My children?

[Jester]

Hey, I'll give them credit....at least they're adopting children in need. Which is more than I can say for a lot of self-righteous sanctimonious assholes who like to tell people how they should live. I won't go into specifics for fear of fratchingization, but they know who they are, the fucks.

[BamaBabe]

That's true, Jester. I just wish the rich who want to adopt would consider children in need here.

And, I get where you're coming from about not wanting to raise kids. I didn't get the "mommy" gene. When I told my mom I didn't want to have or raise children, she immediately asked me "Was it something I did?" Uh, no. This isn't about you. It's about a life choice I've made.

[Indigo]

Oh yeah, because getting married quickly has worked so well for so many other people. These people need to shut the fuck up and mind their own fucking business. They think quick marriages are a good thing? Then they can get them. But they need to leave people who don't agree with them the fuck alone!



(checking the calendar) Nope, not 1952. So this person too can go fuck a rhino and mind their own damn business.

Yea, that's pretty much my response. Unfortunately I live in a small town where those ideas are still very prevalent. Many of the girls I graduated with are married and/or have multiple children by now.

But the mental image of the lil old lady (who told me I needed to be a good wife) fucking a rhino is rather amusing

[hinakiba777]

Haha, don't worry Jester. I do plan to adopt if i get to be about 38 or 40 and I haven't had kids yet. It's just that I'll be 27 when I start my teaching career. So by the time I'm 30, I will probably have only just found permanent placement. It will take me a while to settle down, so it's easier to tell people I'm uninvolved. I just imagine it might get annoying. People already ask me if i want a lot of kids just because i'm going to teach.

[Jester]

People already ask me if i want a lot of kids just because i'm going to teach.

Simple answer to that: "I already HAVE a lot of kids. Classrooms FULL of them!"

[LadyAndreca]

I'm coming up on my 3rd anniversary, and I'm constantly getting pushed by my coworkers (those who believe I'm old enough to be married, anyways) to find out when I'm having kids. My short answer is "in a few years, when I can afford it". That got me a rant from one of my older coworkers, who tried to explain to me I couldn't be waiting until money wasn't an issue because there's always -something- if you get thinking like that. She calmed down when I explained that no, we had specific goals: I wanted to finally graduate college, and my husband wanted to get his professional engineering certificate. We'd only be about thirty when that happened. THEN we'd plan a family.

Oddly, my family doesn't bug me much much. Out of five kids, I'm the only one that's married, and only one of the other four has a serious relationship. I've got cousins on both sides with kids, so great-grandchildren aren't an issue--and I've got aunts and uncles who had to go through some unorthodox routes to have children. One uncle adopted Vietnamese twins, as well as an American kid. Another aunt tried to find a husband, never found a guy she liked, and decided not to risk running out of time on her biological clock. She went to a fertility clinic for a donor and now is raising twin girls herself, and if she finds a man who can be their father, great.

My husband's family, on the other hand... He was a very late baby of a couple that thought they couldn't have children of their own and were actually finalizing an adoption when they found out she was pregnant. (They waived the adoption and let the next couple in line take the baby.) Through a hospital accident involving a bitch of a nurse that stuck her with a dropped needle and gave her near-fatal staph infection while pregnant (he was delivered by emergency c-section because she was THAT close to dying!), she was so weakened that she never had a third. So she's been quietly hinting at me because she never got to have a daughter.

[Cat]

Yeah, I'd be creeped out by that comment in the op as well... And I doubt I'd think of a clever reply.

Oh and Jester, thanks for the adoption comments... Made this adopted gal smile .

[Jester]

I'm coming up on my 3rd anniversary, and I'm constantly getting pushed by my coworkers (those who believe I'm old enough to be married, anyways) to find out when I'm having kids.

"When WE are ready, and when WE want to."

Semi-polite version of "Back the fuck off."

Oh and Jester, thanks for the adoption comments... Made this adopted gal smile.

No, thank YOU.

I am not adopted myself, and I've had three great parents (Mom, Dad (who's no longer with us), and Stepdad). But I find some comments and arguments by people trying to get pregnant so annoying and ridiculous that it drives me nuts. There are literally an unlimited number of children who NEED a good home and are out there WAITING for one.

And people like you and your adopted brethren prove my point so often. Thank you.

[Null Requiem]

*sigh*

I've been saying it for years, in public and on this and other forums.

Just because you cannot give birth does not mean you cannot have children. There are countless children out there aching, praying, wishing upon every star they see for a good home and loving parents. And there are also many people who cannot reproduce for whatever reason. And that brings us to adoption. Something I have been a champion of for years.

I have heard the people who resort to fertility drugs say a variation of "we want our own children." To which I always say, "Talk to anyone who's adopted. Ask them who their REAL parents are. It sure as fuck isn't their birth parents!" Parents are not merely biological, and some people who have had children are piss-poor parents. Parenting is about raising and teaching children, and in the end, this is far more important to a child than actual bloodlines. Don't believe me?

Ask someone who was adopted!

I seem to be getting into the habit of quoting Jester here, but more than anything else, this. The last bit more then anything else.

Not to threadjack too much, but I have a few stories about this.

I myself was adopted. It may or may not have caused me to be a slightly angrier then usual teenager, but that it neither here nor there. My example for this comes from my early twenties. The agency that adopted me out got in contact with me. They said that my birth mother was looking for me. I let them know that I was not interested in such a meeting. I'm alive, healthy, and in the end was raised by decent parents. I didn't turn out too bad, even if it took me a while to straighten up, or something close to it. My family is just that. If someone were to ask me who my family is, I'd answer that it's the people who raised me. Any maternal or paternal gene donors are just that, the donors.

My sister though, is a slightly different matter. When she was 16 or so, she had a kid by an abusive basta... you know what, it doesn't matter. She made the right choice that time, and the little one was adopted out. I have a 12 or 13 year old niece out there somewhere, and I hope she is getting raised as well as I did.

Now fast forward a decade or so, and my sister is now a single mother. Once again, poor choice of fathers, but that isn't the issue. My sister is trying to raise little Z on her own, give or take, given her medical issues (currently on stress leave from work, amongst other things). She is then contacted by her birth mother. This is where it gets messy, my sister had been cutting contact with everyone in the family a fair amount, and has even considered moving to where her birth family is from. I think I'll stop here.

So yeah, if anyone asks me, I'm all for what Jester said. My family, my parents, are the people I grew up with and raised me.

... just don't ask my sister, she's an idiot right now, but we're hoping she gets her head on straight again.

You know, if real life (or maybe just my family) were ever made into a TV show, if would be tossed off the air for being unrealistic. Truth is stranger than fiction.

Little add on, as it occurs to me, my wife's friends that she went to school for her teaching degree have all had kids in the last year or so, one of them is constantly assuming that we'll be having some of our own in the next year or so. Not just bugging us about it, telling us that it will. It's been chafing us a little bit. Thankfully, both our families are being quiet on the subject. And the wife and I have talked about it, if my sister spins out of control enough to lose little Z (something which I hope never happens) we'll weigh in on the fight to raise her ourselves. She's family, damnit, and that's important.

Anyways, I've rambled much too long already... everyone please go back to your regularly scheduled thread...

>.>

<.<

Nothing to see here, carry on.

...

[ShootMePlease]

I'm always asked by customers about my kids, usually in reference as to whether they should buy something for their kid , i.e. "Do your children like this ?". I don't bother correcting them anymore. I just say "They sure do !!" . I have no interest in having children, but I guess I look motherly or something.

[auntiem]

Little add on, as it occurs to me, my wife's friends that she went to school for her teaching degree have all had kids in the last year or so, one of them is constantly assuming that we'll be having some of our own in the next year or so. Not just bugging us about it, telling us that it will. It's been chafing us a little bit. ...

Actually, this is kinda true. Babies emit a phermone from the tops of their heads that make women more fertile. (you've seen it - the first thing lots of women do is smell the top of a babies head - I do it myself and I know better. But damn, there is nothing better than the smell of a babies head). I have a friend who was having trouble getting pregnant and her doctor told her to go to the hospital nursery and hold babies for a few hours every week. It worked. So if your wife has friends that are having babies and she is around them and you don't want kids right now - you might want to be extra careful. Just sayin'

For the OP - I tend to give the older generation a pass on comments like that. It was really meant more as a compliment - you're young and pretty and must have "caught" a man by now and have kids. If older women ask/comment I usually tell them I was never able to have kids (technically true) and usually get one of two reponses - "Oh, that's too bad I'm sure you would have made a good mother" or "well you are lucky - kids are a pain in the ass".

[Andara Bledin]

Just because you cannot give birth does not mean you cannot have children.

And adoption won't stop the questions from people who know you adopted, because a lot of people somehow don't think it counts if the kid isn't actually a product of the parents.

I have heard the people who resort to fertility drugs say a variation of "we want our own children."

I have never understood this sentiment.

Then again, I have never wanted to bear or raise kids, either.

I have a friend who was having trouble getting pregnant and her doctor told her to go to the hospital nursery and hold babies for a few hours every week. It worked. So if your wife has friends that are having babies and she is around them and you don't want kids right now - you might want to be extra careful. Just sayin'

Placebo effect. Extra effective when administered by an authority figure.

Of course, I can use this as yet another excuse for why I don't want people waving their babies at me. Yeah... so not excited by babies.

^-.-^

[Raveni]

Simple answer to that: "I already HAVE a lot of kids. Classrooms FULL of them!"

That's very similar to my answer. "I already HAVE a lot of kids. Have you seen how many employees I have?"*


*Note: Of all ages, many older than me

[Jester]

I seem to be getting into the habit of quoting Jester here...

It's either because I am brilliant or, far more likely, you have completely lost your mind and any sense of good judgment.

Little add on, as it occurs to me, my wife's friends that she went to school for her teaching degree have all had kids in the last year or so, one of them is constantly assuming that we'll be having some of our own in the next year or so. Not just bugging us about it, telling us that it will. It's been chafing us a little bit.

Feel free to tell this person to shut the fuck up, and that if they won't, you have a large roll of duct tape that will do the job nicely. Fucking stupid ass condescending little prick.

And adoption won't stop the questions from people who know you adopted, because a lot of people somehow don't think it counts if the kid isn't actually a product of the parents.

Feel free to tell these people to shut the fuck up, and that if they won't, you have a large roll of duct tape that will do the job nicely. Fucking stupid ass condescending little pricks.

[Flying Grype]

I love kids. I am not anti-kid at all. I think kids are great.

I just don't want to raise kids.

Some people see this as a contradiction. I do not.

YES. There's a big difference between enjoying hanging out with kids and wanting to devote all of your next 18-20 years to raising one. People who don't understand that must not be parents, must not know how hard it is to be a parent. What an odd paradox.

I don't want to be a mom, and I have several good reasons for not doing it. But I am looking forward to being the wacky auntie to some friends' kids.