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...hah.
I answer the phone of L for Lady.
Me: Thank you for calling (pizza company) this is Unholy Pet, how may I help you?
L: Well, Sharon (not my name), I want to buy a Ranch.
Me: Is this for a delivery or pick-up?
I take her delivery information.
L: I want a large Ranch for buy one get one coupon.
Me: Okay, you want a large Ranch, and you have a bogo coupon?
L: Yes, and a Supreme.
Me: Okay, an--
L: How many slices is that? (then she starts sounding high) I want some cheesesticks, how many is in a large pizza?
Me: ...a large PIZZA is 12 slices.
L: OH god. How many is a large cheesestick?
Me: Its just the size of a large pizza cut into sticks, there's no predetermined number.
L: Anuh wha? I just want some cheesesticks.
Me: ...large or small?
L: Large.
Me: Okay, is that all for you?
L: Yes.. large Ranch and large cheesestick.
Me: (Huh.. guess she didn't want the Supreme /delete) So a large Ranch and a large cheese stick for delivery?
L: Yeah.. hey, I'm feeding 6 people, is one pizza enough?
Me: I think you'll need another to be safe.
L: Make it a Supreme for buy one and then I get another for free.
Same woman, different day, odd lie.
L: Hey, you're Sherise from yesterday! (still not my name)
Me: ...yep, anything I can get for you?
L: Do you.. do you remember what I had yesterday?
Me: Yes,ma'am. Large Ranch, large Supreme, large cheesesticks, buy one get one free on thepizzas.
L: Well, I've got you.
Me: .....?!
L: I'm ordering salads today!
Me: Oh, haha.. okay, what would you like?
L: I want a large Ranch, and... etc.
After that, the New Year's Resolution people came in and ordered salads out the ass. I made 30 in 10 minutes, and most were bizarre. Here are a couple odd questions from people who buy our buffet 5 days out of 7 (no joke).
Do you have eggs/cucumbers/raisins/apricots/nectar/milk?
-No, I'm afraid not.
Seriously?
-We've never had those.
Why not?
-We.. we just don't o_0
I want to see your manager.
Oh crap! You have a SALAD BAR?!
-Yep. Been there since the dawn of us. Its all you can eat, or just one plate.
Well, I am on a diet.. too much lettuce will make you throw up, right?
(Yeah, maybe.. but if all the fatty pizza, pasta, and dessert you were eating didn't, I wouldn't worry.)
Throw-up salad
W for woman on the phone, basically she was just calling to see what salad toppings we have, because she doesn't want meat (remember that), and we make everything from scratch, so she is building her ideal salad.
W: Do you have raisins?
Me: Sorry, no.
W: How about cucumbers?
Me: I'm really sorry, no.
W: Apricots?
Me: No, ma'am. (wtf is with everyone wanting the same non-us food on their salad? They can list you every pizza topping but not glance at the salads and remember a thing.)
W: How about I tell you what I want, you type it up, and we go from there?
Me: Its worth a try.
W: I would LOVE LOVE raisins, but you don't have those. So.. eggs, onions, carrots, cottage cheese, ranch, croutons, banana peppers, pineapple, ham, turkey, parmesan cheese, spinach, crackers, chicken, mozzerella and cheddar jack cheese, and some kindof bread.
Me: Well, I have everything but egg and spinach. Everything else can go on there, but bread will be extra.
L: Ha.. you don't pay attention, I wanted no meat.
Me: =_=
Are you comatose and dreaming, or just an idiot?
Me: Okay, six buffets, four drinks, two waters, a turkey and cheese with everything no onion, a sweet tea, and a chicken breast, sliced, with bacon, and a 20oz. Coke. Right?
Guy ordering for everyone: Uh... what?
I repeat.
Guy: Rabbits don't eat metal, man.
I hate local teenagers and old people.
Why? Old people are the worst customers, because they are entitlement whores and rude as hell. The local teens are messy and rude as hell. Its not a generalization, but the decent kids and oldies are hard to find.
Old Man, is OM.
OM: I have this buy one get one buffet coupon, this Rebel Card for a free drink, we're seniors so we want the senior buffets, and we also have this 15% off coupon.
Me: I'm afraid you can only use one at a time.
OM: Damn young'uns. I fought in the war that gave you life!
Me: Sir, the senior discount is 15% off, not a special price, and we only take ONE discount OR coupon at a time.
OM: Which one is the cheapest?
Me: Bogo.
OM: Well... tell your daddy he needs to learn you some respect for vet'trans.
Me: I'll get on that...
A TJ for teen jackass, right behind Old Man
TJ: Dude.. I have like, a totally plastic hip, chick. You gonna give me a senior discount? Duh huh huh!
Me: No.. we do charge less for under 11, so you're in luck.
TJ: But I'm 16!
Me: Oh, too bad. Would've been $3.20 but its $7.99 for an adult.
OW for Old Woman calls in.
OW: You people took 10min. to make my hoagie yesterday, so I'm calling in early before I get there, in 10min., to eat.
Me: Ooooooookay, and what would you like?
She gets the Philly Steak, which is cooked twice, instead of once, so it took 15min.
She arrives in 10min precisely.
OW: Where is it?
Manager J: Its.. yes, its coming out here in a few minutes, would you like to take a number and sit while I bring it to you?
OW: Ugh! You people are like waiting at home for nothing. Nothing!
Add to it a large number of teens throwing pizza at each other, smearing it everywhere, and peeing on the floors of the bathroom. Add to that, more older folks yelling at us to move it, because it took 13min. to cook six pizzas. God forbid we do our jobs and prevent food poisoning, eh? Eh?
I answer the phone of L for Lady.
Me: Thank you for calling (pizza company) this is Unholy Pet, how may I help you?
L: Well, Sharon (not my name), I want to buy a Ranch.
Me: Is this for a delivery or pick-up?
I take her delivery information.
L: I want a large Ranch for buy one get one coupon.
Me: Okay, you want a large Ranch, and you have a bogo coupon?
L: Yes, and a Supreme.
Me: Okay, an--
L: How many slices is that? (then she starts sounding high) I want some cheesesticks, how many is in a large pizza?
Me: ...a large PIZZA is 12 slices.
L: OH god. How many is a large cheesestick?
Me: Its just the size of a large pizza cut into sticks, there's no predetermined number.
L: Anuh wha? I just want some cheesesticks.
Me: ...large or small?
L: Large.
Me: Okay, is that all for you?
L: Yes.. large Ranch and large cheesestick.
Me: (Huh.. guess she didn't want the Supreme /delete) So a large Ranch and a large cheese stick for delivery?
L: Yeah.. hey, I'm feeding 6 people, is one pizza enough?
Me: I think you'll need another to be safe.
L: Make it a Supreme for buy one and then I get another for free.
Same woman, different day, odd lie.
L: Hey, you're Sherise from yesterday! (still not my name)
Me: ...yep, anything I can get for you?
L: Do you.. do you remember what I had yesterday?
Me: Yes,ma'am. Large Ranch, large Supreme, large cheesesticks, buy one get one free on thepizzas.
L: Well, I've got you.
Me: .....?!
L: I'm ordering salads today!
Me: Oh, haha.. okay, what would you like?
L: I want a large Ranch, and... etc.
After that, the New Year's Resolution people came in and ordered salads out the ass. I made 30 in 10 minutes, and most were bizarre. Here are a couple odd questions from people who buy our buffet 5 days out of 7 (no joke).
Do you have eggs/cucumbers/raisins/apricots/nectar/milk?
-No, I'm afraid not.
Seriously?
-We've never had those.
Why not?
-We.. we just don't o_0
I want to see your manager.
Oh crap! You have a SALAD BAR?!
-Yep. Been there since the dawn of us. Its all you can eat, or just one plate.
Well, I am on a diet.. too much lettuce will make you throw up, right?
(Yeah, maybe.. but if all the fatty pizza, pasta, and dessert you were eating didn't, I wouldn't worry.)
Throw-up salad
W for woman on the phone, basically she was just calling to see what salad toppings we have, because she doesn't want meat (remember that), and we make everything from scratch, so she is building her ideal salad.
W: Do you have raisins?
Me: Sorry, no.
W: How about cucumbers?
Me: I'm really sorry, no.
W: Apricots?
Me: No, ma'am. (wtf is with everyone wanting the same non-us food on their salad? They can list you every pizza topping but not glance at the salads and remember a thing.)
W: How about I tell you what I want, you type it up, and we go from there?
Me: Its worth a try.
W: I would LOVE LOVE raisins, but you don't have those. So.. eggs, onions, carrots, cottage cheese, ranch, croutons, banana peppers, pineapple, ham, turkey, parmesan cheese, spinach, crackers, chicken, mozzerella and cheddar jack cheese, and some kindof bread.
Me: Well, I have everything but egg and spinach. Everything else can go on there, but bread will be extra.
L: Ha.. you don't pay attention, I wanted no meat.
Me: =_=
Are you comatose and dreaming, or just an idiot?
Me: Okay, six buffets, four drinks, two waters, a turkey and cheese with everything no onion, a sweet tea, and a chicken breast, sliced, with bacon, and a 20oz. Coke. Right?
Guy ordering for everyone: Uh... what?
I repeat.
Guy: Rabbits don't eat metal, man.
I hate local teenagers and old people.
Why? Old people are the worst customers, because they are entitlement whores and rude as hell. The local teens are messy and rude as hell. Its not a generalization, but the decent kids and oldies are hard to find.
Old Man, is OM.
OM: I have this buy one get one buffet coupon, this Rebel Card for a free drink, we're seniors so we want the senior buffets, and we also have this 15% off coupon.
Me: I'm afraid you can only use one at a time.
OM: Damn young'uns. I fought in the war that gave you life!
Me: Sir, the senior discount is 15% off, not a special price, and we only take ONE discount OR coupon at a time.
OM: Which one is the cheapest?
Me: Bogo.
OM: Well... tell your daddy he needs to learn you some respect for vet'trans.
Me: I'll get on that...
A TJ for teen jackass, right behind Old Man
TJ: Dude.. I have like, a totally plastic hip, chick. You gonna give me a senior discount? Duh huh huh!
Me: No.. we do charge less for under 11, so you're in luck.
TJ: But I'm 16!
Me: Oh, too bad. Would've been $3.20 but its $7.99 for an adult.
OW for Old Woman calls in.
OW: You people took 10min. to make my hoagie yesterday, so I'm calling in early before I get there, in 10min., to eat.
Me: Ooooooookay, and what would you like?
She gets the Philly Steak, which is cooked twice, instead of once, so it took 15min.
She arrives in 10min precisely.
OW: Where is it?
Manager J: Its.. yes, its coming out here in a few minutes, would you like to take a number and sit while I bring it to you?
OW: Ugh! You people are like waiting at home for nothing. Nothing!
Add to it a large number of teens throwing pizza at each other, smearing it everywhere, and peeing on the floors of the bathroom. Add to that, more older folks yelling at us to move it, because it took 13min. to cook six pizzas. God forbid we do our jobs and prevent food poisoning, eh? Eh?
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