The line would go much faster if you...

[Luna]

A helpful list from the cashier (who DO ring register really fast) and the other customers you are p*ssing off daily:

The line would go much faster if you...

• got off the damn phone
• came to the register when I called next the FIRST time instead the 11th
• knew where your money/checkbook/debit or credit cards were BEFORE you came up to pay
• didn't throw away the price tags with barcodes to everything I need to ring up
• had your frequent shopper card ready - since you heard me ask the last 30 people in line for it
• got off your damn phone (yes this bears repeating)
• just give me the larger bill and stop digging for 87 cents in change
• decided what you wanted to buy BEFORE you waited on line and got to the checkout

Feel free to add folks...

[csdrone]

My additions:

• Have your current: that means unexpired ID when asked for ID.
• Be clear about what the hell you need. My psychic radar is not working.

[Dave1982]

•Actually READ the shelf tags before selecting an item so you understand the price and any rebates involved.

•DO NOT argue with me about rebates, prices, etc. I do not make those decisions.

•If you are confused about a price/rebate, please ask someone BEFORE coming to the register.

•PLEASE adhere to any and all QUANTITY LIMITS

[Banrion]

• Make your purchasing decisions BEFORE you get to the register. DO NOT have the cashier scan everything and then decide you only want every other item!!!!!
  

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Don't have the cashier ring up your total after every item, so you can be sure you will have enough $$$ to pay for your purchases.

I call this "playing The Price is Right", because you are trying to get closest to the total amount of money you have WITHOUT GOING OVER.

[DesignFox]

* Have EVERYTHING up on the counter where I can see it so I can scan it! If you play Hide and Seek with your merchandise, don't be pissed when I miss something and have to ring you again!

*Give me the credit card you want to pay with. Don't wait until I scan your card, hit the button and THEN tell me you wanted to pay with another credit card.

*Have all your coupons ready. Don't wait for me to take your money and hand you your receipt to tell me you have a coupon.

*Don't interrupt me when I am talking to you...if you ask me about X, Y, Z, B, D, A, and W all at the same time, instead of letting me just do my spiel and get to it all, chances are I'll forget something. Just wait and let me do my job.

*When I ask for frequent shopper info, don't let your kids echo you while you answer. I asked YOU. I want YOU to answer, clearly, quickly, and loud enough for me to hear!

*oh... and get off the damn phone!

[BusBus]

-Stop bitching about how long the wait is when you get to the till. One of the reasons the wait is so long is because you insist on keeping the cashier occupied with your useless whining and chatter. Oh, the irony.

[MadMike]

...help me bag your two-cart order when I'm stuck without a bagger.

I know it was part of my job, and the customers aren't required to do it, but it was nice when they did. And I used to get somewhat annoyed when they'd stand there and watch me slowly bag their huge order by myself, while my line would get longer and longer. Bonus points if they'd start tapping their foot and/or sighing impatiently.

[Demonoid Phenomenon]

Don't allow your kids to start punching buttons on the debit/credit keypad. As a matter-of-fact, don't let them do ANYTHING.

Don't assume your time is more valuable than anyone else's. I don't care if you're the Pope; wait your turn.

Just because you've had a bad day doesn't mean you need to spread it around.

Make sure that if you have several people with you, everyone is ready to check out. Nothing is more annoying than constantly having to add something to a sale that's already been totalled not to mention having to wait for little Johnny to make his way from the back of the store with one last item.

Check clothing sizes before you get in line. The number of folks who grab clothing off the rack and then go to check out without even glancing at the size is staggering. And bewildering.

Conversation is fine to a point, but keep it within the confines of the sale. When I hand you the bag, move on.

Dang, I could go on all day.
But I'll stop here.

[blas]

One more time: GET OFF YOUR DAMN PHONE! I don't want to hear who the hell Shaniqua is "doin" these days, and I don't wanna know who the baby's daddy might/might not be. I also don't care to hear HOW intoxicated you're going to get tonight.

Kids. Do. Not. Go. On. The. Conveyer. Belts. PERIOD.

Instead of dumping your diaper bag of a purse onto the counter and searching through everything, maybe making sure you have your ID and checkbook before you leave?

[CrazedClerk]

One more time: GET OFF YOUR DAMN PHONE! I don't want to hear who the hell Shaniqua is "doin" these days, and I don't wanna know who the baby's daddy might/might not be. I also don't care to hear HOW intoxicated you're going to get tonight.

Kids. Do. Not. Go. On. The. Conveyer. Belts. PERIOD.

Instead of dumping your diaper bag of a purse onto the counter and searching through everything, maybe making sure you have your ID and checkbook before you leave?

I have a variation on this one: DO NOT answer your phone while you're in the middle of a transaction with me. I find that to be the most irritating thing. Just see who's callin and call the back in 30 seconds, it's not hard!

[ArenaBoy]

-Quit playing games with me when it comes to money, I am not a goddamn circus performer
-Have your cash ready so my line can go quicker
-Do not say you didn't know there was a fee, there is a freaking sign that tells you the prices
-Do not argue with me about the price
-Please restrain your kids from throwing things at me, this includes toys, food, books, and ipods
-To yuppies, middle aged business men, and old men: Do not ask me for the girl that is standing next to me for her phone number, it's creepy.
-On a sidenote, do not ask if she is single
-If you have a pass, show it to me. If you want to play mind games, go to college.
-If you are on the guest list, STATE your damn name, "I'm on the guest list" is not enough for me.
-Do not say that you were here earlier, you didn't ask for a reciept, too bad. You gotta pay.
-And once again, GET OFF YOUR PHONE!!! We do not need to hear about how you plan on having sex in excruciating detail, it's sick.

[Drakstern]

Know how much money you have! If you go over how much money you have, and then bitch about how long the transaction took, it's your fault!

If you want things bagged a specific way, tell us before we start bagging, not after everything's back in the cart and I'm ready to move on to the next customer.

If you want meat and fresh veggies in the same bag, you're not allowed to complain about the meat getting juices on your veggies.(actually happened.)

And this one's just a pet peeve, not really relevant, but... If you ask for paper bags and it's raining torrentially out, I *will* ask if you're certain. You also lose the right to complain that the bags broke if you take a PAPER bag out into said rain for any period of time.

[AFpheonix]

-While you're waiting for your script, could you go please ring up your chtochkies at the front register or cosmetics? It slows me down and keeps me away from doing a lot of other things that need doing if I have to ring up a basket full o' crap.

-Yes, it's cold out, I know. However, I think you can handle keeping your window rolled down for the nanosecond it takes me to run to the bin to grab your script. Honestly. I don't like having to wait for your stupid ass to notice that I'm back at the window and have to wait until you can hear me again.

-Cell phone goes back in your purse. Kthxbye.

-Don't argue with me about wait times. I'm giving you an honest estimate based on how busy we are. The longer you argue with me, the longer it's gonna take for me to be able to get the damn thing started.

-When I'm done ringing you out, please be courteous and get your butt out of the way so I can get to the next person quickly....

[chainedbarista]

* if you send your child in to order, give them a list, rather than tell them; they'll forget, have to go back and ask MULTIPLE times before the transaction can be completed.

* if an offer has expired, DON'T ARGUE WITH ME ABOUT IT; be a decent person and accept that nothing lasts indefinitely.

* check coupon for expiration date; yes, this takes time, shuffling through that mess of a coupon book you're holding, but it'll be worth both our times, i promise, and while we're on that subject, make sure the coupon you're attempting to use is for the right item or is actually in your order. don't try to play the 'coupon shuffle' just because you're a customer-if it's the wrong one, it's the wrong one.

* offers for drinks and product coming from stores (meaning franchises) are not valid at corporate stores; no, we will not comp you for that item-you chose not to read, we choose not to comp. on the other hand, don't give franchise stores a hard time for not accepting your gift cards; they have no way of getting compensation for that purchase-the money on the card went to corporate, meaning the merchant who owns the store will be out money for that transaction.

* i don't care how far you drove or how much of a hassle it was, nobody held a gun to your head and forced you to come here, so don't complain about it when we don't have what you're after, we run out, it's a fact of life; throwing a tantrum, making threats or other actions won't make the item magically appear.

* wait times will increase when we're busy. simple arithmetic: long lines + busy store = long wait time; don't bitch, you saw the line when you drove up, complaints won't make it any shorter.

* do not allow your young children to roam/run the store while you're in line or busy chatting with a friend; this isn't a daycare and there are breakables here, as well as perishable items we don't want them handling at will. on that note, our pastries are NOT self serve; there aren't tongs or tissues present, what makes you think you can grab whatever you like? also, change your toddler's diaper; we don't want fecal contamination in our store because your child chose to smear its contents EVERYWHERE within their reach. (yes, that actually happened, to my horror)

* do not show up five or less minutes to close, grin like an idiot and loudly proclaim, 'i just barely made it, huh?' then grin like the village idiot at your cleverness. we're not impressed, just annoyed that you couldn't show up just a bit earlier, like a normal person, and don't take forever deciding-you're ordering a drink, not signing a peace treaty, keep it simple, stupid. also, don't show up before we're offically open, stare at the openers, huff and puff until they unlock the doors. the hours are clearly posted; accept it and act accordingly-don't throw a tantrum over us not being able to accomodate you simply because you have 'somewhere' to be at this hour, that's your problem, not ours.