Shutting the customer down!

[Jester]

This is a story that involves no real SCedness (though the did tip me crappily later), but merely some customers who thought they would be amusing and got smacked down by my own smartassery.

The setup: There are three women and two men sitting at one of my tables at the open air bar. These people are all drinking, and are all in their fifties or so. The only two that we are concerned with are the one woman and the guy, who has curly hair, glasses, a beard, and his hair and beard have some grayness throughout, making him look vaguely like a certain celebrity. And though it may sound like it, the woman is not being snotty or an SC in this, was just having fun. Please read as such. And of course, the main character, yours truly, Mr. Smartass himself.

WOMAN: By the way, do you know who this is? (indicates bearded man)
JESTER: Not a clue.
MAN: Ignore her, I am nobody.
WOMAN: No, seriously, don't you recognize him?
JESTER: Nope.
WOMAN: This is Steven Speilberg.
MAN: No, I'm not.
JESTER: No, he's not. Steven Spielberg is from my home state of Arizona, and I am a fan of his movies, and I have a good idea what he looks like.
WOMAN: Seriously. He is just being modest. It's him.
JESTER: When I see his ID, I might believe you. But don't bet on it.
(At this point, the man is looking a bit embarrassed. I am buying none of it.)
WOMAN: I'm telling you, it's him.
JESTER: Ma'am, I've danced with Sandra Bullock. I'm not impressed.
WOMAN: Oh, that's funny.
JESTER: I'm not joking.

At this point, the whole group just stares at me. I stare back, not giving an inch. Finally....

WOMAN: Okay. You win.
JESTER: I know.

Living in Key West: Expensive.
Meeting and partying with various celebrities in Key West: Amusing.
Shutting down tourists who are trying to be funny by telling them the absolute truth, which trumps their fictional story: PRICELESS!

[Kika]

A former friend of mine would do that when we were out with her boyfriend. She'd swear up, down, and sideways that he was Corey Feldman.

The best part: most people had no clue who Corey Feldman is, and therefore didn't care.

[officegirl]

Lol that reminds me of a not-so-much-related story about my little sister. When she was a baby (no more than 2 or 3) and I was still in high school (about 14 or 15), I loved NSYNC. I had all their CD's, tons of pictures posted all over my walls and even had a video biography of them (ok, this is somewhat embarrassing to admit but it makes the story understandable). Well one night, my brothers, sister and parents went out to dinner and when the waiter came up to take orders, my little sister just stared at him like this: My mom looked over and saw her expression and asked her what was wrong. Lil sis leaned over and said, "It's NSYNC!" My little sister thought the waiter was one of the boys from NSYNC My mom told the waiter and the waiter played along, giving special attention to my sister and at the end of the night he even autographed a napkin for her. My little sister was in heaven. She's now 10 and we still make fun of her for it!

[MadMike]

A friend of mine who used to do karaoke shows in my area before he moved out of state about 6 years ago once had a job at a place that was a bar on one side, and a dance club on the other side. One night, he decided to go over to the dance club side with his cordless microphone and mess with people. He was going up to people and telling them he was a certain radio personality, and people were actually buying it! They were even asking him for bumper stickers.

Another time he tried it again, pretending to be another radio guy, but it kind of backfired, as the real guy was actually there.

[ArenaBoy]

When I was younger, I used to look like Leonardo Di Caprio. I actually get some remarks every now and then but I don't care. When Titanic came out, I was 10 years old and didn't care about it but shopkeepers, strangers, even family pointed out that I looked like him. My only regret is that I wish I was in high school and looked like him at the time the movie came out for obvious reasons.

[SongsOfDragons]

My dad looked, and still looks like George Best, the late England footballer. Seriously. Most of the people who say that to him though are either old-school footie fanatics or old people...especially the great folks at my grandfather's retirement home.

"It's Georgie Best!!"

[NightAngel]

In my part 'o Florida we have all the celebrity Scientologists. Tom Cruise, John Travolta, etc. I'm actually quite glad that they shop one store over from mine. The last thing I want is to have a big named star attempt to convert me.

[Primer]

The ex husband used to insist he looked like Richard Dreyfuss. I couldn't see it, myself.

[thegiraffe]

I've been told several times by several people that I look like Maria Sharapova (which I see a little), and once that I look like Jennifer Anniston (which I don't see at all).

I guess it depends on opinions. I'd never CLAIM to look like them though (or even be them...).

[Ljt09863]

you danced with sandra bullock?

[Kusanagi]

In my part 'o Florida we have all the celebrity Scientologists. Tom Cruise, John Travolta, etc. I'm actually quite glad that they shop one store over from mine. The last thing I want is to have a big named star attempt to convert me.

"YOU don't know your store's policies. I do!"

[Knightmare]

In my part 'o Florida we have all the celebrity Scientologists. Tom Cruise, John Travolta, etc.

Hmm... would that be in a town that rhymes with Mocala?

[AFpheonix]

A former friend of mine would do that when we were out with her boyfriend. She'd swear up, down, and sideways that he was Corey Feldman.

The best part: most people had no clue who Corey Feldman is, and therefore didn't care.

For some wierd reason, I was thinking of Michael Feldman until I googled Corey. Ah well.

[Jester]

I've been told several times by several people that I look like Maria Sharapova (which I see a little), and once that I look like Jennifer Anniston (which I don't see at all).

Anniston? No. Sharapova? Vaguely. Personally I think you look more like (and please don't hit me for this, just an opinion) a more wholesome Tara Reid. Or maybe even Amy Smart.

Myself, I look vaguely like a young Bob Dylan. Especially back in the P.G. days (Pre Goatee). This in itself would be no big deal, other than the karaoke tie-in. See, I love karaoke. Problem is, I can't sing worth a fig. ("What's a fig?" "They know what it is.") Like many other DJ's, I am a musician at heart, but not in reality. That being said, I have found that I do an absolutely scary impression of Bob Dylan. I usually do "Like a Rolling Stone" and have brought the house down with that, but have also been known (more recently) to do "Tangled Up in Blue," one of the most difficult songs to sing for its bizarre timing. I also once, years ago, did a duet of "Knockin' on Heaven's Door" with a guy who did a spot on Axl Rose. Amusingly, one day, back when I was PG, but had a day's growth or so, and was wearing shades, this girl came up to me after "Like a Rolling Stone," looked HARD at me, and said, "My God. You are Bob Dylan!" It was hilarious.

you danced with sandra bullock?

Um, yes. Did magic tricks for her too. Amusing story, that. Sweet girl.

[zzapp the witch]

In the summer of 1998 I had just gotten out of the Army and took the train all across the US, from South Carolina to Oregon. I had a holdover in DC, so I went and got my Library of Congress Library Card (still one of the coolest things in my wallet). While crossing a street making my way back to the station, I saw a woman I just KNEW that I had seen somewhere before. She saw me looking at her and smiled very sweetly, and I said,"I'm sorry ma'am, but I could swear I recognize you, I'm just too tired to make my brain work." She laughed and said that I probably DID know her, so I asked her what her name was. She just winked, and smiled and said, "Oh, you'll think of it later." Then it was time to cross. About half an hour later, as the train was pulling out of the station, I realized: THAT WAS MEG RYAN!

Other than that, the only other cool thing I can think of is playing poker with Willie Nelson when he played our county fair. I was 16 I think, and felt bad because I was winning money off of him, and he was SO drunk and stoned, and I'd heard that he was really poor. Who says 4-H wasn't fun? 3am, playing poker, eating leftover catering, and having a grizzly exbiker roadie teaching me how to beat all the other guys at the table. I look back on it now and feel so lucky that nothing happened, cause I was the only girl in the room, and its not like anyone (cept a couple of other 4-Hers) knew where I was.