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Hey all, longtime lurker (seriously, there should be a restraining order or something...) and somebody who shall remain nameless told me I need to start posting my tales of woe as a DJ aboard the many fine cruise ships of the daughter of the King & Queen.
This story comes from the caribbean during spring break... now for anyone who doesn't know, spring break in the Caribbean on a Cruise ship is an alcohol fuelled meat-grinder, no alcohol limits, no supervision, minimal law enforcement... chaos...
PJ: me
DM: Drunken Moron
Like every night during spring break the nightclub is packed, dance floor is full, bar is five deep and I'm working my ass off trying to interlace requests (which I'm required to play) with music that will keep the floor when I see DM staggering towards my booth, now my first thought is drunken request, not always bad but can sometimes be sucky. In this case I was caught a bit off Guard:
PJ: "Hey man, what can I do for you?"
DM: "Can I get two Heinekens?"
PJ: Ok, I'll be nice, "Sorry man this is the DJ booth, the bar is on the other side of the room (points)"
DM: "C'mon man I just need a couple beers! It doesn't have to be Heineken"
PJ: "Dude, you see all of this electronics equipment, cd players, turntables, laptops, consoles?"
DM: "Uh, yeah..."
PJ: "and you don't see any bottles or glassware right?"
DM: "Uh, yeah: confused:..."
PJ: "That's because this is the DJ booth, I don't serve drinks, I'm playing the music, the bar is over there (points again)"
DM: "Dude, can you please just give me a couple beers?"
PJ: you have GOT to be messing with me... where's the camera? "This is the -DJ-BOOTH- THERE.IS.NO.BEER.HERE you need to go to the other side of the room where the bar is!" (points more forcefully)
DM: "Bullsh!t! I see beer right there (points)"
PJ: "Yes, that's MY beer, which I paid for... and you're too male and I'm too married for us to share, the.bar.is.on.the.other.side.of.the.room (gestures vehemently in the direction of the ACTUAL bar)"
DM: "FUCK YOU MAN, I"M NOT DRUNK ENOUGH TO BE CUT OFF"
and he storms off... and I'm thinking - W.T.F. just happened? So I figure he'll either find the bar, go downstairs and complain (which the whole staff will have a good laugh about in the end) or he'll forget about it once he gets a few feet away...
No such luck...
A few minutes later I see him coming back with a friend...
DM (to friend): "This ASSHOLE won't serve me!"
DMF (a bit less drunk, but pissed off): "Hey man, why won't you serve my buddy? We paid a lot to be on this cruise!"
PJ: "First: He's not ok, he's hammered... Second: THIS IS THE DJ BOOTH, THE BAR IS OVER THERE!!!"
DMF (turns to buddy): "I don't think this is the bar dude..." and they went off in the direction I pointed...
I just had to shake my head in wonder...
This story comes from the caribbean during spring break... now for anyone who doesn't know, spring break in the Caribbean on a Cruise ship is an alcohol fuelled meat-grinder, no alcohol limits, no supervision, minimal law enforcement... chaos...
PJ: me
DM: Drunken Moron
Like every night during spring break the nightclub is packed, dance floor is full, bar is five deep and I'm working my ass off trying to interlace requests (which I'm required to play) with music that will keep the floor when I see DM staggering towards my booth, now my first thought is drunken request, not always bad but can sometimes be sucky. In this case I was caught a bit off Guard:
PJ: "Hey man, what can I do for you?"
DM: "Can I get two Heinekens?"
PJ: Ok, I'll be nice, "Sorry man this is the DJ booth, the bar is on the other side of the room (points)"
DM: "C'mon man I just need a couple beers! It doesn't have to be Heineken"
PJ: "Dude, you see all of this electronics equipment, cd players, turntables, laptops, consoles?"
DM: "Uh, yeah..."
PJ: "and you don't see any bottles or glassware right?"
DM: "Uh, yeah: confused:..."
PJ: "That's because this is the DJ booth, I don't serve drinks, I'm playing the music, the bar is over there (points again)"
DM: "Dude, can you please just give me a couple beers?"
PJ: you have GOT to be messing with me... where's the camera? "This is the -DJ-BOOTH- THERE.IS.NO.BEER.HERE you need to go to the other side of the room where the bar is!" (points more forcefully)
DM: "Bullsh!t! I see beer right there (points)"
PJ: "Yes, that's MY beer, which I paid for... and you're too male and I'm too married for us to share, the.bar.is.on.the.other.side.of.the.room (gestures vehemently in the direction of the ACTUAL bar)"
DM: "FUCK YOU MAN, I"M NOT DRUNK ENOUGH TO BE CUT OFF"
and he storms off... and I'm thinking - W.T.F. just happened? So I figure he'll either find the bar, go downstairs and complain (which the whole staff will have a good laugh about in the end) or he'll forget about it once he gets a few feet away...
No such luck...
A few minutes later I see him coming back with a friend...
DM (to friend): "This ASSHOLE won't serve me!"
DMF (a bit less drunk, but pissed off): "Hey man, why won't you serve my buddy? We paid a lot to be on this cruise!"
PJ: "First: He's not ok, he's hammered... Second: THIS IS THE DJ BOOTH, THE BAR IS OVER THERE!!!"
DMF (turns to buddy): "I don't think this is the bar dude..." and they went off in the direction I pointed...
I just had to shake my head in wonder...
ah, that's better 
. After 8 years at sea I got sick of it and went back to working for a local mobile company, but ended up filling a regular pub spot for them... so I was never available for weddings.
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