Kids say the darnest things

[friendofjimmyk]

An ex-boyfriend from long ago told this story about himself:

He was five and getting ready to start school after the summer. He remembered he did NOT want to go to school. He begged and pleaded not to go. He remembered coming up with this gem,

"I don't need to go to school! I'll just sit around and think all day!"

He remembered thinking that his mom would be so proud of him for coming up with something so smart like that - he wouldn't have to go to school.

My mom tells me this story -

I guess I was HORRIBLY bad one day when my grandmother was babysitting me. My mom came to pick me up and my grandma lamented about how bad I behaved. My mom said when she asked me, "Why were you so bad for Grandma?" My reply was a sad and meek, "I guess my brains broke"

[zzapp the witch]

We bought all 3 of my kids (6, 8, 10) nerf guns for xmas. After the obvious fun of shooting mommy in the butt and boobs wore off, it moved on to the bf. My middle son points the rifle at him and says, "Hey, D! Guess what I'm aiming at!" Bf says in a dry tone, "You're aiming at my weiner." At which my son loses himself with laughter. Then my youngest pipes up, "If you were aiming at his weiner, you'd be pointing at his leg!" The bf and I, our eyes met, we grabbed each other and ran outside, laughing hysterically.

[Lace Neil Singer]

When I was a kid, I got a cap gun for Christmas.

*Pause*. This pause is here so that all the health and safety freaks can gasp in horror at the thought of cap guns in the hands of children.

Now, the very first thing I did was fire it at my little brother. XD Only after I had already done this (he wasn't hurt; nothing actually comes out of the gun, it just makes a loud noise), did I read the instructions. "Do not aim at others. Do not fire indoors." Oops.

[ta2ooed1]

I've been told the story more times than I can count of my first words.

I started speaking fairly late as a child, the running joke is that after my brother and sister my parents didn't try too hard to teach me to talk right away

so one day my mom was ironing and I was sitting under the board playing with a doll when my mother suddenly heard the rather loud exclamation "Dammit baby! Drink this chocolate milk!"

I'm so proud of myself lol

[Shironu-Akaineko]

I'm 5.
My grandpa just died.
My grandma is holding me over his coffin and whispers to me "Shhhh... Grandpa's sleeping."

Me, in all my 5 year old subtlety loudly proclaim "HE'S NOT SLEEPING, HE'S DEAD!"

My other grandma quickly carried me away.

I remember that moment clear as crystal, too!

[CaroPhoenix]

Today, when I was over at my parents' house with Child Rum, my mom asked me what we were going to do today.

Child Rum looks right at my mom and says, "We're going to Homeless Depot!"

My mom & I looked at each other like this: and then we were both:

I have no clue why she calls it the HomeLESS Depot, but that's what she calls it!

[Kristev]

Because people who think they can 'do it themselves' frequently ruin their homes rather than improve it?

[Seshat]

When I was 3 I saw my mother in the bathroom with no clothes on(I think she had gotten out of the shower or something.) I said "Mom, you've got too much seaweed."

My side of the family is rather solidly built.
My sister in law's family is very, very slender.

My niece (child of sis in law) was taking a post-swim shower with her grandmother (my mother). She looked up, indicated Mum's breasts, and came out with this gem.

"Nanny, you have big ones of those!"


She's going to hear ALLLLLL about it on her 18th birthday.

[r2cagle]

My sister was at my house, and apparently my 4 year old was being quite obnoxious. Sis asks my son, "why are you being so bossy?"

My son pointed to hubby and stated: "I'm not the boss, Daddy's the frickin' boss!"


The other day I told him to pick up and put away the toys in his room, 15 minutes later it's all quiet and I'm wondering why. What was he doing? Walk in and he's got a screwdriver, taking apart his toys.... when I asked him what on earth was he doing? He's making sure that Daddy's screwdriver works.