Wherein the Monkey Loses His S**t

[morgana]

Good monkey! Good, GOOD monkey!

I you, sir!

[ArcticChicken]

Finally, I got sick of it, and started locking the door when I started class, and refused to unlock it until the first break.

You're my favorite kind of teacher!

[PepperElf]

sometimes you gotta do that.

i got scolded a week or two ago for being late. so i've made a point of trying to be on time

[LingualMonkey]

I don't suppose the two Chatty Cathy's every apologized for causing a problem?

Evidently, after I left the room, they complained that they were the ones who got yelled at. "Cause, y'know, I singled them out not because they were talking, but because I'm rilly rilly meeeeeen!

[chainedbarista]

oh noes, not a meeen monkey; those poor traumatized princesses, just you wait until daddy hears about this.

meh, blow it out your orifice of choice, dumbasses; you're there to learn, not socialize, so if socializing is your major, you're in the wrong place.

[Miss Fatale]

I told them (the class as a whole, college freshmen) to shut up once. I don't remember what was going on, but I just couldn't take it. I immediately apologized and luckily everything was fine. And it was a good lesson for me in keeping my cool -- I felt terrible about it for a long time.

I passed notes as a student, to the person sitting next to me. Why disrupt the class for everyone else? Sheesh.

[Kereminde]

Now, as a student in high school, I drove my teachers crazy. I would read a book, or be writing things for other classes in notebooks when they were doing their lecture. Then they would call on me for an answer to a problem, or to ask what they'd just said. I'd look up and tell them, respectfully, and go back to reading/writing.

And no, I was almost always correct. They just thought I was easy prey to make a point about disruptions in the classroom. I made a counterpoint about how it paid to read the book ("RTFM"?) ahead of their classes.

Granted, this did not help me once I hit college, and my study habits were so atrophied due to it I couldn't make it past Year Three. Such is life.

[42_42_42]

If any of the students had pulled that crap when I was in uni, the other students would've made them shut up long before the professor ever had to step in. I honestly can't remember any extraneous convo's going on during my four years.

Kids today, however, something is broken inside the brains of a lot of them, I am convinced. After having taught 7th grade and substitute taught K-5, I have come to the conclusion that the vast majority of children today have absolutely NO brain-to-mouth filter. Every single thought they have is spoken aloud. It's like they don't have the physical ability to not speak and as a result are constantly spewing stream-of-conciousness randomness.

It's like being in a classroom of psychotic hobos, with 2/3 of the students talking aloud to themselves, only instead of warnings of the zombie apocolypse and "who took my shopping cart", it's "I like Hannah Montana...I am wearing a pink sweater...2+6=9, wait no, 8...I had blueberry Pop-Tarts for breakfast...I like blueberries...blueberries stain my teeth purple...I like purple....I wish I had a purple sweater like the one Hannah Montanna was wearing...I like Hannah Montana..." Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

[trailerparkmedic]

I passed notes as a student, to the person sitting next to me. Why disrupt the class for everyone else? Sheesh.

Seriously--haven't these people ever heard of Facebook chat? Most people in my class use laptops to take notes, so the typing isn't even that distracting.

[chainedbarista]

sadly, most people in some of my larger classes use facebook...during class and then have to ask questions because of the information they missed due to their surfing.

[Jester]

Monkey, nicely done. Nicely done indeed.

Evidently, after I left the room, they complained that they were the ones who got yelled at. "Cause, y'know, I singled them out not because they were talking, but because I'm rilly rilly meeeeeen!

Two words: Fuck 'em!

I always hated that in college when a professor would be forced to resort to that.

I always loved it, because it was never ME they were targeting.

Well, almost never. My Studio Broadcasting Techniques prof would probably have a few things to say about THAT. But then, it was a small class (12 people, I think, or around that), and we were a very social and casual group. How social? We all called our prof by her first name. (I wonder what Jamie is up to these days?)

I have STS problems.

What are STS problems?

You'd think once you hit college, the need to be an annoyance would have ceased, but maybe they missed the memo about being mature.

I thought that when I went to college, I'd actually get to be in classes with mature people. Nope. Then I thought that when I got to my upper level classes, those people would be weeded out. Nope.

by his age you'd figure he would know better, but clearly he doesn't.

Common mistake, folks....thinking that age equals maturity.

It doesn't.

It never has, and it never will.

There are mature polite 13 year olds, and there are immature juvenile idiotic 45 year olds.

Welcome to Earth.

When I was a substitute teacher, I actually had this happen in middle school. I stopped everything and just stared at the two little girls talking. In about thirty seconds, the whole class was staring and they kind of ground to a halt realizing they were now the center of attention.

I actually did something like this once.

"But Jester, you've never been a teacher."

No. No I haven't. Except for ONE DAY....

1995. For whatever reasons I'm visiting my first (of three) high schools. I'm 25, with long hair pulled back into a pony tail, and I'm wearing jeans, sneakers, and a concert shirt. I've always looked younger than I am, and at one point that day actually had a teacher ask for my hall pass! ("Just visiting, sir.")

Found out where my old English Teacher was for 2nd period, and showed up early and had a seat in her classroom. Two girls walk in, stop, and ask, "Is Mrs. Teacher not here? Are you a substitute?" For those who are wondering if I looked like I might be a substitute teacher, I direct you to the above paragraph which describes how I in no way looked like a substitute teacher age-wise OR clothing-wise. Obviously these were not the two brightest of Mrs. Teacher's students. In any case, shortly thereafter Mrs. Teacher shows up, sees me, and greets me warmly. Says she has a busy day, but invites me to join her later for lunch.

Which I do. In the teacher's lounge. And get to listen to many of my old teachers say a lot of shit I never expected to hear them say. It was rather enlightening.

At which point I relate my earlier experience with her students to Mrs. Teacher. She gets a laugh out of it, and then a light bulb goes off. "How would you like to teach my 7th period? They're a bit of trouble makers...kind of like you were." Sure. Why the hell not! I find out when and where, and decide to have FUN with this.

The time comes, and I am in the appropriate classroom, at the teacher's desk, as the students start filing in. I am still in my rock and roll outfit, still sporting a pony tail, and still not looking my 25 years. No matter. I am now the teacher. Muahaha.

So the kids all file in and talk. And keep chattering. And I just stare at them, without saying a word. Slowly (but surely), it starts to quiet down. As the chatter gets quieter, I continue to stare at them, and say simply and quietly, "I'll wait."

Silence.

I have their full attention.

(Holy shit, that worked! )

Me: "Are you done?"
Them: silently nodding
Me: "Alright then. Apparently Mrs. Teacher was called away suddenly and unexpectedly, and they've called me to fill in. My name is [Jester Dude]. Can anyone tell me where we are?"
As a student starts to tell me what the current lesson is, a second student blurts out, "Wait. YOU'RE [Jester Dude]? The same one Mrs. Teacher's told us about?"
(What the fuck? It's been ten years since I've had her class, and she's telling her CURRENT students about me?!?!?!)
Me (smiling): "I was a student of hers, yes. Why....what did she tell you about me?"
Second Student relates the tale Mrs. Teacher had told, which involved my failings and how I had rebounded from them. (To relate them here would sound boastful, and is not the point of the story.)
Me: "Yep, that's me. Now, back to the lesson....where are you?"
First Student: "We're reading Ethan Frome."
(NOTE: This was a book that followed me through 2 of my 3 high schools, which I utterly despised.)
Me: "And where in it are you?"
First Student tells me where they are.
At which point Loud Obnoxious Student yells out, "Man, this book sucks."
I turn to LOS and just look at him.
Silence.
Me: "I was never all that fond of the book myself. But why don't you tell me WHY you don't like it."
At which point LOS and the other students actually started to THINK. And we started to have a good discussion about the problems with the book. Remember, these were Mrs. Teacher's troublemakers. And here I am, with no teaching education, certificate, or experience, and I've gotten these kids to actually freakin' think. They think the book sucks? Great. Why does it suck. And they tell me, and their answers are coherent, cogent, and valid.

And right as things are going great, in walks Mrs. Teacher. I was almost annoyed at her, as I was on a roll....but I did enjoy her semi-surprise that I had such control over the class. (And upon later reflection, I was rather proud of my handling of the whole thing.)

Moral: psychology works. Usually more than yelling. All I did was stare at the kids without saying a word, I never raised my voice....and I took complete control of the situation.

Things like this are why I've been able to scare the shit out of various boys who dated my teenage nieces without once ever raising my voice to them.

A focused stare is far more powerful than any yelling, ranting, or raving.

[aurelemsrealm]

As a student, I don't understand why some students bother going to classes. Most of them are texting on their phones, whispering to each other, doodling in their notebooks, or surfing the net on their laptops. I have my own problems with concentration and focus, but I at least make an effort to pay attention. I write down as much as I can of what the professor says, and use a voice recorder as backup to catch anything I miss when possible.

The closest I've been to teaching was work-study for two years as a tour guide at the Natural History Museum and Fossil Site operated by the University. Most of my tour groups were conducted on a walk-in basis, but I did lead quite a few school groups. The school groups had a classroom component as well as the standard tour of the museum and fossil site. I could usually keep the students in line, but there were a few times I had to threaten to end the tour immediately to get their attention.

One of my favorite tactics was to call on the chronic talkers to answer my questions. That usually shut them up. Another of my favorite tactics was to stop talking when someone was talking or texting on a cell phone, and give them the silent stare until they put the phone away or left the group.

[shadowpanda]

When at Uni, I was fully aware I was paying a large amount of money to be there. However, I would be one of the ones doodling, as I need to keep my hands busy when I'm listening to things. When I would text, I would do it discreetly.
I made my own choices about my education, if I chose to go and not listen, it was my problem. I never just sat and talked to other students though. That's when it became someone elses problem and that wasn't fair

[AccountingDrone]

I had one polisci class [this was in 1981 so there were still some hippy era leftovers in class] that was on the small side, as I remember 15 or so people. A pretty typical mix for Rochester, probably 5 of us were black or hispanic. Generally we were all pretty polite, for a 100 level class that is pretty amazing but the prof we had was well in control normally.

*Once* he turfed out one seriously disruptive guy. Unfortunately, the guy literally hit every single stereotype
Black, wore dashikis to class, afro, afro pick stuck in the side of his fro. If you wanted to look up Black Power Protester, 1972 in a dictionary, his picture would be the illustration. No matter what we were trying to discuss, he kept trying to force the discussion to how the white man oppresses the black man and there is a government conspiracy forcing all the blacks to <whatever his freaking rant of the moment involved>

We politely put up with this walking stereotype for a week until he and Doc F got into a heated argument over his refusal to stay on track with the class as we literally were not doing internal american politics at all [we were working on foreign policy of OPEC countries towards the US, and absolutely nothing about racial tensions or interactions at all.] He finally had security come and remove him, and he booted him from class. The rest of the class ran smoothly. We had a 2 week session in Washington where we had conferences with 5 or 6 members of OPEC at the various embassies, and a conference at the state department and one at the CIA. Could you imagine what it would have been like with that idiot along?

[PepperElf]

use to have to glare at the girls who sat behind me in calc. they were chatty.
dunno if they were discussing math or whatever ... it annoyed me.

ended up having to sit elsewhere in the classroom to escape them

seriously. calc wasn't easy for me. it was the first math i'd had in 15 years.

Could you imagine what it would have been like with that idiot along?

put him in a room with the walking rage bomb from my web design class.
they'll either get along like peas in a pod with their constant side-trips into personal political thoughts. or they'll kill each other with their craziness.
either way it should be an interesting trainwreck to watch