A Few Friendly Reminders

[BrenDAnn]

Hi all! It's been a long few days. Long enough that I have just a few friendly reminders for the general public that come into the store:
1) We close at 11. I only wish we closed at 10. No, I don't appreciate you pulling up to get gas at 10:58.
2) No, you cannot have the money in my hand. It goes in my drawer. You're not funny. In other words: Hahaha--No.
3) For the love of...whatever...learn how to use the gas pumps!!! Thank you!
4) You can help yourself to the food in our warmers. No, really, you can. Yes, you have to pay.
5) The tornado sirens are going off, and you're ordering a pizza. Think about that.
6) No, we do not have Senior Citizen's discounts. Again, you aren't funny.
7) Yes, I'm aware I've been working here for entirely too long. There's really no need to remind me.
8) Your attempts at humor don't amuse me. Save yourself some time, and stop trying.
9) Tossing money at me over the lottery ticket rack will NOT earn you a happy smile at all.
10) Do you not see my hand? Then why are you dropping your money on the counter instead???
11) Our pumps don't take debit. If you have a VISA or Mastercard check card, it will take that. Don't make a catbutt face when I tell you to come inside to pay with your debit card.
12) What part of 'Out of Order' don't you get? Or did you read the big white sign on the door at all? (Note: Men's room toilet broke tonight. The amount of men not reading the sign on the door was amusing.)
13) If you drop your piece of pizza on the floor, pick the whole thing up, not just the crust. This includes the tray, too.
14) While we're at it--GET OFF THE PHONE! You wouldn't have dropped that pizza if you weren't on your phone!
15) Stop promising me a portion of the money if you just perchance happen to win the lottery. Neither of us is fooled by your lies.
16) If the shelf that one of the newspapers normally sits on is empty, chances are that newspaper is sold out. Deal with it.
17) Quick way to make me want to slam my head against the nearest solid wall: Keep me, and the line of people behind you, waiting because you have "one more coming with stuff".
18) Yes, we have an ATM. You were walking right toward it when you stopped to ask me if it existed. (Yes, this actually happened.)
19) If you get $3 worth of stuff, and hand me a $100, don't give me the catbutt face when I hand you back two $20's, and the rest of your change in $5's. It's all I have in my drawer right now, and you have nothing smaller, or so you say.
20) Last, but not least, if I ask you for your ID, it takes far less time and energy to just comply and show me your ID, than it does to whine and complain about it. Trust me. I've been doing this for eight years.
With that, I retreat to my little corner of the world, to peruse the help wanted ads and look for a light at the end of this seemingly endless tunnel. Thankfully, I have the day off tomorrow! Yay!

[Bright_Star]

21. If the maintenance person has blocked off the bathrooms for it to be cleaned then don't say you have to go NOW or it's an EMERGENCY. You have to wait cause the bathrooms MUST be cleaned. DEAL WITH IT!!

22. & while cleaning the bathrooms, the maintenance person directs you to go to the bathroom over by the tire center then don't say it's too far to go. Either wait, go there or just take a shit or piss on the floor & we'll clean it up. Either way, SHUT UP!!

23. Don't get all pissed off cause we're cleaning the bathrooms at 7 in the morning or at noon or whenever & say that they only need to be cleaned just once. IF we did that there'd be a HUGE mess. We clean them every hour. Once again, DEAL WITH IT!

24. Don't snap at me & tell me to hurry up cleaning the bathrooms cause you gotta go. The louder you bark the slower I clean...lol.

25. See that little button just below the butt pads? You do? Ok...press that if the toilet doesn't flush right away. Just don't leave it for me to find.

[fireheart]

26. If i ask you for your loyalty card, all I need is a "yes" or a "no." I do not go and tell management every single time you bitch to me about it. Seriously, BITCH TO CORPORATE! (Old store customers had it right, except the complaints they lodged were more along the lines of "I did not like his accent.")

27. Unless your card does not work on the first couple of swipes, there is no need to masturbate with your card.

[jedikuonji]

28. If your card is declined 5 times, throwing at me and yelling for it to be run again will not make it magically work. And no, I don't care how much money you have. I also don't care who you are or who you know.

29. No I won't run your other 3 cards that have all been declined 5 times each again either.

[BrenDAnn]

Let's keep this going guys. Might eventually be a sticky (I can only wish!)

30. If I tell you we're out of your kind of cigarettes, we're out. Cussing and throwing a fit is not going to make them magically appear. Deal with it.
31. Do I look like I care if you got your gas or X item cheaper elsewhere? No? That would be because I don't. Go wherever it's cheaper, instead of bitching to me!
32. If there's a line of people, we have two registers going, and I call out that I can help someone, don't just stand there with your mouth hanging open. Step up to the register!
33. Throwing your cigarette butts down by the gas pumps? You must have a death wish.
34. If you don't want your small child to wander off, then don't set him or her on the floor, then turn away. How hard is that?
35. On a related note, if your child is screaming at the top of his/her lungs, then take said child out of the store, for the sake of my and my other customer's ears.
36. Yes, the specials will ring up correctly. I promise. No need to get all jumpy about it. The computer does that for me.
37. I just counted your change back to you. Why are you counting it again? Thanks for trusting me.
38. No, we can't make pizzas magically appear in five minutes. Minimum wait time is 15 to 20. wait, or cancel your order. Your choice.
39. I'm only human. I make mistakes. I'm not sure what you are, since you apparently don't make mistakes at all, judging by your behavior.
40. If you want good customer service from me, then be nice to me. If you want to be rushed, left without conversation, and not wished a good day--Go ahead, be an arsehole.

[Rantsylvania 6-5000]

I like this thread!

41. Don't ask me if I'm pregnant, it's rude. I don't even know you. Oh, and it's none of your business.
42. Don't touch me. Again, I don't know you, and I don't appreciate being touched by strangers.
43. When you find an item without a price tag, don't say, "It must be free, hur hur hur!". You aren't the first to say that, and it wasn't funny the first time, let alone after hearing it thousands of times!

[Nashida]

Let's keep it going, folks! I like these threads.

44. If I ask you to bring your empty chlorine drums over so that I can see that they are our brand, and not the other store's, don't gripe at me. I'm not losing my job over a $5 discount you weren't meant to have with Store X's drum.
45. Please don't come up to my till the minute we open with a $0.69 pack of ear plugs and pay with a $100 bill.
46. On that note, don't gripe with me when I have to call out BossmanK to break it for me because I don't have $99.31 to give you this early. Lack of planning yada yada yada.
47. The floats have checkmarks on them that tell you what color they are. Please don't go tearing through them looking for X color when it tells you right on the box. I'm stuck marking them down later.
48. Yes, those are bars. No, we do not have any free liquor samples stashed inside. Mostly because we all know where those samples would go ( down my gullet)
49. We are a pool store. Please don't call us about servicing your boat. We can't do that.
50. We also don't sell swimwear, waterproof condoms, beach gear, waterproof lube (is that possible?), boat parts, tow lines, and anything else that deals with anything other than your pool or patio. (And I'm really not kidding about the condoms and lube....)
51. We also do not do body paint for your car. That's -similar sounding autobody shop-, not -pool store-

[BrenDAnn]

I thought of a couple more.

52. The special is buy one get one FREE. Since when do you turn down free things?
53. No, we do not sell nightcrawlers.
54. We don't sell hunting or fishing licenses either.
55. Cash back limit on checks is $10 more than the amount of purchase. Teens: Tell your mommy that next time BEFORE she cuts you a check!

[fireheart]

56. Yes I have the right to card you for cigarettes. Yes, I'm of legal age to sell them to you. (contrary to popular belief, you can be underage and sell cigarettes in my state, but it's discouraged)
57. No I do not want to date you.
58. No, I do not want to date your son.
59. Yes I'm very busty. That does not mean you can stare at my chest like a fish.
60. If you're a parent with a kid under the age of 10, if kid says "I need to go pee", THEY NEED TO PEE! (my manager had to deal with a kid who left a treasure on the floor because of that reason)
61. Yes, we do have toilets. No they are not in the freezer section. Or the confectionary aisle. Or the produce section.
62. Our system cannot take prepaid Visa/Mastercard. This applies to ALL cards, it doesn't matter if you were given one from Fujitsu (current offer is buy an aircon unit and you receive a $300 prepaid Visa card).
63. When the store closes at 5pm, we are CLOSED.
64. No, I cannot magically pull a refund out of my ass.
65. If I'm doing something on the checkouts and the closed sign is up, it is not an automatic "Yes I'm open."

[mattm04]

66. If it is not on the shelf, and I say we don't have any more, we are out. Don't go asking other people.
67. We close at 8, yes I am around to 9 PM to clean-up. That means the equipment is all off at 8. I can't make more fresh <whatever>. All that is still on is the dish machine.
68. If I say the register is closed. It is closed. I have no till, no I can't do exact change because I have not till to put it in. I can't do credit either. IT IS CLOSED! Go to a open one.
69. Yes, the sign stating a minimum of 24 working hours means jut that. Calling a hour ahead will result in me telling you no. Deal with it.
70. Listen. When you call it the voice says to press 3 for the dept you want, pressing 7 will not get you the correct dept. Don't get all pissy at me because you can not comprehend simple instructions when I say i have to transfer you.

[Rantsylvania 6-5000]

71. If you need to get my attention, a simple "excuse me" will suffice. Don't call me by my name. I don't care if it's right there on my badge, that doesn't mean you have to use it! I consider it an invasion of privacy.
72. If I'm on my break, get someone else to help you...like the 3 or 4 other employees you walked past as you were making a beeline for me.

[Jay 2K Winger]

73. Do not tease the wildlife workforce. We're not as stupid as you like to think.

[BrenDAnn]

74. Yes, you have to sign the back of your lottery tickets, just to have me check them. If you'd prefer not to, then I'll gladly put my name on the back and claim the money for you, dumbass.
75. Put things back where you got them in the cooler and/or on the shelves. It's not that hard!
76. "Can I get a discount on this slice of pizza? Someone took a bite/half of it is gone." isn't funny. I know who took the bite and/or where the "half" went.
77. Stop overfilling your fountain cups!! All it does it make a mess of pop from the fountain to my front counter and out the door! Seriously, STOP!
78. No, we do not have drink carriers. Asking very, very nicely might, however, make me feel more inclined to find a flat from the back room for you to carry your six cups of coffee/cappuccino in.

[XCashier]

22. & while cleaning the bathrooms, the maintenance person directs you to go to the bathroom over by the tire center then don't say it's too far to go. Either wait, go there or just take a shit or piss on the floor & we'll hand you the mop and make you clean it up. Either way, SHUT UP!!

Fixed that for you.

[RxBoy]

79. There are hundreds of prescription drug plans and hundreds more sub-plans among those. I cannot possibly know how much every drug sold in our pharmacy would cost under your insurance plan. You need to bring me in a prescription and I will submit it and let you know. I actually had one woman ask for a pricelist. I printed her a list of our 100 most commonly dispensed drugs and their prices only to have her ask me how much each one would cost on her insurace!

80. If your insurance is requiring prior authorization on a drug, don't get mad at me. I am not denying you, the insurance company is. If you are willing to pay for the drug, I will get it filled for you right now. If you want insurance to pay for it, you will need to wait for their decision, which could take up to ten days or more.

81. What is the big deal about giving me your first and last name and your street address? I have the information on the screen in front of me. I'm simply asking you to verify it to minimize the chance of an error and you getting the wrong prescription. Why do you act like I am going to stalk you or something?

82. Our hours of operation have not changed in several years. They are clearly posted on the front windows of the store. If you walk up to us right at closing time with three prescriptions that you want filled now, we are not going to be happy about it. There is no need to go complain to the store manager that we have a bad attitude. How would you like it if you had to stay past quitting time at your job because of someone elses lack of planning?

83. When your doctor gives you a post-dated prescription for oxycodone, don't even think about altering the date on it. I'm a trained professional and I know how to spot altered or fake prescriptions. When I call you out on it, don't deny it. I'm not stupid.

84. If your insurance says it's too soon to refill and won't allow it for a couple of more days, you will have to wait. Don't ask me to give it to you today and bill it to them in two days. This is known as fraud and I will not do it.

85. I've heard every excuse about why you need an early refill on your Vicodin, so don't even bother trying it. I've heard the story of how they were accidentally spilled into a wet sink, wet bathtub, or toilet. I've heard the story of how they were in the person's pocket when they were pushed into a swimming pool. One person's house was broken into and, incredibly, the only thing they stole was that little bottle of Vicodin on the nightstand. So just save it. I know you are lying and I am not going to break the law and fill it early for you.