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Are you there beer? It's me, Irv

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  • Are you there beer? It's me, Irv

    Just...how sucky can five hours and 45 minutes be?

    Came into work at 7 and the suck started, say, 8:15. Somebody paged me over to furniture to help a customer decide if one of our sofa beds, the largest one we carry, natch, would fit in her minivan.

    I told her it would probably be too wide. "Oh, I'm not concerned about width," and off she goes to buy a bungee cord to tie down the van hatch.

    I get called to do the carryout, I get the sofa bed out there and hell's bells, it's too wide to fit in the back. Don't you wish you listened to me? I sure do.

    Coming back inside to have the customer fill out a holding form and the phone at the service desk rings for about the 16,834th time since we opened. Some lady was calling to find out if we had a certain camera in stock, and nobody was answering. So she kept hanging up and calling back. There was nobody in electronics available to help her, the one salesfloor person was on a different call with someone who turned out to be a needy pain in the ass, even the two stock people were taking outside calls. So I had to run back and check for the lady, 30 minutes after her first call to the store.

    If we ignore the customer, maybe they'll go away. Seriously, management needs to pull their heads out of their asses and start scheduling somebody for electronics at 8 am every day.

    Then, later on, continuing to count furniture in the backroom...doo do do...shit, somebody's mashed the call button in electronics and I'm being paged over there again! A woman wanted an MP3 player which we did not have in stock, but she checked the online store and it said we did. So I had to send her up to the service desk for a raincheck.

    Still later, I made the mistake of passing electronics again, and got dragged over to the TVs by some woman wanting to know the difference between four different 40-inch flatscreen TVs other than price. So naturally I start to talk up the most expensive one, and get cut off. "Oh no, you're just saying that to get me to buy the most expensive one!"

    Wow, really? You're a bright one. Why would I sell you a $750 TV when I can sell you a $600 TV instead?

    I offer to call over the person working in electronics, who has a more finely-honed wealth of product knowledge, and she refuses. "I waited long enough for somebody to come over, you're not going to hand me off to somebody else." Okay, fine. Then you get to listen to my spiel for the most expensive TV, capeche? By the way, you smell like old people. Go smell like old people someplace else.

    And still later, I answer the call box for seasonal, and deal with a brood of cackling old hens wanting to know why one of our Christmas light has bulbs in six colors (red, green, blue, amber, white and purple) pictured on the label, but the sets of lights themselves do not have the purple bulbs. I try to explain to them that perhaps the manufacturer made a mistake with a picture. So naturally they make me open up every single set of those lights until they can find one with purple bulbs. Incredibly, this proves unsuccessful.

    Why, oh why must people obsess over such stupid shit at the holidays? Just kick back, bake some cookies, have some eggnog. Preferably spiked heavily with Xanax.

    And five minutes before I leave for the day, I'm paged again. Oh please, let it be a bullet with my name on it. Instead, it's the floor person asking me to fill some stuff she'd pulled, but she got called up to the registers for backup cashiering and wasn't sure she'd get to it before she had to leave.

    Never anything I want. Shit.

    In two days it's going to be the first Wednesday of the month and I'm going to be working all day. Please burn something in effigy for me.
    Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

    "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

  • #2
    By the way, you smell like old people. Go smell like old people someplace else.-I know you had a rough day, but this made me giggle.
    You can't take the sky from me...

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    • #3
      Ok, I logged in for this one, but I had to give you lots of these:

      And these:
      "Good morning, and in case I don't see ya, good afternoon, good evening, and good night!" - The Truman Show

      Comment


      • #4
        Just...how sucky can five hours and 45 minutes be?
        irv, irv, irv, you should know better than that; when at work, impossibly sucky.

        here's the mac and cheese, courtesy of chain's mac n cheez haus.
        look! it's ghengis khan!
        Sorry, but while I can do many things, extracting heads from anuses isn't one of them. (so sayeth the irv)

        Comment


        • #5
          Quoth Irving Patrick Freleigh View Post
          In two days it's going to be the first Wednesday of the month and I'm going to be working all day.
          Senior Wednesday, before Christmas...
          Oh, the Humanity!


          I'm not sure I have enough beer. I only have a couple of cases. Just thinking about it makes me want to down a couple.

          Have you made out your will? Left notice for your next of kin? Do you want us to send flowers or make a donation to your favorite charity?

          There is another option... Do you know anyone who has the flu?
          Life is too short to not eat popcorn.
          Save the Ales!
          Toys for Tots at Rooster's Cafe

          Comment


          • #6
            Quoth mlmama View Post
            By the way, you smell like old people. Go smell like old people someplace else.-I know you had a rough day, but this made me giggle.
            The whole post made me giggle because Irv has a gift with the written language.
            "Is it hot in here to you? It's very warm, isn't it?"--Nero, probably

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            • #7
              And of course it's all your fault that the lights on the packaging don't match the actual lights themselves. I'm sending a stripper your way.
              To right the countless wrongs of our days... We shine this light of true redemption, that this place may become as paradise...Oh, what a wonderful world such would be...

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              • #8
                Quoth csquared View Post
                There is another option... Do you know anyone who has the flu?
                or some random lab rat a few hours away that has access to all sorts of pathogens....
                Honestly.... the image of that in my head made me go "AWESOME!"..... and then I remembered I am terribly strange.-Red dazes

                Comment


                • #9
                  Quoth Food Lady View Post
                  The whole post made me giggle because Irv has a gift with the written language.
                  They say the exercise of an extraordinary gift is one of the most supreme pleasures in life.

                  With all my gifts, my life is one big kitchen-table orgasm.
                  Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

                  "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Quoth csquared View Post
                    There is another option... Do you know anyone who has the flu?
                    I has pneumonia...

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Quoth csquared View Post
                      There is another option... Do you know anyone who has the flu?
                      I can send you one of the little precious children who coughed all over three tables of people and two servers?

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Your hearts are all in the right place, but I really don't want to deal with the flu again.
                        Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

                        "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Irv you really need to get published. Your descriptions of stupidity and suckiness and how you feel about both are witty, pointed and factual.
                          "If we refund your money, give you a free replacement and shoot the manager, then will you be happy?" - sign seen in a restaurant

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            I can make you some Kahlua and milk, I just bought the Kahlua today and have a nice, big glass of it with milk. *offers*
                            Eh, one day I'll have something useful here. Until then, have a cookie or two.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              I'm fairly lactose intolerant. You don't wanna be in the same room with me after I've consumed mass amounts of milk.

                              As for being published...that will have to wait until I've left this shit prison I call "my current job." But the stories I could tell....
                              Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

                              "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

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