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  • #1

    Oatmeal brings in morons

    The coffee company I work for recently started making and serving oatmeal. I guess it's an obvious jab at Starbucks, as they have been serving oatmeal for a long time.

    Since we started serving oatmeal not even three weeks ago, I have encountered major stupidity regarding this somewhat delicious hot cereal.

    Huh...

    Three teenagers come in, obviously stoned. We get those at night a lot--they stop by for a sugary blended drink to combat their munchies.

    One guy stepped up to the counter, staring up at the oatmeal menu, his mouth hanging open.

    SC: What's that?
    Me: That's our new oatmeal.
    SC: *staring for a few more seconds* And what is that?
    Me: Uhhh....it's oatmeal, you know, the hot cereal.

    His friend behind him laughs at him. SC finally orders and leaves. Seriously, who doesn't know what oatmeal is???

    A Drink?

    This one happened yesterday. A teenage couple came in, just to ask for a spoon for their food. (The BF worked at the dry cleaners next door)

    The GF looks at the oatmeal display on the counter, then looks at me. I can already see the stupidity preparing to flow my way.

    GF: What is that?
    Me: That's our new oatmeal.
    GF: And what is it?
    Me: (seriously, another one?) You know, the hot cereal...
    GF: I know, but is it a drink?
    Me: Um, no, it's regular oatmeal.
    GF: Ohhh

    BF laughs at her and they leave. Oatmeal as a drink? Maybe if you were 80 years old and toothless, although your elderly bowels would be susceptible to diverticulitis from the small oat bits. Sigh.

    But WHY?

    This one happened tonight. I've had two morons two days in a row! Ugh!

    Somewhat hickish looking guy walks up to the counter. He's one of your typical "I'm funny as hell, so I'm going to mess with you to prove it, then laugh at myself" assholes. I really hate those.

    SC: (points to oatmeal on the counter) What's that?
    Me: It's oatmeal.
    SC: But what's it for??
    Me: It's to eat, you know, as a snack?
    SC: Oh.


    My irritation is beyond comprehension. I can't stand the idiocy that seems to run rampant with this GD oatmeal. The next stupid question I get about it, I think I'm likely to scream and throw the whole jar of oatmeal at the SC.
    Here's your sign...
    Tags: None
  • #2
    My store's oatmeal idiocies vary, but a new one came to light only this last week.

    She came in with a WIC form (those forms in my and a few other states which are issued to assist Women, Infants and Children with certain necessary grocery purchases) which had oatmeal listed as an item, as one of three choices for that item. (The other two are tortillas and (I think) rice.)

    She actually tried to get the infant oatmeal cereal box.

    Now, if you know WICs, you know they are the strictest thing this side of mustachioed fascists, and if it's not on the list, it's not accepted, and the SC has to suck it and get the right item.

    Now, here's the problem-- infant cereal IS accepted, and oatmeal IS one of the flavors accepted for that cereal. But, the listed item was one-of-three-possibilities, and as such was just mentioned as oatmeal. The infant cereal item on WIC forms will say "INFANT CEREAL 24 OZ." and not "Pick a grub, any grub" as mentioned before.

    Also, the official WIC list has a seperate entry for oatmeal, and just mentions "traditional or quick-cook". Nothing about infants in that entry.

    This, of course, was an impasse to the SC ("But it's OATMEAL!") that necessitated a call to management, who finally said "NO." Infant oatmeal is infant cereal first and oatmeal second-- probably won't contain enough oatmeal to count as WIC-approved regular oatmeal. Just like WIC-approved juice has to be 100% juice.

    And there was yet another oatmeal-WIC-idiot fiasco the next day, but the SC was just being the usual neighborhood non-English speaker who didn't get that what she was buying wasn't oatmeal even though it had "MEAL" in the name and contained oats. Probably.
    Why do they make Superglue but not Batglue?

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    • #3
      Actually, there is a traditional scottish concoction made of oatmeal that's drinkable*. I saw the recipe in a book many moons ago. I don't have said book any more, but that part of it stuck in my head.

      (*For varying cultural conceptions of drinkable)
      The Case of the Missing Mandrake; A Jude Derry, Sorceress Sleuth Mystery Available on Amazon.

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      • #4
        Quoth EmilyRose1982 View Post
        His friend behind him laughs at him. SC finally orders and leaves. Seriously, who doesn't know what oatmeal is???
        An excellent substitute for wallpaper paste?
        I am not an a**hole. I am a hemorrhoid. I irritate a**holes!
        Procrastination: Forward planning to insure there is something to do tomorrow.
        Derails threads faster than a pocket nuke.

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        • #5
          The thing that I have found the strangest (not the suckiest) about the oatmeal is people's reactions to it. Now, I love it. I'm eating it all the time instead of grabbing a bagel from the bagel place before work or ordering JJs. It is truly the best oatmeal I've ever had, though I admit to not having been a connisuer of oatmeal in the past. However...

          What is UP with everyone I've served it to looking at me with wide-eyed wonder and proclaiming that it is the most amazing oatmeal (or sometimes food item in general) that they've ever put in their mouth?

          Apparently it's not just hot cereal, it's an Experience.

          And yes, I have had all of those. Is it an oatmeal flavored drink? But...what IS it? Why do you have it?

          BTW: 7 grain with cranberries, almonds and brown sugar crumble ftw!
          My webcomic is called Sidekick Girl. Val's job is kinda like retail, except instead of corporate's dumb policies, it's the Hero Agency, and the SC's are trying to take over the world.

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          • #6
            Quoth CoffeeMonkey View Post
            BTW: 7 grain with cranberries, almonds and brown sugar crumble ftw!
            Yummmm. I hearby request a PM, with details on where I can get some of this oatmeal-y goodness!

            I promise not to get all slack-jawed and crazy over it.
            "So, if you wanna put places like that outta business, just stop being so rock-chewingly stupid." ~ Raudf, 9/19/13

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            • #7
              although it's not as cheap as making my own... personally i rather like your starbucks oatmeal.
              i tried it once with nuts and it was very tasty.

              =)

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              • #8
                Quoth Stormraven View Post
                Actually, there is a traditional scottish concoction made of oatmeal that's drinkable*. I saw the recipe in a book many moons ago. I don't have said book any more, but that part of it stuck in my head.

                (*For varying cultural conceptions of drinkable)
                Er, Gruel by any chance?
                I am the nocturnal echo-locating flying mammal man.

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                • #9
                  I work at Caribou Coffee. We just started oatmeal on Jan. 11th.

                  CoffeeMonkey, do you work at the Bou too? I ask because the recipe you listed consists of ingredients we have, although I don't know what Starbucks has...

                  I liked the oatmeal at first, but then I got ill one night, and that's what I saw my body spewing out of itself, so I don't eat it anymore! (I know, TMI)
                  Here's your sign...

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                  • #10
                    Quoth RayvenQ View Post
                    Er, Gruel by any chance?
                    Nope. Gruel's thin, but this is kind of a milk/oatmeal concoction. I really don't remember much more than that. I don't even recall the book well enough to look for it anywhere. I just remember that, because it stuck in my mind.
                    The Case of the Missing Mandrake; A Jude Derry, Sorceress Sleuth Mystery Available on Amazon.

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                    • #11
                      Quoth Stormraven View Post
                      Actually, there is a traditional scottish concoction made of oatmeal that's drinkable*. I saw the recipe in a book many moons ago. I don't have said book any more, but that part of it stuck in my head.

                      (*For varying cultural conceptions of drinkable)
                      In Colombia, they have that. You cook the oatmeal with milk and a stick on cinnamin, then when it's done you take out the stick and put the oatmeal in the blender. And you drink it. This drink is called "Avena", which is also the name of oatmeal.
                      Time! Time! Time is what turns kittens into cats.

                      Don't teach me a lesson; all I learn is that you are an asshole.

                      I wish porn had subtitles.

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                      • #12
                        Quoth EmilyRose1982 View Post
                        CoffeeMonkey, do you work at the Bou too? I ask because the recipe you listed consists of ingredients we have, although I don't know what Starbucks has...
                        I am indeed a part of the Bou Crew.

                        I heart your posts, because your SCs are like MY SCs...I feel your pain. Except for the drive thru bits, cuz we don't have one of those.
                        My webcomic is called Sidekick Girl. Val's job is kinda like retail, except instead of corporate's dumb policies, it's the Hero Agency, and the SC's are trying to take over the world.

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                        • #13
                          Quoth depechemodefan View Post
                          In Colombia, they have that. You cook the oatmeal with milk and a stick on cinnamin, then when it's done you take out the stick and put the oatmeal in the blender. And you drink it. This drink is called "Avena", which is also the name of oatmeal.
                          They have it in Venezuela too. Oh my gosh, so good.
                          "Things that fail to kill me make me level up." ~ NateWantsToBattle, Training Hard (Counting Stars parody)

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                          • #14
                            O...o...oatmeal? Real oatmeal? You serve it? For true?

                            By the gods, I thought its existence to be mere legend! This is INCREDIBLE! But, you must forgive me; due to my erroneous belief that this substance did not, could not exist, I confess I've no idea what to do with it. Would you be able to assist me, friendly barista? Please, alleviate my ignorance, that I might properly enjoy this wonder! I long to bathe in its deliciousness (the stories tell of washing oneself with oatmeal... Are they to be believed?).

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                            • #15
                              Quoth Stormraven View Post
                              Actually, there is a traditional scottish concoction made of oatmeal that's drinkable*. I saw the recipe in a book many moons ago. I don't have said book any more, but that part of it stuck in my head.

                              (*For varying cultural conceptions of drinkable)
                              Atholl Brose. http://www.electricscotland.com/food/recipes/atholl.htm

                              Hmm. Burns Night is coming up. Think I might have a go at making some.
                              It's floating wicker propelled by fire!

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