Goldilocks and the Three Plates

[Eireann]

If I'd been in there when she went off about women not being able to eat off large plates, after ordering one of the largest meals on the menu, I might just have put my face right on down in my own plate and started eating that way.

[CaroPhoenix]

I'm guessing the kid is adopted because for some reason I'm picturing her with a man, saying, "I want sex but without the dick!"

Okay, now I have orange juice dripping from my laptop's screen. Thank you Sheldon!

[Flying Grype]

If I'd been in there when she went off about women not being able to eat off large plates, after ordering one of the largest meals on the menu, I might just have put my face right on down in my own plate and started eating that way.

I would have told her that her bitching and whining wasn't very ladylike. Might have made her brain short-circuit.

[rageaholic]

These stories are from a couple of days ago, and all I can say is that I have been well and truely reminded why I hated the bar so much. Ugh.

You are paying extra for NOTHING

Lady walks up to the bar and starts to order food.

SC: Can I have a beef burger...and can I add bacon and cheese?
Me: Sure thing.
SC: But I don't want bacon and cheese...
Me: OK...so just a normal beef burger?
SC: No. A beef burger with bacon and cheese but with no bacon and cheese.
Me: Riiiight...
SC: Another beef burger with bacon and cheese...but with no bacon.
Me: Right, so just a regular cheese burger?
SC: No! You are not listening! A beef burger with bacon and cheese but with no bacon!
Me: OK then. So I've got a beef burger with bacon and cheese but with no bacon and cheese, and then a beef burger with bacon and cheese but with no bacon.
SC: Correct.

I rang it through. She paid £2.50 extra for food she didn't want...

There are no words, but at least she paid some for her stupidity. EPIC FAIL

[Broomjockey]

I'm picturing her with a man, saying, "I want sex but without the dick!"

Since she is the dick, that'd be even more difficult.

[Becks]

Unattended food

Customer ordered fish and chips. He ate three quarters of the meal, put on his hat and coat, and then he left the pub. I cleared away the leftovers.

Half an hour later, he returned.

SC: Where's my food gone?!?!
Me: Oh, you left, I assumed you were finished.
SC: I was going to the shops! I was going to return!
Me: Did you tell anyone you were coming back?
SC: Why should I have to? I didn't think you would STEEEEEEEEEAAALLL my food!
Me: I'm sorry sir...
SC: Fuck you!

He stormed out.

Did he pay for his meal?

[customersruinmylife]

Did he pay for his meal?

Yeah, it was all paid for. He left the pub for half an hour, came back and still expected it to be there.

[Supermarket Slave Girl]

My god your customers are unfuckingbelievable.

My supervisor is taking a job at the local club as a cook, I think i'll show him this post.

[Estil]

I actually once at a previous job had a customer order, and I quote:

"A cheeseburger with no cheese"

No joke!

[dalesys]

"A cheeseburger with no cheese"

A homeopathic cheeseburger ... for when just the thought is enough! (cheese, that is)

[Jester]

Since she is the dick, that'd be even more difficult.

Gives a lot more meaning to the phrase "Go fuck yourself!"

I actually once at a previous job had a customer order, and I quote:

"A cheeseburger with no cheese"

I have seen servers order this at places I have worked. One memorable one did this, and when I asked why (I was on the line that day), he said, "There's no hamburger button." And then I showed him the hamburger button. Which was....wait for it.....right next to the cheeseburger button!

Same mental giant once rang in a whole check for table 39. The restaurant in question did not have any table 39. A fact we pointed out to him for weeks afterwards, in every kind of mockery possible. "Hey, anyone seen my keys?" "They're probably at table 39." Etc., etc., etfuckingcetera.

[Chromatix]

I'm guessing the kid is adopted because for some reason I'm picturing her with a man, saying, "I want sex but without the dick!"

May I humbly recommend sapphicerotica.com [NSFW] for examples of how to achieve this?

Of course, that doesn't invalidate the charge of the kid being adopted...

[Erin]

When I worked for McD's, I had people come thru the drive thru wanting the cheeseburger minus the cheese.

This usually happened in the drive thru. It happened a lot more than a few times. Apparently we were a magnet for morons. They'd order the cheeseburger minus the cheese...so I'd confirm the order back to them. "That was one hamburger?" and they'd scream "cheeseburger, NO CHEESE!!!".

So, I'd enter it in as a cheeseburger, grill it back as "no cheese". If they wanted to pay the extra ten cents...well...ok then! The grill person usually had a headset on, so they'd make a big deal about it...teasingly... They'd call back really loudly "we're out of the No Cheese Cheese!" or something like that.

We also got the "cheeseburger, no cheese and no bun...plain". Apparently the person that cheeseburger was for had a gluten intolerance.

Or people would ask for cheeseburgers made with the club part of the Big Mac bun. (either allergic to sesame seeds, or they just liked the club part of the Big Mac buns, probably the latter, since the hamburger buns at McD's dont have sesame seeds)

I dont know many McD's nowadays that would do the really special orders like that anymore. I worked for McD's before they got all those annoying high powered microwaves and got lazy. You hardly ever get a bun that's toasted anymore at McD's.

[DGoddessChardonnay]

I'm guessing the kid is adopted because for some reason I'm picturing her with a man, saying, "I want sex but without the dick!"

Wouldn't that be artificial insemination?

[XCashier]

Me: OK then. So I've got a beef burger with bacon and cheese but with no bacon and cheese, and then a beef burger with bacon and cheese but with no bacon.
SC: Correct.

I rang it through. She paid £2.50 extra for food she didn't want...

Ow. That one made my brain hurt. The Stupid is strong with this one.

IIRC, there've been several similar stories on this board before, usually dumbasses ordering a "cheeseburger without the cheese", like in this cartoon. The only difference between a hamburger and the cheeseburger is the cheese. Cheeseburger - cheese = hamburger. The village idiot could grasp that concept. So why do they...urgh...why do I even bother trying to figure it out!