Condom Man

[Bianca]

I live in Las wages and have worked retail for years in casinos.
I worked at The Moronage and started on grave.
I was warned by the old cashiers that there was a guy who would call (usually every week), and ask about the price of "Magnum" condoms.
He would then become sexually suggestive to the old ladies by describing his "member" telling them he was twelve inches long and that he was in porn.
I laughed and told everyone to just give those calls to me.
I learned long ago how to deal with sicko's by working with my mom when she lived in and ran Motels and apartments.
Soooooo, the next time he called it went like this.

Me: me
Sicko: the sicko
Me"Thank you for calling ****** this is Bianca, how may I help you"?
Sicko"How much are your Magnums"?
Me " 4.95 for 3"
Sicko(Breathing heavily) " Will they fit me, I'm 12 inches hard".
Me( Yawns loudly)" I'm sorry sir I just started the graveyard shift and can't stop yawning, what did you ask"?
Sicko "Will they fit me I'm 12 inches hard"
Me " Yes sir they will more then fit your 2 inches".
Sicko (Still breathing heavily) " Ohhh uh what"?
Me "What"?
Sicko "What did you just say"?
Me " I said,oh can you hold for one second"? (lays phone down so he can hear me ring up others, picks up phone for more fun)"Ok you said you need to know if the condom you asked for fits your 2 inches"?
Sicko "****"
Me "****"
Sicko (Hangs up)
Lather rinse repeat for the next year until he finally gets a clue and it's no longer fun for him and he stops calling.
I LOVE messing with the truly stupid.

[MadMike]

Someone made a call like that where my wife used to work. She wasn't the one who took the call, but one of her coworkers did. She acted completely unphased, and told him that if he came it, they could measure it for him. Naturally, he never did.

To this day, she thinks it was one of our friends making a prank call, since this was back before the days of Caller ID.

[ralerin]

Too bad he's not Pinocchio. Then he'd have something else growing 12 inches long when he says he's in porn!

[jjllbb]

That's simply hilarious. Awesome job.

[Kristev]

Wonderful burn.

[emax4]

It's a little unsettling to see the title of the web browser "Condom Man - Customers Suck!"

[Bianca]

Lol, What can I say?
I couldn't think of calling it anything but the name I gave him.
I have talked to others who work here in the casino retail industry and all of them have dealt with this wack a doo for years.
I told them all "Don't sound shocked or bothered, just sound bored. NEVER let him think what he is doing will be fun for him".
Lessons my mother taught me after my first obscene phone call.

[teh_blumchenkinder]

Aaaand that is why I have my desktop facing a wall and another wall-- an "L," with the other leg on my right, so that if anyone's at my door, they have to walk in and crane their neck around to see anything!
... ugh. So not into what the browser's suggesting.
SHELDON! where are ye, man!?

[Sheldonrs]

Just goes to prove my theory, the smaller the penis, the bigger the dick.



There! Happy Teh?

[zombiequeen]

Wow.
I get those sickos sometimes when I go in that section by myself. However, it's where the ladies hygiene products, pregnancy tests, and pads are too, so it's a wild game with me. It really depends on how grossed out I am what I throw in their cart/basket/hands and walk off.
Sometimes I mess with them too. Especially if my hubby is just around the corner or something, that is fun.
me"So you really want to show me how much? All three inches? That's just...special." said loud enough for everyone around to hear.
*Husband comes storming over to where we are*
dude "Not three, nine" (or whatever silly number that is)
Husband always threatens violence, asks to compare (I keep a measuring tape in my purse because I do a lot of crafts), offers to show "audition tapes" on our phone (if they say yes, it's a video of our lizard eating blackberries ), or sometimes he just glares at him while holding my hand until they get the picture. It's all fun for me.
Better yet when they are standing there and offer to show you...grab the magnifying glass/tweezers out of your purse and go "sure."

[searssoulslave]

My mother had the best come back for a flasher once. She was in Chicago just got off a bad flight with and this man flashed her. She looked down and replied, "Well that's a small threat." and walked away.

[OfficeSlug]

Just goes to prove my theory, the smaller the penis, the bigger the dick.



There! Happy Teh?

Sheldon, i laugh and clap at your responses. You are classic!

[Mongo Skruddgemire]

Actually I have found that there is nothing that deflates the average prank caller than to simply answer the question at hand without any sort of surprise or emotion at all.

After a while they tend to get bored.

[Bianca]

Exactly.
I just couldn't help but throw in the 2 inch comment.
Mom taught me that one too.
Make it as uncomfortable for him as he made it for the Grannies that worked there.
Like I said before, he had been doing this for years.

[chainedbarista]

yes, sheldon is one of the site's higher points; what would we do without ye?