They're called IDIOT LIGHTS for a good reason!

[Automan Empire]

This is a recurring theme in the auto repair business, the way people disregard their warning lights and gages.

Years ago, I used to get calls like this:

(Irritated woman) There's this THING on my DASH, and I don't know what it means.

Me: Well, what thing are you talking about?

Woman: I don't know.

Me: (headdesk) Okay, can you DESCRIBE this thing, please?

Woman: (sounding more irritated as she speaks) Okay, it's got a stick, and some wavy lines, and three lines on the stick....

Me: ...........

Woman: ................

Me: ......................

Woman: And it's got this red part..........

Me: Oh! Does it look like a picture of a thermometer in water?

Woman: Yes.

Me: And is the needle pointing to the RED???

Woman: Yes.

Me: Well, that means the ENGINE OVERHEATED BADLY! Did you pull over at once?

Woman: (with a triumphant lilt in her voice this time) I'm still driving.

Me: WELL THEN PULL OVER AS SOON AS IT IS SAFE! THAT IS A DIRE EMERGENCY FOR YOUR ENGINE!

Woman: (pissy Enh! sound) (sounds of car stopping) Okay, how far can I drive?

Me: (headdesk) Ma'am, you need to call a tow truck, do NOT drive at ALL!

Woman: (extensive pissing and moaning, then) Why don't they make it so you can understaaaaaaand????

Me: (thinking) The vehicle manufacturers of the world use specially designed pictograms, calculated to be understood by average people (not just automotive specialists) from any language or culture, even illiterates!

That lady turned out to need a $1500 head gasket job because she kept driving with a $29 hose with a pinhole in it. When she picked up the car, she accused us of rewiring her dash, because the fan would not go off in the zero position with the A/C on the way it's designed to, and she INSISTED that it wasn't like that before.

NOW! Finally, the cars have TEXT MESSAGES to supplement the idiot lights.

Now they call with:

Woman: There's this message on my dash, and I don't know what it meeeeans!

Me: .........

Woman: ........................

Me: So what does the message say?

Woman: It says engine overheated stop safely ASAP. I don't know what I should doooooooooooooooo.

Me: STOP SAFELY ASAP AND CALL A TOW TRUCK!!!!!!!

Woman: Oooooohhhhhhhhhh. Well, there's also this light on.... (not pulling over yet)

Me: .........

Woman: ...............

Me: Were you going to tell me what the light is?

Woman: I don't knooooooow. It's a little red light, and it looks like a fan.

Me: That's your low coolant warning light!

Woman: Yeah, because that started coming on last week, but I didn't notice anything.

Me: headdesk Okay, are you pulled over?

Woman: I started driving REALLY SLOOOOOWWWW.

Me: You should stop safely ASAP and call a tow truck.

Woman: Are you sure?

I mean, seriously, a TEXT MESSAGE, that succinctly describes the problem AND what to do! HOW MUCH MORE WARNING ARE THE ENGINEERS SUPPOSED TO HAVE TO GIVE PEOPLE????????

[Skeksin]

Well obviously you are supposed to know when they lights come on for them and be out immediately to fix the vehicle while it is still in motion.
/sarcasm

[sixums]

NOW! Finally, the cars have TEXT MESSAGES to supplement the idiot lights.

Don't you know you're not supposed to read your text messages while you're driving?

Besides, SCs don't read signs telling them what to do. Why would they read text messages that do the same?

[Argabarga]

I feel your pain

I mean, come on, does anyone know of a situation where a big bright red light indicates something GOOD is happening?

My favorite are the ones who keep driving when the oil light comes on, "Well, the light came on, but the car kept going, so I kept driving" yeah, you see, that light comes on as a warning that if you do nothing, your engine has about 3 minutes worth of life left in it. By the time you hear the bang and see the smoke, it's far too late to listen.

Concensus at the shop is the phrase you NEVER want to hear is " well, I thought it wasn't right, but I only had to go X more miles...."

Possibly the finest example was the guy with the Jeep who ignored not only the warning light, but a visible and known oil leak that he admitted had been going on for months, but he never thought to get it fixed or at least top off the oil he was losing. The epic moment for him was when his Jeep was towed in with gaping holes in the side of the block where the pistons left, it was also discovered that the starter motor was burned out. Yes, after what had to have been a huge grinding explosion under the hood, he thought he could restart the thing, and kept trying to restart it until he fried the starter.

[Shamus]

If "Next Register Please" are useless, just how effective do you expect "Stop your vehicle even though it's an inconvenience light"? That's a two-fer - something's wrong AND stop driving.

[calulu]

Yeah, but sometimes it means nothing. My 'Check Engine' light started coming on randomly a few years ago and I've had the car checked out at the shop and the dealership about a dozen times before they concluded it is a defective computerized part in the dash. After they told me how much it would cost to fix it I put a piece of electrical tape ala Homer Simpson over the indicator. The car is old as the hills, it runs well, I have it maintenanced on a regular basis but I am not willing to pay major bucks to repair the crazy electrical things starting to wear out.

[TTAZ]

I vote for a "gremlin in the ashtray" feature. When the MIL light is on for more than 5 minutes a small creature pops out of your ashtray and smacks you in the head until you pull over. If necessary it can also be trained to push the idiot driver out of the car and not let them back in until a tow truck is called. For all the tow truck dispatchers and drivers out there it'd be great! Vehicle owner not around to let you hook up the car? No problem! The gremlin will let you in. If the gremiln could live on cardboard air fresheners, we'd all have it made!

[Nyoibo]

I feel your pain

I mean, come on, does anyone know of a situation where a big bright red light indicates something GOOD is happening?

Red light district brothel?

[Pagan]

My 'Check Engine' light started coming on randomly a few years ago

I've got one that does that, too. This one has to do with the emission control system. Funny thing is, it only comes on when it gets really windy in the Spring. I change the air filter after the wind calms down and the light goes off.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

I vote for a "gremlin in the ashtray" feature. When the MIL light is on for more than 5 minutes a small creature pops out of your ashtray and smacks you in the head until you pull over. If necessary it can also be trained to push the idiot driver out of the car and not let them back in until a tow truck is called. For all the tow truck dispatchers and drivers out there it'd be great! Vehicle owner not around to let you hook up the car? No problem! The gremlin will let you in. If the gremiln could live on cardboard air fresheners, we'd all have it made!

A problem with that is my car's "service engine soon" light comes on all the time because the gas cap isn't screwed on exactly right.

I can't just pull over to the side of the interstate to play with the gas cap.

The owners manual even indicates this as a cause of the light coming on. It doesn't go off until you're made three trips with the gas cap satisfactorily screwed on.

The owners manual also says that if this particular light is flashing (which it never has on my car), then that means there's an issue with the exhaust system.

[Automan Empire]

When the check engine light FLASHES, it means imminent damage to the catalytic converter- the most expensive thing in the exhaust.

Exhaust system trouble is the RESULT of driving with it flashing. Flashing usually means a misfire.

But the check engine light has HUNDREDS of unique reasons it could come on, many of them harmless to drivability or longevity. Amber lights aren't usually as important as red ones.

[Bramble]

Reminds me of my sister calling us to ask if the Low Oil light coming on was bad. I SO wanted to say "No, it's fine, just keep driving."

[Threesidedorchid]

Good grief.
Now, I'm bad about maintaining my car, I admit that. I don't know *anything* about cars...
and that's exactly why I'd stop as soon as a red light came on.

[Pagan]

When the check engine light FLASHES, it means imminent damage to the catalytic converter- the most expensive thing in the exhaust.

Exhaust system trouble is the RESULT of driving with it flashing. Flashing usually means a misfire.

The one that says specifically, "Check engine" on mine actually does only concern the emission control system and that's according to the owner's manual.

Believe me, the problems I've had with this car, including the two times that the local dealer damn near wrecked my engine (which is another rant for another time), I know which lights are which, when it's an actual problem, and when to toddle to the garage that I trust.

[Ben_Who]

I mean, seriously, a TEXT MESSAGE, that succinctly describes the problem AND what to do! HOW MUCH MORE WARNING ARE THE ENGINEERS SUPPOSED TO HAVE TO GIVE PEOPLE????????

Computer people can almost certainly sympathize with you. After Windows 3.11, I wouldn't have thought the user interface of a computer could possibly get any simpler. "Look - just point at the PICTURE of the thing you want to do! No commands, no syntax errors, just click on the little picture!" In my office, there seems to be a race between the computers and the users to the bottom of the evolutionary pile - the easier the computers are to use, the more the intelligence of the user recedes in response. And yet these people manage to get dressed in the morning.

As far as lights on the dashboard go, it's been my experience that a light on the dashboard more often indicates a problem with the light on the dashboard than with what the light on the dashboard is indicating. For a while, my "fasten seatbelt" light has been coming on all by itself. I also saw the light that said that the door was open for a couple of weeks, during a cold snap. When I go over a bump in the road, I get an indicator that my fog lamps have just kicked on. I have dutifully checked my engine after the "check engine" light comes on, only to find that the problem is with the "check engine" light itself. This got to be a bit of a thing when the "brake" light came on - after a thousand false alarms, that was one I really should have paid attention to. No, nothing happened, but when I took it in for a routine inspection a couple of months later, the mechanic discovered an issue.

I maintain my car religiously, so if anything were wrong, I'd know, but it's a weird thing to fail in an aging Geo.

Love, Who?