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I'll just leave this here....
From One Extreme To The Other
Problem #1:
Your roof is leaking. You’ve been trying to get a hold of a service guy for 2 weeks. He hasn’t gotten back to you. You are sad and your family is damp.
A valid concern. You have passed my stringent standards and presented me with an issue I am compelled to assist you with. Bravo, my good man. Now, if you'll just called customer service li-
Problem #2:
You have his business card. Which includes all his contact numbers. But you do not want to call them as you feel it would be impolite to call him on one of his personal contact numbers.
-wait what? Your roof has been leaking for 2 weeks is and thus causing slow, additional damage to household. Yet rather than open your inventory and use the Red Herb he gave you to prevent the lost of additional HP, you are willfully choosing to allow a slow, drawn out demise? In the interests of politeness?
Dude, he put the contact numbers on his business card. On. His. Business.Card. This implies he willfully desires them to be used for business purposes such as being called by his customers such as you. Use. That. Number. You donkey.
Problem #3:
For some reason you won’t accept the number for customer service ( Who could resolve the problem immediately ) and just keep arguing with me about how you don’t understand why he would put this number on his card if you can’t contact him through this number.
Hint: Because it’s this company’s main number for customer inquiries. I am attempting to answer your inquiry with information that would assist you. Information that you could quite easily use to resolve your issue if you would just TAKE IT and stop arguing over it. I want to help. I really do. I am showing you the way. But for all my pointing, shoving and outright spanking you on the ass with the clue x 4 whilst calling you “Mary” and yet you still will not move down this path towards salvation.
I hope your house collapses under the weight of your own stupidity. And water. Water too.
IT HURTS US
This. Call. Hurt. More than any other call I have taken on this line and that is saying something. A guy called this evening not because he wanted to place an order, not because he wanted to check on an order, but because he was trying to fill out the order form and couldn’t do the math. Yes, that’s right. He could not figure out how much his items cost total. So he was calling me to ask me to do the math for him. I’m not even an order line anymore, I am the Grade 3 math assistance hotline.
I don’t mean he called and asked me to punch all the items in and tell him how much they cost either. I mean he called in and asked me if I knew how to add x amount of tax and y amount of shipping to his order which cost “around $50”. So he didn’t even give me a concrete number to work with even if I was so inclined to become his tutor. Which is just slightly important.
Yet somehow this guy still hasn’t managed to get pulled through a motel window by a polar bear?
What?
Caller had an issue with the “Whoopi dog” his niece ordered. Unfortunately, I do not believe we produce a “Whoopi dog” nor do we provide service for this supposedly jubilant ( or perhaps flatulent ) canine. So I had to regretfully inform the caller that I could not assist him with his joyful wind hound.
SOON
Me: “Ok, can I have your phone number please?”
SC: “xxxx”
Me: “Can I have the entire number please?”
SC: “Oh, Xxx-xxxx”
Me: “….can I have the entire number please? Including area code?”
SC: “Oh, xxx-xxx-xxxx.”
Me: “Thank you.”
I suppose “entire” wasn’t encompassing enough of a term. I should be more specific. Such as “Please give me the all encompassing scope of your phone number” or “please give me every single digit of your phone number that exists within this physical reality” or “Entire phone numbers have 10 digits you half wit how did you even call me without realizing this? Why must you torment me so? I swear one day. One day I will have my VENGEANCE upon you and my coming will be hailed by the darkening of the sky, the turning of the waters and the terrified cries of puppies in the distance as my blackened claws reach forth from across the great ice flows to sink their fear laced talons into your hea-
…..er….wait, scratch that last one…….....I wouldn’t want them to have any warning.
The Fangirl ( GOD HELP US )
……ok……so….Little Miss Psychonaut called this morning to whine that the police want her to come into the lock up for some reason or another. She's worried that they "found the body from 71.". Yes, thats right. She's worried that they found the body.
WARNING. WARNING. ABORT. Do not engage. I repeat! DO NOT ENGAGE.
She than began ranting about how her grandfather or the voices or the voices she calls her grandfather told her to do it and what the quack fuck just STAY AWAY. Sweet Honey Nut Christ Chex, woman!
The only small consolation is the police are after her now. ><
<whimper>
From One Extreme To The Other
Problem #1:
Your roof is leaking. You’ve been trying to get a hold of a service guy for 2 weeks. He hasn’t gotten back to you. You are sad and your family is damp.
A valid concern. You have passed my stringent standards and presented me with an issue I am compelled to assist you with. Bravo, my good man. Now, if you'll just called customer service li-
Problem #2:
You have his business card. Which includes all his contact numbers. But you do not want to call them as you feel it would be impolite to call him on one of his personal contact numbers.
-wait what? Your roof has been leaking for 2 weeks is and thus causing slow, additional damage to household. Yet rather than open your inventory and use the Red Herb he gave you to prevent the lost of additional HP, you are willfully choosing to allow a slow, drawn out demise? In the interests of politeness?
Dude, he put the contact numbers on his business card. On. His. Business.Card. This implies he willfully desires them to be used for business purposes such as being called by his customers such as you. Use. That. Number. You donkey.
Problem #3:
For some reason you won’t accept the number for customer service ( Who could resolve the problem immediately ) and just keep arguing with me about how you don’t understand why he would put this number on his card if you can’t contact him through this number.
Hint: Because it’s this company’s main number for customer inquiries. I am attempting to answer your inquiry with information that would assist you. Information that you could quite easily use to resolve your issue if you would just TAKE IT and stop arguing over it. I want to help. I really do. I am showing you the way. But for all my pointing, shoving and outright spanking you on the ass with the clue x 4 whilst calling you “Mary” and yet you still will not move down this path towards salvation.
I hope your house collapses under the weight of your own stupidity. And water. Water too.
IT HURTS US
This. Call. Hurt. More than any other call I have taken on this line and that is saying something. A guy called this evening not because he wanted to place an order, not because he wanted to check on an order, but because he was trying to fill out the order form and couldn’t do the math. Yes, that’s right. He could not figure out how much his items cost total. So he was calling me to ask me to do the math for him. I’m not even an order line anymore, I am the Grade 3 math assistance hotline.
I don’t mean he called and asked me to punch all the items in and tell him how much they cost either. I mean he called in and asked me if I knew how to add x amount of tax and y amount of shipping to his order which cost “around $50”. So he didn’t even give me a concrete number to work with even if I was so inclined to become his tutor. Which is just slightly important.
Yet somehow this guy still hasn’t managed to get pulled through a motel window by a polar bear?
What?
Caller had an issue with the “Whoopi dog” his niece ordered. Unfortunately, I do not believe we produce a “Whoopi dog” nor do we provide service for this supposedly jubilant ( or perhaps flatulent ) canine. So I had to regretfully inform the caller that I could not assist him with his joyful wind hound.
SOON
Me: “Ok, can I have your phone number please?”
SC: “xxxx”
Me: “Can I have the entire number please?”
SC: “Oh, Xxx-xxxx”
Me: “….can I have the entire number please? Including area code?”
SC: “Oh, xxx-xxx-xxxx.”
Me: “Thank you.”
I suppose “entire” wasn’t encompassing enough of a term. I should be more specific. Such as “Please give me the all encompassing scope of your phone number” or “please give me every single digit of your phone number that exists within this physical reality” or “Entire phone numbers have 10 digits you half wit how did you even call me without realizing this? Why must you torment me so? I swear one day. One day I will have my VENGEANCE upon you and my coming will be hailed by the darkening of the sky, the turning of the waters and the terrified cries of puppies in the distance as my blackened claws reach forth from across the great ice flows to sink their fear laced talons into your hea-
…..er….wait, scratch that last one…….....I wouldn’t want them to have any warning.
The Fangirl ( GOD HELP US )
……ok……so….Little Miss Psychonaut called this morning to whine that the police want her to come into the lock up for some reason or another. She's worried that they "found the body from 71.". Yes, thats right. She's worried that they found the body.
WARNING. WARNING. ABORT. Do not engage. I repeat! DO NOT ENGAGE.
She than began ranting about how her grandfather or the voices or the voices she calls her grandfather told her to do it and what the quack fuck just STAY AWAY. Sweet Honey Nut Christ Chex, woman!
The only small consolation is the police are after her now. ><
<whimper>
She's even crazier than we thought!!!!!! She doesn't know the physical location where you work, right?!?!
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