I'm Beginning to Unravel...

[Andara Bledin]

SC: “That’s spelled the English way.”

What, exactly, was the word she was referring to?

Attention, citizens. This is a simple inquiry. It has but 3 options. They are Visa, Mastercard and Amex, the freak card. No, seriously, Amex doesn’t have enough numbers. It’s not right. It’s like its missing a chromosome.

AmEx gave up a card number to the CCV number. And then they put it on the front of the card, rendering it completely useless as a security device. I think I'm with you on the missing chromosome bit.

“My NBNA”
“Oh, on my NBNA please”

I do not know what an NBNA is.

It's MBNA, which is the same sort of thing as:

“On my CIBC”
“On my Bank of Montreal”

Hope that helps!

“On my Canadian Tire Options card”

That's probably the same as saying "My Southwest card," or "My Marriott Rewards card." Both of those put out regular credit cards that give them reward points back to the company named.

Of course, none of that changes the fact that none of those answers is even remotely useful.

….Haggis? Ok, what the hell, that can not be right. There’s no way someone would make clothing in the “colour” ha-…..well I’ll be damned, it comes in Haggis. It comes in Haggis and you’re going to wear it. Alright than.

Ok. I just found a Haggis Color Pallete, and I still don't know what color that is.

<cries silently>

Aww... there, there, Gk. *pats gently on the shoulder in a non-threatening and comforting manner*

What the hell are MPS sunglasses?!

Just like it sounds, they are overpriced sunglasses with a built-in MP3 player. You know, call it an eyePod.

^-.-^

[Gravekeeper]

Sweltering? I had to wear a sweater to work on Wednesday! Might have been because the heating in my workplace only has two settings: freezer and inferno.

I keep the thermostat set to "Morgue" when I'm at work. -.-

Was it something like, for example (my name), Amy=english way, Aimee=french way?

Nope. The name was actually German.

Just to tell you that he won? Like going back to Safeway and telling the cashier that I made a delicious pie with the flour that she sold me?

It was a she~

And what colour is 'Haggis' exactly?

Oddly, it turns out its......sort of blue.

What the hell are MPS sunglasses?!

Sunglasses that play MP3s. -.-



I swear if I see a rubber duck at the mall tomorrow, I *am* buying it.

[Gravekeeper]

Just like it sounds, they are overpriced sunglasses with a built-in MP3 player. You know, call it an eyePod.

^-.-^

Yep, those are the ones. Oakley THUMPARZ. Cept he was ordering the 1 gig model.

[Crab]

Ye gods and little monsters. How you put up with this stuff boggles my mind, GK.

Though I believe the Queen Mum would be Charles' grandmother.

I believe she would be DEAD.

[cinema guy]

No haggis I have ever eaten is blue. It is a brown colour. And I would hate to see the sheep whose inards are blue.

And the queen mum has been dead sice 2002. She was 101. I know Camilla is no beauty, but she's got to be better in bed than a century old woman, who's been decomposing for seven years.

[Jester]

Are you even dressed? Or did you just roll out of bed butt naked over cheese stained sheets...

I'm worried about you, GK. It sounds oddly like you know something about this sort of behavior, as if you speak from experience.

You know, the kind of guy that sends you a picture of his dick within 15 minutes of chatting with him on MSN.

How do I put this politely.....DO you have experience with this sort of behavior? Is it something you have encountered frequently in your online dealings?

Yes, unbeknown to me I’ve been riding bareback behind Pestilence, the 1st rider of the Apocalypse on a nightly basis and he's wearing assless chaps.

Okay, dude, I am really getting concerned about the theme this week's posting seems to have. You really need to start getting out more and spending time with people other than just your cat and the strange denizens of the Sky Train.

Seriously, if you don't get help from CustomersSuck.com, please...get help somewhere.

SC: “I’m calling from winter 2009.”

Not content to merely annoy me in the present, they’re now calling from the future as well.

Ah, not necessarily. They could very well be calling from the past as well. January and February, after all, were part of winter 2009, you know.

And with that, The Little Engine That Could suffered a catastrophic valve failure, caught fire and slowly rolled backwards down the mountain in a blazing coal inferno while his passengers screamed and leapt from the moving wreckage into the ditch to escape the flames. Upon reaching the bottom he derailed into the forest, setting it alight and burning several hundred acres of lush forest to the ground, killing untold amounts of wildlife, wiping out a logging camp, a children’s summer camp and rendering the Northland Speckled Wren completely extinct.

Truly one of your greatest descriptions of failure in your illustrious career, my friend. This is what I expect and hope to see from you....less naked male gigolos and more homicidal and destructive imagery. Bravo, sir! Bravo!

….did you really just say “dot” as part of your name? To explain a period? Really? Is this the extent of your grasp of punctuation?

I don't know why, but it seems every week you express shock and contempt about something one of your clients do and I actually defend that particular behavior. Well, this is that part of this week.

How can I defend this? Simple. Because in the last decade or two, "dot" has become synonymous with the period due to the way a period is expressed in web addresses. "Dot com" is completely a part of the lexicon these days, despite the obvious fact that the thing being called a "dot" is, in fact, a period. Yes, I know a period IS a dot, physically, but before the whole internet revolution, no one would ever call it "dot." So, while *I* would never do it, I can certainly see someone referring to a period, especially in a name, as "dot" rather than "period."

Considering the fact that I have heard people actually use textspeak in real conversations, such as "lol" and "btw" and "omg," the whole "dot" thing doesn't seem like that much of a stretch to me, and frankly, it is far less offensive to my sensibilities as a grammarian.

It's the same experience that has me resorting to a) spelling out my given name [Amy] and b) spelling out my last name without asking

I have a short, simple first name, albeit one with several common spellings. So I often spell it out when giving my name to companies, etc.

I have a short, simple last name, that does not have several spellings, yet I find myself spelling that out too, just because people are stupid and far more often than I can believe I find them screwing up said short, simple last name. The sad part about all this is that said short, simple last name is a fairly common and very well known word in the English language....and people still screw it up.

I keep the thermostat set to "Morgue" when I'm at work.

You would get along well with Nurse Betty. I had to lower the apartment's thermostat several degrees to make her comfortable during her stay, and I think we already keep the place pretty cool. (Though in her defense, my room IS the warmest one in the apartment.)

So yeah, you two can go ice-skating together at home and at work. I far prefer my normal, non-Arctic thermostat setting.

[Teskeria]

Just curious GK. why do you have to ask them which CC they are using. All Mastercards start with 5, all Visas with 4, Amex starts with 37, Discover with 6011, and sorry been more than 10 years so I no longer remember all the others. Although I think Diners Club starts with 6.
Amex is 15 number, Mastercard 16 and Visa is either 13 or 16. simple.
Saves you one really difficult step, that of getting them to comprehend the question "Which card will you be using?"

[Jester]

Teskeria, my guess is that GK has to get the card type first to punch that into the computer before he can further process the transaction.

I know I am not in a call center, and undoubtedly have a different type of computer, but in The Bar, when I am closing someone out, before I can swipe their card (or, if necessary, punch in their card number manually), I have to first indicate which card it is. While this is not a big deal when I have the card in hand, there are rare occasions when, for whatever reason, people are paying over the phone with their credit card.

The most common reason for this, if you are wondering, is if a third party is paying for someone's meal, which happens from time to time as a gift, especially when the recipients of such largesse are honeymooning couples.

[Becks]

There is a drunk man outside the front door trying to rap. You would like me to call security and/or the police. For once, I wholeheartedly agree with you. In fact I would call security for you even if he wasn’t drunk.

And here I thought they congregated in front of my apartment building 3 or 4 nights a week and had caught up on their sleep the rest of the week.

Instead, they take their show on the road.

[SorchaMochrie]

-4 Con

You know, I felt a tad under the weather last weekend. A phenomena I could not quite pinpoint the cause of seeing as it’s the middle of summer. But this evening, as I was going about my ritualistic shift duties, I recalled an article I had read on the Interwebs about the absolute filthiest most germ ridden objects in the known universe. Of which the humble keyboard ranks incredibly high. Of course, one of my duties at night is to log all the computers in, thus ensuring I touch every keyboard in the office.

Yes, unbeknown to me I’ve been riding bareback behind Pestilence, the 1st rider of the Apocalypse on a nightly basis and he's wearing assless chaps.

That would be this article:

6 Items You Touch Everyday That Are Filthier Than a Toilet

http://www.cracked.com/article_17495_p2.html

Wouldn't it?

[prb]

For future reference:

Mastercard - HSBC, MBNA, BMO, Can Tire, Nat Bank, CUETS/CUCO, PC/Loblaws, Platinum Plus (MBNA)
Visa - TD, CIBC, BNS, RBC, Citizens Bank

[Jester]

For future reference:

Mastercard - HSBC, MBNA, BMO, Can Tire, Nat Bank, CUETS/CUCO, PC/Loblaws, Platinum Plus (MBNA)
Visa - TD, CIBC, BNS, RBC, Citizens Bank

Among a million other possible permutations. Hell, I don't have it, but off the top of my head I noticed you didn't get Capital One. ("What's in your wallet?")

The point is, it is not the CSR's responsibility to know which card issuer issues which card type. And honestly, the vast majority of people know that when they are asked "what card type?" or "what kind of card will you be using?", etc., they are being asked for Visa, MC, Amex, DC, or Discover--short of them having a brain fart, of course. The people who don't get this are pretty much idiots.

[prb]

Among a million other possible permutations. Hell, I don't have it, but off the top of my head I noticed you didn't get Capital One. ("What's in your wallet?")

The point is, it is not the CSR's responsibility to know which card issuer issues which card type. And honestly, the vast majority of people know that when they are asked "what card type?" or "what kind of card will you be using?", etc., they are being asked for Visa, MC, Amex, DC, or Discover--short of them having a brain fart, of course. The people who don't get this are pretty much idiots.

Oh, I know but no one in my family seems to realize that one, I usually hear them on the phone arguing about the card issuer instead of the type, the best is the "My OREA Credit Card, no i don't know what type it is, the bottom right? it says Platinum Plus (uh... thats top right), oh, below that? it has my name" (this is where I usually pick up another phone, interrupt, and say "Mastercard" or "Visa" as the case may be...

[El Pollo Guerrera]

<snip>

How did you even dress yourself this morning? Are you even dressed? Or did you just roll out of bed butt naked over cheese stained sheets and crawled over to the phone because your delicate, Jabba like form was hit by a sudden cruel frigid wind in nether regions you weren’t aware you even had and have never known the touch of the sun. At which point, for the first time in your life, you desired cloth to protect your delicate flesh from the harsh environment. So you dragged yourself to the phone and expressed your desire for a shirt. Something to cover your dainty bosom with.

Not just any shirt, the most obnoxious shirt you could possibly select. A shirt whose full body design looks like the sort of tattoo that “tough” guys get when they have a MySpace page to post half naked pictures of themselves to so they can bask in their own amazing badassery while they oil themselves in a mirror for 30 minutes every morning. You know, the kind of guy that sends you a picture of his dick within 15 minutes of chatting with him on MSN.

<snip>

Yes, unbeknown to me I’ve been riding bareback behind Pestilence, the 1st rider of the Apocalypse on a nightly basis and he's wearing assless chaps.

<snip>
And with that, The Little Engine That Could suffered a catastrophic valve failure, caught fire and slowly rolled backwards down the mountain in a blazing coal inferno while his passengers screamed and leapt from the moving wreckage into the ditch to escape the flames. Upon reaching the bottom he derailed into the forest, setting it alight and burning several hundred acres of lush forest to the ground, killing untold amounts of wildlife, wiping out a logging camp, a children’s summer camp and rendering the Northland Speckled Wren completely extinct.

<snip>

But the rest of you are calling from the Prairies. There is no excuse for you. GO TO FUCKING BED. I mean it. Go. Now. Seriously. Or I will find you. I swear it to whatever Gods still listen to me. If the mail can get there, so can I even if I have to jump out of a plane and hike for 3 days. I WILL find where you live and I will be bringing a fucking croquet mallet and a fucking rubber ducky named Mr Quackers.

One way or another I promise you within 30 minutes of me finding you, Mr Quackers puckered little ducky beak lips will be pressed lovingly against your prostate.

<snip>

Your job may have pushed you over the edge of sanity, but damn you know how to create an incredible mental image.

Oh, and a former co-irker had shelled out a ridiculous amount of money for a pair of MP3 sunglasses ("Because they're COOOL!") but didn't have the equipment (like a computer) required to put any music into them...

Now that I think of it, he was also a HUGE fan of the Transformers movie... There must be some sort of corelation there...

[Skeksin]

Which means the secret to time travel must somehow involve beer and huskies. I’m not sure exactly how, per say. Perhaps if you rub the huskies together, then rub your head on the huskies to build up a static charge then touch a can of Coors Light it somehow tears a hole through space time. A rift the average person only needs a pair of stained boxer shorts and a baseball cap to survive the journey through.

Don't you know? This is the average man's flux capacitor. Mush Rex!