Religious SC Behavior thread (Three part)

[Mixed Bag]

Thanks! That atheist cartoon was the biggest sudden laugh I've had on the new site. (The biggest gradual one was also religious, from Morons in Management > Who's the worst manager you ever had?, page 2):

"Towards the end of his time at our store he started ordering dozens of copies of the Satanic Bible, facing them out at kid's eye level on the main floor with 'Staff Pick' and 'For Someone Special' cards stuck in them. When we clerks pointed out that our store customers were mainly middle class commuters and soccer moms with older children, he got mad and ordered more copies. He also started ordering some rather esoteric tarot decks, just so he could play with them without having to pay for them."


I like the suggestion of a site where the devout complain about heathens--always curious if the other side of an issue has something interesting.


The one about the laughing Mormons reminds me of a pleasant young Christian couple whose license plate read "IV GOT JC". I wonder how many people read the first word as a Roman numeral?

[symposes]

I wonder if they bought all those harry potter books that they burned.
that must have been a couple thousand dollars worth of books...
Can we say Best seller because of all the copies bought for a book burning?

hehehe

[Mongo Skruddgemire]

...and ended up with 5 of them following me down the street preaching loudly.

I finally had to threaten to call the cops if they didn't back off. It was only then that they left me alone though they yelled it at me as I walked away.

Read about a person in Texas who was being molested by some religious types when it was found out that she was a Wiccan. They followed her home and started protesting outside of her house. She came back outside with a blanket and several boxes of various sizes.

She sat down on the blanket and started cleaning her gun collection in plain sight of the protesters. The more guns she pulled out, the fewer protesters there were. The last one left when she pulled out the Remington 870 Magnum 12-gauge.

Wonder why they left.

Mongo

[amarisse]

working in the guest services dept i get not only returns but anything relation based. Yesterday we had a woman go thru the store and leave pamphlets for her relgion on all the regsiters. she then came to where i was at handed me a bible and told me that i needed more then just a pamphlet to save myself.

It was quite eerie. But i had recongized her as being there many times. She must have seen me in my winter wear when i'm wearing arm warmers and umbrella corp arm bands and spike necklaces and my pentagram necklace.

I musta left a lasting impression on her

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Heh. My dad used to clean his guns in front of my boyfriends when they came to pick me up for dates.

[TYFSOK]

I live in Japan, and even here the JWs have found me...

When I was an Assistant Language Teacher for the JET Programme, living in Kagoshima prefecture, they found me because a previous ALT decided to give the local JWs the directory for all JETs in Kagoshima...so they had all our addresses. I politely, repeatedly turned them away from my door. They stopped coming round when they started finding ripped up copies of the (English edition) Watchtower all around my front door.

Then, they decided to ambush me on my way home from work...and I started shouting at them in a mix of bad Japanese and vulgar English. That finally worked.

Now, sadly, one of my co-workers is a JW...and although Witnesses aren't allowed to actually Witness at work, I do believe that it was her fault that they've started coming to my door again. Sigh.

In any case, I've found a use for the Watchtower and Awake! they keep leaving me. I rip them up and stuff them in my shoes after walking to and from work in torrential downpours. It helps dry them right quick.

(I'm more of a Jehovah's Innocent Bystander, actually. Couldn't tell you what I saw or didn't see. I spend my time handing out leaflets marked, "This space intentionally left blank")

[skeptic53]

Most of my relatives are off-the-deep-end fundamentalists, it makes family get-togethers interesting. They don't like Bush because he's too liberal...

One of my cousins has a husband who ran a private Christian school. He went at me for awhile, talking about the only way to find happiness was through his particular brand of one particular religion. He'd been griping for hours about all the problems the school was having, I said "You've been complaining for a long while about your life, have you heard me squawking about mine? I think I'm happier than you right now, and certainly happy with my own beliefs. You'd be insulted if I tried to convert you, so do me the favor of respecting my beliefs the same". It shut him up for a couple of days.

They have two kids who are or want to be missionaries. They send begging emails once a month asking for $ to support their "work". The son is roaming around Thailand on a motorbike. The daughter and her husband have been raising money for years to move to the south of France to preach (convert those heathen Catholics, ya know...).

Let me see... have I got this straight... you want me to give you money so you can travel in Thailand or move to the Midi? Ummmm..... NO!

[Format C]

Read about a person in Texas who was being molested by some religious types when it was found out that she was a Wiccan. They followed her home and started protesting outside of her house. She came back outside with a blanket and several boxes of various sizes.

She sat down on the blanket and started cleaning her gun collection in plain sight of the protesters. The more guns she pulled out, the fewer protesters there were. The last one left when she pulled out the Remington 870 Magnum 12-gauge.

Wonder why they left.

Mongo

Good for the Wiccan!

[protege]

Heh. My dad used to clean his guns in front of my boyfriends when they came to pick me up for dates.

Heh. None of my girlfriends' fathers ever did that. However, there was one who had a large deer head on the wall. Next to that was an empty plaque. When I asked about it, he simply said "disrespect my daugher, and your head goes there." Since I always treat the ladies with respect, we didn't have any problems....and yes, he was totally joking with me

[wagegoth]

How to Get Rid of JWs

Having been through it, just tell any JWs that come to your door that you're disfellowshipped. It's the equivalent of excommunication or shunning.

The average JW is not allowed to speak with you, so only the elders can speak to you. And you just have to make it clear you're happily disfellowshipped and they'll leave you alone. They go by my neighbors, but they never come near my door.

[LostMyMind]

but theres no fun in that

[Moirae]

Read about a person in Texas who was being molested by some religious types when it was found out that she was a Wiccan. They followed her home and started protesting outside of her house. She came back outside with a blanket and several boxes of various sizes.

She sat down on the blanket and started cleaning her gun collection in plain sight of the protesters. The more guns she pulled out, the fewer protesters there were. The last one left when she pulled out the Remington 870 Magnum 12-gauge.

Wonder why they left.

Mongo

lol priceless.

[Moirae]

I honestly don't mind if someone is a religion. Most of my family are Catholic and my Father in Law is a Methodist minister. I just don't want to be preached at for any reason and I can't stand posts on sites that go something like "Because the bible says so."

George Carlin put it very well one night. "Here's the only commandment you'll ever need. Keep thine own religion to thineself."

People can have their own religion and more power to them. I just don't want to hear about it all the time.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Heh. None of my girlfriends' fathers ever did that. However, there was one who had a large deer head on the wall. Next to that was an empty plaque. When I asked about it, he simply said "disrespect my daugher, and your head goes there." Since I always treat the ladies with respect, we didn't have any problems....and yes, he was totally joking with me

Sounds like my kinda dad! I should do that when my girl gets to be dating age!

[Jester]

The empty plaque is brilliant!

Myself, I am an uncle, not a father (by choice and design), but I always said that if I had daughters, I would know just how to deal with their boyfriends. See, I clearly remember what effect girls' dads had on me, what worked, and what didn't. Yelling and puffing up and threatening violence? Didn't work. I always said that when a guy came to my house to pick up my daughter, I would greet him warmly at the door, invite him in, and talk to him very friendly like...the entire time cleaning a gun, without ever actually mentioning the gun. The psychology works, trust me.

Never got a chance to do that, but a few weeks ago, my oldest niece (15) was going to prom with her date (18), and I happened to be there when he picked her up. Our conversation went pretty much like this:

ME: "Hi, I'm Niece's Uncle Jester. I'm here to threaten your life."
BOY: "I'm Boy. How are you doing today, sir?" (Smart kid.)

A bit later:
ME: "Niece, what time does your mom want you home?"
NIECE: "Midnight."
BOY: "I'll have her home by 11:30."
ME: [shocked] "Kid, what fucking PLANET are you from?"

He had her home by 11:30.

I heard a true classic from one of the Blue Collar Comedy guys (I am pretty sure it was Ron White). When a guy came to pick his daughter up for a date, he said something like this....

"Son, see that girl over there? That's my daughter...my ONLY daughter. And I love her more than anything else on this planet. So tonight, when you're out with her, and start getting ideas about kissing and hugging and other things, remember the words I am about to say to you: I don't mind going back to prison."