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So I've been off the board for quite some time now.
During most of the winter I was only mildly employed (working about 4 hours a week) and then I was flat out UNemployed until May.
My new job is at an adult store. An adult toy store, if you catch my drift.
If you don't, we sell dildos, vibrators et al.
It's simple, it's relaxed, it's easy, and believe it or not the weirdo to good customer ration is about 1:50.
But then there is the ASSHOLE to good customer ratio.
Most of our jerks are strippers. They bitch and moan about our shoe selection as well as our lingerie, not taking into account that the majority of our sales are focused on toys.
On top of the strippers (hey-oh) are the losers who come in for a good laugh.
This story is about one of those people.
I should mention that I was told right off the bat when I started here that, "We don't get paid to take people's shit so if someone is creeping you out or pissing you off you tell them to leave."
POWEEEEEEEEEER!
Alright, so Douchebag and his loyal sidekick Sir Chuckles come in while I am ringing through a woman's purchase.
I knew the second they walked in they were going to be a pain and so did the woman I was helping.
douchebag = DB
female customer = FC
DB: Ah man, I ALWAYS walk past this joint and never come in! This is AWESOME!
FC: *looks to me and rolls her eyes*
Me: *whispering to FC* Oooh lucky meeee!
FC: HA! Good luck with these idiots.
DB: *to me* So which one of these [14" dildos] is your favourite?
Me: The one with the chain on the end. It makes for a good throwing tool.
DB and Sir Chuckles giggle and I redirect my attention to my crossword puzzle.
DB: Ah yeah, I'm getting horny just thinking about you using it.
Me: *snaps up* Alright, get out!
DB: What?
Me: You heard me. Get out, don't come back and do it without opening your mouth.
DB: Why do you gotta be such a prude? You'd think you'd be a little more loose if you work in a sex store.
Me: Let me tell you something: we don't put up with smartasses here and it has nothing to do with being PRUDE and everything to do with being RUDE. You're rude. Get out.
AT this point they're both standing by the exit but holding their ground as if to say, "I'm not moving, bitch. MAKE me leave."
I'm a small woman and these are two dudes who are looking to act like jackasses. I'm not taking any chances.
DB: That's probably why you need those things, cuz you're such a BITCH!
Me: I can do with the smaller cocks too, you little shithead. *Here is where I pick up the Penis Putter golf club* Now GET OUT! And don't EVER come back!
When my CW came in for the shift change I told her about these two and her response was, "I would have hit 'em with the fucking thing."
I love my job.
During most of the winter I was only mildly employed (working about 4 hours a week) and then I was flat out UNemployed until May.
My new job is at an adult store. An adult toy store, if you catch my drift.
If you don't, we sell dildos, vibrators et al.
It's simple, it's relaxed, it's easy, and believe it or not the weirdo to good customer ration is about 1:50.
But then there is the ASSHOLE to good customer ratio.
Most of our jerks are strippers. They bitch and moan about our shoe selection as well as our lingerie, not taking into account that the majority of our sales are focused on toys.
On top of the strippers (hey-oh) are the losers who come in for a good laugh.
This story is about one of those people.
I should mention that I was told right off the bat when I started here that, "We don't get paid to take people's shit so if someone is creeping you out or pissing you off you tell them to leave."
POWEEEEEEEEEER!
Alright, so Douchebag and his loyal sidekick Sir Chuckles come in while I am ringing through a woman's purchase.
I knew the second they walked in they were going to be a pain and so did the woman I was helping.
douchebag = DB
female customer = FC
DB: Ah man, I ALWAYS walk past this joint and never come in! This is AWESOME!
FC: *looks to me and rolls her eyes*
Me: *whispering to FC* Oooh lucky meeee!
FC: HA! Good luck with these idiots.
DB: *to me* So which one of these [14" dildos] is your favourite?
Me: The one with the chain on the end. It makes for a good throwing tool.
DB and Sir Chuckles giggle and I redirect my attention to my crossword puzzle.
DB: Ah yeah, I'm getting horny just thinking about you using it.
Me: *snaps up* Alright, get out!
DB: What?
Me: You heard me. Get out, don't come back and do it without opening your mouth.
DB: Why do you gotta be such a prude? You'd think you'd be a little more loose if you work in a sex store.
Me: Let me tell you something: we don't put up with smartasses here and it has nothing to do with being PRUDE and everything to do with being RUDE. You're rude. Get out.
AT this point they're both standing by the exit but holding their ground as if to say, "I'm not moving, bitch. MAKE me leave."
I'm a small woman and these are two dudes who are looking to act like jackasses. I'm not taking any chances.
DB: That's probably why you need those things, cuz you're such a BITCH!
Me: I can do with the smaller cocks too, you little shithead. *Here is where I pick up the Penis Putter golf club* Now GET OUT! And don't EVER come back!
When my CW came in for the shift change I told her about these two and her response was, "I would have hit 'em with the fucking thing."
I love my job.
Cannibalism requires eating, not beating.
Eric the Grey
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