A Few Friendly Reminders

[BrenDAnn]

A few from tonight:
86. Your need for things such as candy, pop, and lottery tickets do not necessitate a trip to the c-store in a freakin' SEVERE THUNDERSTORM! I swear you'll live without the stuff until the weather calms down.
87. If you make a sh*tty mess on the toilet, clean it up. I don't get paid enough to deal with your sh*t. Literally.
88. Don't walk into my store, in the middle of a torrential downpour, in a swimsuit & cover-up, and complain because you're cold. I won't feel sorry for you.
89. I don't know what the ATM charges as far as fees. Don't look at me like I'm stupid when I tell you as much.

[Bright_Star]

90. You MUST show your membership card in order to walk through the door in order to shop at Sam's Club. So don't snap at the door greeter!
91. Don't start bitching at the door greeters when it's pouring outside & wonder why the carts are wet!
92. Don't act like you're afraid to walk in the pouring rain cause you don't want to get wet. You're not gonna melt!!! Crowding around in a big rush of people trying to stay dry isn't helping anybody!
93. Don't have your kids go into the bathrooms & start messing with the soap, water & TP cause I WILL say something. & NO, glaring at me isn't going to intimidate me either.
94. There's a wet spill on the floor so I'm gonna mop it. Don't walk all over it & make a bigger mess!
95. The store closes at 8:30 SHARP! So don't come in at 5 minutes till & then get all mad cause you have to leave. Come in tomorrow at a more reasonable time!!
96. I'm wearing a blue smock that says "Sam's Club" on it. YES, I work here!! STOP ASKING!!

[Jester]

Either wait, go there or just take a shit or piss on the floor & we'll clean it up.

Don't give them any ideas! Because, judging from some stories I've read on this board, people WILL actually do this!

[Bright_Star]

Don't give them any ideas! Because, judging from some stories I've read on this board, people WILL actually do this!

I'm waiting for that to actually happen...lol.

[XCashier]

I'm waiting for that to actually happen...lol.

You don't want that to actually happen. Trust me on this. And anyone else who's had to clean up someone else's assplosion.

[Whiskey]

5) The tornado sirens are going off, and you're ordering a pizza. Think about that.

I've done this. When I lived in Kansas, I was in a suburb of Kansas City that was heavily populated and had lots of buildings. It looked all scary and boo but the tornado had zero room to spin.

12) did you read the big white sign that says Out Of Order (for everyone who isn't me)

Fixed. You were saving it just for them :3

19) If you get $3 worth of stuff, and hand me a $100, don't give me the catbutt face when I hand you back two $20's, and the rest of your change in $5's. It's all I have in my drawer right now, and you have nothing smaller, or so you say.

Reminds me of the guy who was vehement that he had NOTHING smaller than a hundred dollar bill. While holding a twenty in his hand.

20) Last, but not least, if I ask you for your ID, it takes far less time and energy to just comply and show me your ID, than it does to whine and complain about it. Trust me. I've been doing this for eight years.

You know, I dyed my hair platinum blonde. I'm 23 but I looked about 27 from a couple years working in admin. So I went full bleach and blonde. Now, apparently, I look 12. (no, I can't win, why do you ask?) So whenever I buy whiskey/beer, I already have my ID out and waiting. I get the strangest looks from cashiers and I don't understand why.

[BrenDAnn]

LOL thanks, Whiskey! Now, a few more from today.

97. When I greet you with "Hello." The correct response is not to point over my shoulder and grunt out "Ultra lights." At least use full sentences!
98. No (unfortunately) our pumps are not all pay-at-the-pump only. See the screen there, where it says Pay Outside and below that Pay Inside? Press the button that says Pay Inside.
99. Why don't you want free things all of a sudden? I don't understand. The item I'm forced by the higher-ups to push is a buy one get one FREE item. FREE. You like free, don't you??
100. (Sidenote omg 100 items!) Parents: Why can't you give Junior more than two seconds before you start screaming at him to get out of the aisle/bathroom NOWNOWNOW? It'll make everyone's lives so much easier, trust me!
101. Standing there screaming "Come on! We have to go! Hurry up! Come ON!" every five minutes obviously isn't making them move any faster. Why not try another tactic?
102. Yes, I was working last night, and came back in this morning. No, I did not (sadly) put a cot up in the back room and sleep there.
103. When I pull a lottery scratcher off, don't bitch about how it "won't be any good" because it was loose (ie not attached to the rest of the roll)! Just take it, pay me, and leave.
104. Speaking of lottery...No, it is not "okay" if your ticket isn't signed. Stop huffing and giving me the catbutt face. I have to follow the rules, and so do you, damn it!

[NodmiTheSellout]

105. Please READ the slips of paper that come out of the printer before you hand them to me claiming they're coupons. No matter how many times you repeat what you think it says, I will not be able to honor something that is not a coupon (and says so on the bottom).

[Kristev]

106: Do not walk through the water when I'm mopping something up. I didn't spill the soda/juice/syrup/water/laundry soap/detergent/cleaning chemical/urine. One of your fellow consumers did. It's just like Jaws: Stay out of the water! I won't have you tracking the mess and making it worse, or worse yet, faking a slip because you simply must get to the unhealthy food you want to buy!

107: Bathrooms are not closed for your inconvenience. They're closed because management wants the entire janitorial team to concentrate on bathrooms and absolutely nothing else. Do not run to my CSM's to appeal my refusal to let you in. They are not Judge Judy! We do have alternate bathrooms in the store - six of them. Now go! Threatening to urinate or shit where you stand is only going to win you my countermove - making you drink the disinfectant once you've achieved your sickening goal.

108: Yes, I'm in maintenance, but the name is wrong. I am only a janitor. I cannot fix anything. I wouldn't know where to begin. I don't know anything about tools, or electricity, or machines. Don't ask me!

109: Please quit bothering me while I'm working. I don't care about you. Why should I talk to you? Your comments are not friendly, they are annoying. It's not worth losing my job to hear compliments you don't mean, because I can get in trouble for talking to people instead of working.

110: Stop saying sorry when you walk through what I'm cleaning or disrupt my work or intrude on the bathrooms or let your kids run straight toward my rolling trash barrel. I don't want to hear your "Sorry." I'll just say (to myself,) "Yes, you certainly are." Nor do I want to hear your "Excuse me's." No! I'm not paid to make excuses for barbarians who think what they want is more important than taking the other path to get what they want when they want it.

111: Quit complaining because I don't want your kid playing with my cart! I'm sure you don't care, but as much as I'd love to see your kid drink the bottle of my disinfectant or my entire bucket of mop water just to teach the brat a lesson, I can't allow it because I'm not evil! Telling your kid not touch the cart is not a crime! Letting something happen to your pwecious widdle baby, whom you don't give a . . . . about until something bad happens to it, very well might be!

112: Don't bring dogs to the store. The health department would not be pleased one bit! Dogs bring germs and disease, and have no right to be anywhere near the food. I know you Idaho pretend-country boys think dogs should go with you everywhere you go, but you'd never see me bringing my cat to work, and I adore her. But she doesn't belong in my store because she's unhygenic. So are dogs. If I have to clean up puppy waste one more time, I swear I should rub the owner's face in it!

113: Wal-Mart employees are not just Wal-Mart employees. It does matter if you attempt to drive over them with your dangerous motorcars. We don't have to take you threatening to run us over because we aren't pushing the shopping trolleys out of your way fast enough. (I used to push shopping trolleys for three years for Wal-Mart before a medical condition they were . . . shall we say . . . slow, to fix forced them to reassign me to the janitorial team. And then it took them a year and a half to finally quit making the janitors go out there and do the cart pusher's job for them. It really only just stopped a couple of months ago.)

114: Do not leave your trash in the shopping trolleys. The cart pushers don't have the time to remove it. They're supposed to be working.

115: Do not take the electric trolleys and play race games with them. Do not take them if you've ridden a bicycle to get to my store for over half a mile, because you don't need it. Just because you're old doesn't mean you're entitled. To anything! Do not take the electric trolleys outside of the store. Do not take the electric trolleys into the in-house restaurant and stay there for an hour. You aren't shopping, you're dining and chatting nonsense with your friends, while people who actually do need them can't have them because of your entitlement sense. Do not threaten to run over my co-workers with the electric trolleys. Do not leave the electric trolleys outside in the parking lot. Do not leave them totally drained of power.

116: Do not put your hand on anything I have just cleaned. Do not allow your children to put their hands, or worse yet their mouths, on anything I've just cleaned, either. While it is true Idahoans remind me of nothing but a pack of monkeys with damaged intelligence, the fact is I'm working with chemicals, and those chemicals are rather dangerous. Especially if they're ingested. I don't want your kid getting sick, or worse yet dead, because you refuse to parent your offspring.

117: Do not allow your children to run free in the parking lot. I've seen a lot of kids nearly get run over because of it. In the worst example, thank goodness Grandma was there to catch the little girl in time, because Mother was too interested in using her cell phone to talk to boyfriend du jour.

118: Under no circumstances should you even consider letting your child run loose in the store, nor should you stick them in the toy department and pretend they'll stay there. You're not keeping track of your kid, and you're lucky we don't have any kidnappers or pedophiles (that we know about) wandering the store.

119: I'd like to put a permanent stop to stealing in the bathrooms. I've had quite enough of finding the incriminating evidence of stolen bads. (Nothing we sell can qualify as a good, really. Trust me on this one.)

120: If I'm cleaing something, say disinfecting the water machine, do not come up to me and demand I let you use it. Even if you asked nicely, I couldn't allow it because the disinfectant needs to dry off before you dare put your bottle to the machine. Don't run to the management team to appeal my refusal to let you expose yourself to dangerous chemicals.

121: And if I've told you you can't do something, don't wait until my back is turned and then do it anyway. Touching a cleaned but temporarily toxic surface, entering a bathroom while I'm working it, trying to take an electric trolley that's got no power left. In the case of the disinfectant, you'll literally get burned.

122: Quit asking for carry-outs, immediately. It is not the cart-pushers' faults that you didn't bother to plan your purchases ahead of time. They don't have the time to drop what they're doing, and neither do I. Certainly not just to go help you because you just have to get the newest television or some big heavy bookshelf. You were strong enough to remove it from the shelf on your own, take it to your own car. Once you pay for something, it's your property, not our problem.

[Kristev]

In response to 107: Believe me. You should see the state of the floors, and the trash more than overflows until one of us decides 'forget this' and goes to take care of it. Each of our own individual jobs we were hired to do has been grossly neglected, all to force us each to clean bathrooms we only just cleaned thirty minutes ago. If the health department walked in and saw the condition of our store, I'm sure they'd shut us down in a New York minute! We're all getting quite sick of being prevented from doing our jobs because management now only notices the bathrooms.

Well, that's not quite true. They noticed that, since we're pretty much all bathroom-oriented now by corporate fiat, the registers look even worse than ever before. So they're trying to make the cashiers clean the floor around the registers. Yeah, good luck with that.

[BrenDAnn]

Though I think Kristev may have topped the list, I have a few more form today.

123. The object of buying a lottery scratcher is to scratch the entire ticket, to see if you've won. Scratching off only the numbers at the bottom w/ the 3 digit code and handing it back to me defeats that purpose entirely.
124. There is a cigarette receptacle right...THERE! Three feet from where you threw your cigarette on the ground! Use it! (Yes I said something, but only because I knew the guy, as he was a "friend" of my dad.)
125. Reading comprehension. Learn it. Saying "These are all chicken" when only one, yes, ONE of the sandwiches is chicken, and the others say pork...Fail on your part.
126. Yes, our breaded pork is what you refer to as a tenderloin. I'm sorry the lack of the word "tenderloin" on our menu and/or menu boards confused you. Learn synonyms!
127. I was more than courteous to you. I gave you damn phenomenal customer service, if you ask me. So why did you then proceed to toss your mayonnaise, ketchup, and salt packets out your car window and onto the ground in my parking lot?? WHY?
128. Don't make me lead you to where something is, then not buy said item. It's annoying, and a waste of my time when I have customers waiting at the register.

Author's sidenote: 125, 126, and 127 were all the same people. Can I start slapping people now? Please?

[Jay 2K Winger]

Though I think Kristev may have topped the list, I have a few more form today.

123. The object of buying a lottery scratcher is to scratch the entire ticket, to see if you've won. Scratching off only the numbers at the bottom w/ the 3 digit code and handing it back to me defeats that purpose entirely.

Devil's advocate here. As someone who used to play lotto scratchers and who sees plenty come across his workstation at the wholesale club, I can say that (on Virginia's lotto scratchers) there's more to the bottom part of the ticket than just that x-digit code. There are three letters that indicate if a card is a winner or not. If the letters B, D, or Z (and I think one other letter also applies in the code) appear, it's not a winner. If the scratcher won $1, the letters O, N, E will appear. $5 = F, I, V. Other abbreviations also exist.

The regular lotto scratchers (the ones who dump like $100 on scratchers in one go) often scratch off the bottom part just to see if they've won, and then cash in if they have.

[BrenDAnn]

Good theory, Jay2k, but Iowa's scratchers haven't had those codes for a long time, just numbers. So it's just wanting to try to get money but being lazy about it, really. I could see it we DID have the codes, but I think what you said in your post is why Iowa doesn't have them anymore.

[Jay 2K Winger]

Good theory, Jay2k, but Iowa's scratchers haven't had those codes for a long time, just numbers. So it's just wanting to try to get money but being lazy about it, really. I could see it we DID have the codes, but I think what you said in your post is why Iowa doesn't have them anymore.

Ah, well, it was a good theory, anyway.

[Mr.Customer]

129: I am not psychic, and don't have my tarot cards with me, so please I need more information then a single word. Coming in to prepay when it is busy and just saying "Gas" isn't enough information. I need to know how much, what pump, etc. Same with walking up and tossing a card on the counter or a $20 bill, and you would like......???? Walking up to me and spitting out your lisence plate number is even more confusing "ehb-734" oh I am sorry, you just gibbered nonsense at me, it's tempting to rely loudly "you just sunk my battleship"

130: Pump Numbers people! they are written on the pump, on the pole above the pump, and if all else fails you could always say something like, "I am the first car in the second row to the right." Please, please don't say "I am the chronos" I don't know cars, I don't give a damn about cars either, and chances are there are 2 of these "chronos" at the pumps, or else it is obscured by the large van, truck etc making it invisible to my eyes anyways.

131: if you hand me a $100 bill late at noght to pay for your $10 gas, no I do not have change, and no I do not give change for $100 bills (at least not late at night) and no that doesn't mean you get "$10 free gas" either, I said don't give change for $100 bills, but if you haven't noticed I took the $100 bill from you before telling you this, you can pay with a $100 bill, and I thank you for your generous $90 tip, oh what's this you sudenly do have smaller change on you?

132: Your debit card is faded, it is bent, it is cracked, the strip is worn away in places and scratched, it doesn't read on our machine. DO NOT TELL ME THAT IT WORKS EVERYWHERE ELSE!!!! BULLSHIT!!! BULLSHIT!!!! I have the best reader money can buy, I clean it daily with the proper slips, if it fails in any way I have it replaced with a new machine within the day. It read hundreds of cards no problem before yours it will read 100s after wards. Stop being a stupid dumb&%^&*^ and order a new card already!!!