
Keep up the good work (you know what I mean, the condescending, sarcastic version of "Keep up the good work, NOT the sincere version of "Keep up the good work")
You missed a spot!
It's a dirty job but someone's gotta do it! (Did I mention 2,000 Bonus Dickhead Points for adding "...it might as well be YOU"? Well make it 3,000)
I bet you'd be really annoyed if I just walked all over your nice clean floors and got em all dirty again, huh?
Last but not least, God forbid, shovelling snow:
Wow, I'm glad I don't have to do that!
*If it's still snowing* You do realize you're just fighting an uphill battle right?
Sometimes you just can't win!
Cold enough for ya?
Wow that's a lot of snow!
Well that's what they pay ya the big bucks for, right?
Lovely weather we're havin, i'nt it?
Wow it's really coming down isn't it? (I realize these last two are just casual conversation but after hearing them the first 100 times they are just as annoying as the other smartass comments)
Hey wanna come do my house when yer done?
Can you come scrape my windows for me in the morning too?
Don't you just LOVE winter?
Final Thoughts:
Some of these actually have some humorous value to them, but only in moderation. Common sense should tell anyone that hey, the store's pretty busy so I bet this guy's heard the same thing 100 times before so I'll just keep my mouth shut.
99.9999999999% of these have no humorous value to them whatsoever, and are at the very least, borderline insulting and degrading.
Feel free to add.
Holy moley, and I was born and raised on the West Coast. Jeeze....
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