Fresh coffee or DEATH! (Long-ish)

[AFpheonix]

TNT's restaurant: where the coffee is coffee, and the sheep are scared?

[Becks]

Thanks, AFp!!!!!

[Bliss]

Between Mysty, AFp and TNT you have me in stitches.

[friendofjimmyk]

And you don't need to take out a second mortgage, either.

Oh, they have real sizes, too.

And you don't have to order it, "calf, half calf, mocha, java, carmel, cocoa, half decaf, moons, no whip cream, double shot, cats, venti, minty, skim" while you are tapping your head and rubbing your belly while standing on one foot AND whistling Dixie.

[RogueOne]

Exactly. You can't go to Starbucks and get a coffee coffee.

Go here for a coffee house rant: www.illwillpress.com Click on "toons" and select either "Coffee House Propaganda" or "Small, Medium, Large" Oh, hell, watch both.


Warning: The cartoons on the site do contain mature language and themes, so don't say I didn't warn ya!

[Jester]

I have to jump in here with my stories of a Non-Caffeinated Life.

I do not drink coffee. Never have. Love the smell, hate the taste. (Yes, I have tried it.) I also don't like tea, hot or iced. As I often say, if I am drinking something brewed, it damn well better be beer.

Be that as it may, I used to be a caffeine addict. I got my caffeine from sodas (Coke and Dr. Pepper mostly). I say used to because I removed caffeine from my diet in 1990. That's right, I have not drank caffeine (with a very few road trip exceptions) for sixteen years. When people ask me why, I diplomatically explain to them that I don't like being doubled over in pain. See, caffeine treats my stomach in a fashion similar to the way Ike Turner treated Tina.

Now, at this point in my life, you would think that my friends might have caught on to this fact. You would be sadly mistaken.

My friend FE, who I have mentioned here before, is a big fan of both Jager Bombs and Grape Bombs. For those not in the know, a Jager Bomb is Jagermeister and Red Bull, and a Grape Bomb is Three Olives Grape vodka and Red Bull. Red Bull, of course, is that energy drink with the amusing commercials that happens to me to smell like ass. I hate pouring it at my bar even more than I hate pouring gin, which is a testament to its overpowering smell. Anyway, although FE has known me now for seven years, the entire time of which I have not drank caffeine AND he has been aware of this, he will STILL order a round of Bombs and be surprised when I will decline one. This happens with a lot of people, as Bombs are all the rage in bars nowadays, but most people are not aware that I don't drink caffeine. FE is, as I said, not unaware of this fact. The conversation with him (and with some others) goes something like this...

FE: Have a Jager Bomb!
JESTER: Um, no thanks. I don't drink caffeine. However, I will gladly have a Red Headed Slut. (Jagermeister, peach schnapps, and cranberry juice)
FE: Stop being such a wuss and have one.
JESTER: Wuss? Mine has more booze, genius.

There are many variations of this conversation, but you get the idea.

Then there is my other friend, Aviator. Aviator and his wife are both vegetarians. They have been so since high school (they are in their thirties), and are not preachy about it. They could sit at dinner with you and watch you eat a steak and not care. They just choose not to eat any meat at all. And that is fine. However, a few years ago, Aviator's wife started managing coffee shops. And she and Aviator discovered the joy of the coffee culture. And every so often, he would be talking to me, and trying to convince me that if I ever tried a really well-made coffee drink, I would enjoy it. Despite my protests to the contrary, and despite my explanation that I preferred to avoid abdominal pain, this continued off and on for a bit. Finally, one day, when we were talking on the phone, he started in on me again, trying to convert me to the Coffee Culture. Fed up with him at this point, I shot out, "Tell ya what, dude. I'll try coffee the day you eat meat!"

And that was the end of those conversations.


So, I don't drink caffeine. I have never smoked. I don't use recreational drugs (anymore). I basically have only two vices now. Booze and women.
I am much better at the booze.

[georgiab]

I waitressed for a few years and it never failed you had those entitlement whores who demanded you brew them a fresh pot no matter how many times you would tell them it wasn't even five minutes old. There were this group of older snob like decaf coffee drinkers that came in on an extremely busy shift (mind you I am the only waitress of the entire resturant with no less than 40 peoplein the resturant). I serve them the coffee to which they did not even sip and said it was "old". THEY DIDN"T EVEN TRY IT!!! So some time later my sister was waitressing with me to earn extra money and they came in I had just made a fresh pot of decaf and no complaints from anyone because i just made it. Well they pull the they are not drinking it stunt with her and she doesn't know what to do...I refuse to make another pot and they are pissed Oh well as they storm out I yell (not profesional I know) Tell me how it's not fresh when I just made it...My manager praised me because they had always done the same to her!

[Spiffy McMoron]

Decafinated coffee: It's useless warm brown water.

Decaffeinated coffee: Just like regular coffee, except it sucks.

Fun Fact Time!:
There is still minor amounts of caffeine in decaf coffee. Nowadays, they use steam to remove the caffeine, but in the early days of decaffeinating, they used to seep the caffeine out with formaldahyde-that's right, the same stuff that they embalm people with!

Stopped by a Tim's today, and I noticed this sign on the door and at the front counter, both of which said:

We are actively recruiting employees, so patience and understanding are appreciated to maintain our current level of employees

Now most retail and food businesses are having a tough enough time trying to get workers, so I assume some employees finally got sick and tired of hearing people bitch and moan about the terrible service, and stomped out in the middle of a shift.

[DesignFox]

It is amazing how impatient people are. Unfortunately, once in awhile, we all get stuck dealing with a Noob. Patience people! I think our customers often forget that, in their jobs, they were once Noobs, too. Give 'em chance.

On the coffee note- those cartoons are pretty funny!

And, I don't know how people can tell the difference between 5 min old coffee, and fresh out of the pot coffee...um..I mean...really? As long as it hasn't been sitting around for hours burning into the pot, it's gotta taste fine...it's just coffee, people! Get Over Yourselves!!!

[Cyanocobalamin]

I will tolerate coffee that is over 24 hours old...



Provided I brewed it myself at home in my own coffee maker. Sometimes I'm too lazy or in a rush in the morning to make a fresh pot

[NightAngel]

Java Mama

I will tolerate coffee that is over 24 hours old...

My brother from another mother! (just a saying...)

I am the Java Mama- I LOVE COFFEE! I am a junkie of immense proportions. I also love StarBucks- Venti Mocha Frappucino=Life Blood.

Anyhoo~ I also used to waitress in a coffee house. I never waited for the pot to even finish when someone wanted a "fresh cup" I'd just stick their cup under the stream of coffee then switch back to the pot once the cup was full. No waiting.


Decaf is "useless brown water"- I agree. It also tastes different than regular coffee- it's gross. However, my Grandmother who is also a coffee junkie is actually allergic to regular coffee- it breaks her out. One cup and she's rashed- decaf doesn't do that to her. It was pretty hard on her when she decided to switch completely to decaf.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Decafinated coffee: It's useless warm brown water.

ALL coffee is useless brown water. Just like diarrhea. Plus coffee makes your breath reek like...well, diarrhea.

Like Jester, I like the smell of it, but hate the taste of it.

The only coffee products I consume are Cappuchinos or Gloria Jeans "ice cream coffees". for lack of a better term. If I need a caffeine fix, I get it from Mountain Dew or energy drinks.

[Writer Cath]

I'd forgotten about this one

*White Mage casts Thread Resurrect*

While we're on the subject, I'll mention something else: It's not just the time the coffee's been out, it's the way the coffee is served.

I worked at another Tim's my last year in school, it was a campus thing, quite heavenly actually: worked by myself and no drive-thru. I got to do things the way I wanted.

Anyway this little white haired man walks up to me and since I'm not busy I smile. This was around my first week on the job so I'd never seen him before.

He marches up to the counter, goes. "I'd like an extra large cup of black coffee, filled right to the rim and here's how you put the lid on it."

Let me reiterate that: Here's how you put the lid on it.

As if I haven't put the lid on a hundred cups of coffee today alone. He starts talking about how if you put the lid on normally, then there is a kind of "parachute effect" and the coffee will shoot up everywhere. I wonder how long it took him to figure that out? To his credit, he never said it again but one day I was training a new guy and saw the guy walk up. I leaned to the new guy and go, "I bet you five dollars he'll say 'I'd like an extra large cup of black coffee, filled right to the rim and here's how you put the lid on it."

.... and sure enough, it was the same speech, word for word

[Banrion]

I will drink any sort of coffee as long as there is nothing floating in it. But I have to say right now I am totally addicted to Starbucks Cinnamon Dolce Lattes they are heaven.

[katie kaboom]

But decaf? what a waste of time!

Ah, but not for those of us who love coffee but get kidney stones from too much caffeine. To us, decaf is brilliant.