The joys of a common name

[Akasa]

My name is Heather, I went to high school with 10 other Heathers. I'm used to having a common name, so imagine my surprise when I moved to Hawaii and people started mispronouncing my name!

[Sarlon]

nothing like having the name steve...(no thats not my name).

I know of 4 steves, 2 in my gaming group, one here from the forums, and one whom lives in Australia (all good friends of mine).

but in reguards to the 2 steves in my gaming group conversations normally go something like this with some slight variations...

me: So I ran into steve the other day...

Friend: Which steve...talkative Steve or asshole Steve?

Steve (talkative one)...hardly says much.

Steve (@sshole one)...freely admits hes one.

[thedrunkenmonkey]

.... Sometime during this he demanded the CEO's personal phone number (yeah, right!), and continues thusly:

SC: stupid/sucky customer
Me: Yours truly

SC: I'll find out who you are and make you fix this!
Me: Is that a threat? May I remind you that all communication with us is logged. I will forward this chat to the police.
SC: Fine. Give me the CEO's phone number.
Me: I don't even have that. I have no contact with him whatsoever.

I sent him over to my supervisor gladly to get him out of my chat queue so I could go to break. That has to be one of the few times having a really common name paid off.

I'm working on a business plan for the sales and distribution of my own beer and distilled spirits, with the intent of placing the chairmanship of the company in the paws of a golden retriever with brain damage. Not much has been ironed out for certain, but I do want to make it a point that any of my reps who get these kinds of calls should immediately flag it for my consideration.

If I get anyone screaming that they want the CEO's number, I'll happily have a floating message line set up for them to call. And I'll call those people right back, at my leisure.

My script will go something like this.

"Hi! This is The Drunken Monkey of Brain-Damaged Golden Retriever Ale. How are you?"
<SC mumbles something semi-self-righteous and urr, uh, whoa.>
"I'd just like you to know that I'm recording this conversation for posterity, and it will be made public. Is that okay with you?"
<SC, if clever, will say no. More likely, though, he'll say yes.>
"Excellent. Now, on behalf of the Chairman of the Board and myself, we would like to say go fuck yourself sideways with a chainsaw. No, really. You tried to browbeat one of our employees into giving you my number, which you obviously would have attempted to use to harass me personally. As you may have guessed, I don't give a flying fuck about you personally, but I do find it interesting that you attempted to go right to the source to give them your what for. Here's my what-for - you don't get to drink my beer. Ever. My beer is too good for the likes of you. You can take all of your beer that you purchased from me and shove it right up your stifling ass. Do you know why?"
<cries of outrage>
"Because my people are the reason I make beer. I make beer because I love beer. I make beer because it's a calling, a passion, a lifestyle, a medicinal value that helps people and embraces their lives. You have a passion for making anonymous people miserable who you don't know. You, sir, can go fuck yourself with a fucking chainsaw dipped in carbolic acid and the misery of a thousand papercuts soaked in lemon juice and jalapeno sauce. Do not, under any circumstances, call us again, or we will be forced to use your original call in one of our upcoming Super Bowl ads featuring America's Dumbest Self-Righteous Pricks. Do I make myself clear?"
<sound of barking dog>
"Oh, and Brain-Damaged said you can suck out his necrotic farts."
*click*

It probably wouldn't go like that, but true assholes would be called on their bullshit by me, with my employee in the room or conferenced in to hear me ream the guy a new one.

My reasoning: he wouldn't buy more of our crap anyway and anyone who is going to listen to a prick who feels self-justified in abusing someone on the phone for personal gain isn't someone I want to sell things to anyway.

[draftermatt]

My name is Heather, I went to high school with 10 other Heathers.

My wife's name is also Heather. She actually had another Heather in her homeroom in Highschool. They had the same last name too!

Different middle names so whenever we had to do something (like buy tickets to prom/homecoming) we had to specify middle name or initial.

[otakuneko]

Truly, drunken monkey, you must have been inspired by the label on Arrogant Bastard Ale.

[DGoddessChardonnay]

I was in a class like that back in high school. The teacher would call on "Mike", and one of two things always happened -- we'd all answer, or none of us would.

I go through similar at work with the name "Steven." We have two of them (and one Steve in addition) so if one of them is paged, it's Steven *lastname*.

Of course I suggested putting numbers on them and just paging "Steven One, Steven Two, Steve Three . . ." Funny nobody has taken me up on that yet.

[Midorikawa]

Whoa...drunkenmonkey: I brew beer too...give me a job there. :-P

As for the customer not staying with you, yes, this customer is still with us after all this. Our customers are either 1) too lazy to change, or 2) something crawled up this guy's ass and died so he's taking it out on a poor defenseless scripting tech, or 3) he's just wanting to (try to) ruin someone's day.

...in any case, the guy fails at life, and failed to make me mad. All he did was make me laugh. :-D

[AccountingDrone]

I go through similar at work with the name "Steven." We have two of them (and one Steve in addition) so if one of them is paged, it's Steven *lastname*.

Of course I suggested putting numbers on them and just paging "Steven One, Steven Two, Steve Three . . ." Funny nobody has taken me up on that yet.

My mother in law is Jane 1 of 7 at her work .... and they all joke about it. They even made it her email Jane1of7 - she is head charge nurse at a rehab hospital. It takes a definite sense of humor to work day in and out with surgical rehab that specializes in head and spinal injuries.

[cinema guy]

I have three mates called John.

So there is Market John, Video John and Anorak John. (one has a market stall, one wears an anorak all year round, and one works in a video store).

And two called Dave.

So there is <town he lives in> Dave, and Flash-car Dave (formerly Shed Dave).

[Jester]

Though my name is fairly common, I have been fortunate in my life to have almost never worked with another guy with said name. It has happened a few times, but invariably, it doesn't last long. Seems to be some kind of curse against anyone with my name working where I work.

I did, however, live with a guy with my name for a while. Phone calls were amusing.

CALLER: "Can I speak with [Jester's name]?
JESTER: "Which one?"
CALLER: "The one with long hair."
JESTER: "Okay....which one?"
CALLER: "The DJ."
JESTER: "Yeah....which one?"
CALLER: "The tall one."
JESTER: "Oh, okay. Hang on, I'll get him."

I fully believe you can go into any public place and yell "MIKE!" and at least 7 guys will turn around.

I saw a part of a movie once (don't know what movie) where the lead characters get to the beach and the girl yells at a bunch of surfer dudes, "Hey, Todd!" and one of them starts to head over. One of the lead guys says to her, "You know him?" And she says, "No. But one of them is always Todd!"

Truly, drunken monkey, you must have been inspired by the label on Arrogant Bastard Ale.

Great label. I was surprised at how much I really didn't like the beer, though. With a name like that, I really wanted to like it. *sigh*

[Mango]

"hey Mark, this is Mark, is Mark available?"

It gets even better with a guy I used to work for named Colin.

"Hey Colin, it's Colin callin'. Can I talk to Colin?"

[the toy guy]

It's fun on the phone "Hey Matt, it's Matt"

Nice to meet you, Matt. I'm Matt.

There's two Education majors at my school with identical names. "Elizabeth Ann Smith" and "Elizabeth Annah Smith". Not only that, they're in the same education concentration: the first is double majoring in special education and music, the second in special education. They are constantly getting each others' e-mails, often about sensitive information including college medical and financial status, class updates from teachers, everything. They finally met each other this semester when they had a class together so they could find out who they'd been forwarding all these e-mails to, but they can't get the school to keep them straight.

There's another Matt at my new job who has the same last name as me. Shortly after I started, I was scheduled to train for a new ISP, but my emails were sent to him by mistake. I'm told that he showed up very confused, since he had already finished that training.

My father, grandfather and *his* father were all named John. With the same (not quite so common) surname. But they did at least have unique middle names - my grandfather had two of them. I got a slightly different name to break the monotony.

My family has done the same thing (with a different name). We all go by our middle names, though.

[KabeRinnaul]

At our store, whenever there's a page for "Chris", someone has to stop them and ask if it's for Chris the Bagger, Chris the Cashier/Supervisor (me), Chris in Produce, or Chris in Grocery.

It's usually for me or Produce Chris.

And a couple years ago, the was a second Bagger Chris.

[EmiOfBrie]

I saw a part of a movie once (don't know what movie) where the lead characters get to the beach and the girl yells at a bunch of surfer dudes, "Hey, Todd!" and one of them starts to head over. One of the lead guys says to her, "You know him?" And she says, "No. But one of them is always Todd!"

For some reason, I keep thinking it's "Speed Zone" (aka "Cannonball Run III") because I keep envisioning Shari Belafonte saying the line. (In "Speed Zone", she's trying to give "hot girl lessons" to her hot-but-unaware-of-it driving companion)

[Jay 2K Winger]

At our store, whenever there's a page for "Chris", someone has to stop them and ask if it's for Chris the Bagger, Chris the Cashier/Supervisor (me), Chris in Produce, or Chris in Grocery.

It's usually for me or Produce Chris.

And a couple years ago, the was a second Bagger Chris.

Had this kind of thing happening at the wholesale club when we had a bunch of guys with the same first name. I tended to either append their job to their name ("Cart Guy Tom") or called them by their last name.