"Looks like you need to go back to kindergarten" and other stories of suck

[Shironu-Akaineko]

Took me till 4th grade to tell my left from my right.

Here's the kicker.

I knew I was left handed all that time. I just never seemed to make the connection.

My aunt has a similar, more permanent problem, but she also has a quick solution; she will mimic eating with her left hand, then her right. Whichever's most comfortable in the motion is her right hand.

[Buglady]

If you do let me know. I'll try just about anything to kick mine. I discovered that I can't even write my own resume, I just freeze up whenever I try.

I have a feeling mine is going to require a combination of really good meds and some intensive coaching; maybe even an academic advisor to "babysit" me through the stages. Luckily these are much easier to get these days, with universities recognizing that now everyone can learn the same way.

[Pagan]

If you do let me know. I'll try just about anything to kick mine. I discovered that I can't even write my own resume, I just freeze up whenever I try.

You and Buglady could just give me all your information that you have gathered. I can kick out papers like nobody's business.

In my experience, this comes from worrying about getting it right the first time. Just write whatever and edit it later.

That's how I do. I'll write a rough draft (that I always hand write for some reason) and a final draft. Drove me nuts in one class 'cause the prof insisted on a thesis statement, an outline, a first draft, a second draft, and the final draft. I just can't write like that.

we have mountains both to the east and west... what then

Just figure out where the sun is.

and reno would be worse for you, mountains on EVERY side

And just like Lake Tahoe....where I lived for a while, and how I started using the sun.

[Buglady]

I can write for other people, or when I'm not under deadline. It's a pretty specific block, mostly from my own perfectionism. I can talk about my topics quite easily so I am thinking of trying a speech-to-text program to at least get the major points down; I may also ask my doctor about trying a beta blocker for the anxiety. (A lot of people use beta blockers, which lower blood pressure, to deal with stage fright and fear of flying. They act differently than anti-anxiety drugs like Valium or Xanax in that they don't make you drowsy or affect clarity of thought).

If all else fails I may look into switching into a non-thesis program but I want to avoid that. Like I said, I CAN write, I just have to figure out a way of taking the pressure off so my brain doesn't skid out like a stunt driver on black ice trying to avoid the topic.

I think a class that required several drafts of the same essay might kill me.

I'm actually supposed to be writing a book review right now.... I was doing fine on it till I found out it was worth 25% of my grade and then I froze. Dammit.

[ArcticChicken]

In my experience, this comes from worrying about getting it right the first time. Just write whatever and edit it later.

(The following rant contains years of pent up frustration, and is not directed at you in particular, edible_hat, but rather in the general direction of the dozens of people who have given me that exact same advice so many times that I'm in real danger of slapping the next person who says that)


Yes it fucking well does. It must be perfect the first time. Not only must it meet all the requirements that have been set by my instructor, it must contain every nuance of my thoughts on the subject, it must be lyrical, yet concise, it has to convey what I mean with no chance of misinterpretation and convince anyone who reads it that I am right, and above all it should interesting.

Saying "don't worry about it" doesn't fucking help. Those words aren't going to magically make everything better, I'm not suddenly going to relax and realize what the word processor is for, and they're not going to make me any less of a perfectionist.

I know that I can go back and edit it later. I know that a short story for my creative writing class, or a research paper for Criminal Justice 101 doesn't have to be worthy of a Pulitzer. Hell, judging by some of my classmates, all I have to do to earn a 'B' is write it in semi-coherent English, if my grammar and spelling are correct it'll get an 'A'.

None of that helps. Saying "don't worry about it" doesn't tell me how not to worry about it, and , frankly, comes off as more than a little patronizing.

[edible_hat]

Just telling you what works for me. If it doesn't work for you, that's fine.

[Ironclad Alibi]

Yes it fucking well does. It must be perfect the first time.

I feel for you. My wife and I both grew up not knowing what a learning curve is. We knew it, or we didn't. And we had better know it, and get it right the first time. Aaaaagh!!!! It took years before I could recognise and use the benefit of a learning curve.

[Samaliel]

Took me till 4th grade to tell my left from my right.

Here's the kicker.

I knew I was left handed all that time. I just never seemed to make the connection.

My brother had the same problem. Up until his late teens, early twenties, he would check his wrists. The one with the scar is his right hand. I think he even still does it from time to time, though far more rarely. I never understood how he couldn't associate the hand he writes with (the left one) with the concept of "left".

Every one have their own brain wirings, I guess...

[dalesys]

As long as I know where the mountains are, I'm good. I can orient on them.

Put a Utahn where the mountains don't go north/south and watch his head spin... (Me in Birmingham, Alabama)

[ArcticChicken]

Just telling you what works for me. If it doesn't work for you, that's fine.

Yeah, I know. Sorry.

I just can't make that work in my head. I know theoretically that it's gotta work for somebody, or people wouldn't keep telling me that, but I just can't imagine it.

Combine that with the stress I've been feeling lately and I need to get my head into the shop to change out my brain-to-mouth filter.

Anyway, sorry.

[Danno]

If it's any consolation, I can sympathize with that sort of block. I have a similar hangup, but my mind has a different idea of what's "important." I could usually write essays for school with little problem, but when I'd try to do a personal creative project I'd get paralyzed by perfectionism. In other words "what I care about=most important" in my somewhat confused brain. It's kept me from putting a new project on the web for a few years, sigh...

[RetailWorkhorse]

I feel for you. My wife and I both grew up not knowing what a learning curve is. We knew it, or we didn't. And we had better know it, and get it right the first time. Aaaaagh!!!! It took years before I could recognise and use the benefit of a learning curve.

....There's a curve in learning?? What is this "curve" of which you speak? Why has no one spoken to me about this?!

DA-er, wait....uh......I'll wait 'til daylight.

[Nayeli_Sabia]

I have ADD and Dyslexia. I do rather well to compensate, and my spelling is VASTLY better than if was even just a few years ago. Now... left/right, I have huge issues with. I have to think about it for a bit, and I have to think either Right or Rightleft.

My husband used to get very upset when we were driveing, asking me as we got to the intersection which way to go. I'd just end up pointing. If he could see my hand, it was left. I cannot THINK left. It just doesn't work right in my brain.

How ever, even I'm not that foolish. I may think a moment first, but I'll get it.

[Seshat]

Saying "don't worry about it" doesn't fucking help. Those words aren't going to magically make everything better, I'm not suddenly going to relax and realize what the word processor is for, and they're not going to make me any less of a perfectionist.

None of that helps. Saying "don't worry about it" doesn't tell me how not to worry about it, and , frankly, comes off as more than a little patronizing.

It's like telling a depressive to 'cheer up', or a person with a pain disorder to 'just deal with the pain'.

So ... here's some tricks I used when I was trying to 'not worry about it'. I have no idea if they'll help you, but they might be worth trying. And they're offered in the knowledge that your problem is as real as my best friend's bipolar and my pain disorder: I'm trying to give you a 'how', not just say 'do it'.
These do NOT have to be done in this order: this is just how it works for me. Your brain and mine are wired differently.


* write some brainstorming ideas for your thesis. Not just for your thesis as a whole, but for sections and subsections.
Remind yourself as you're doing so that the point of brainstorming is to include every possible idea, however 'wrong' or 'silly' the idea might be.

* a day or two later, sift through the brainstorming ideas and pull out the good ones. Congratulate yourself for thinking of so many good ideas. (The self-congratulation is important, it's part of an effort to rewire your habits-of-thought.)

* arrange the ideas into a logical sequence, and add any subsection-ideas you think of while you're doing this. Consider this as part of the brainstorming as well - it's still about including all the possible candidate ideas, and 'silly' doesn't matter.

* write a note either to yourself or to a friend about each brainstorm idea you've decided was good. Just ramble on freely - it's not thesis stuff, it's a note to remind yourself what you intend to write about eventually. Or it's a note to a friend who is kind of interested in the topic.

* wait a week, then come back to the notes and assess each of them for potential as a thesis rough draft. But do NOT think of them as thesis draft while you're writing them - they're just notes to yourself or explanations for a friend.


I hope this helps, even a little bit.

And either way, DO go talk to your university's disability staff: something like cognitive behavioural therapy can make a huge difference in situations like this.

[Primer]

After having spent so many years at sea, I really have to think about which is right, and which is left... but 'port' and 'starboard,' I can identify immediately.

It's been over 30 years since I've crewed on a boat, but I still think port when I see red, and starboard when I see green.

As for left and right, I'm really screwed. I'm a math teacher. When I'm facing the class and talking about negative numbers, I'm pointing to my right, and to my left for positives. Negative slopes go uphill left to right, and positive slopes go downhill left to right. Try that for a day and see if you can still tell left from right, port from starboard, or red from green!

Lysdexics of the world, UNTIE!