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Believe it or not, there are SC's in prison too. In this case, they come in the form of visitors and volunteers. In my current post, a tower outside the fence, I don't have any interaction with inmates. But I do see visitors and volunteers quite a bit, and after witnessing something I hadn't encountered in a very long time this evening, an entire herd of disgruntled asselope, I have decided they are fair game.
SC = I admit it feels odd using this term in my stories again. But also makes me nostalgic
CW = Coworker
ME = You know who
Access Denied - Put Some Clothes On
A bit of info, every non-inmate who enters the facility goes through the same doors, through the same processing, the same metal detectors, and so on. So on weekends we usually have visitors coming in, since visitations are on Saturdays and Sundays.
SC: Whaddaya mean I can't come in? I have a visit with mah husband.
CW: Ma'am, you can't enter the premises dressed like that.
SC: But this visit was scheduled a month ago. I want to see mah husband.
CW: Unless you have a change of clothes in your car, your visit will be canceled. You cannot enter the-
SC: What's wrong with mah clothes?
Ohhh, let's see. Could be the skintight shorts. Could be the shirt you seem to have bought by mistake at Kids R Us. Or is it supposed to only come down to just above your bellybutton? Could be the fact that you don't appear to be wearing a bra under said t-shirt. All of which are violation of the visitation dress code. Which is clearly outlined on the TV screen on the wall in front of you. And is also included in the visitor's guide you are mailed when applying for visitation. And for that matter, fucking REALLY? You really think there's nothing wrong with walking into a room full of criminals, deviants, and deviant criminal looking like you just finished your shift at the local street corner? None of these guys have anything better to do than go back to their cells and think about you until dinner.
Choose Your Own Failure
You are attempting to sneak a baggie of marijuana to your son, and you realize when you walk in that maximum-security prisons have drug dogs. What do you do?
A) This is stupid, I wouldn't do that anyway.
B) Realize this was REALLY stupid to begin with, casually mention you forgot something in your car, walk back outside, get in your car, and go home. How dare that idiot son of yours talk you into doing something like that?
C) The same as option B, but go back inside for your visit anyway to give your lowlife son a piece of your mind.
D) Panic. Make a mad dash past everyone else and into the ladies room, chuck the drugs into a trash can, then calmly walk out like nothing happened. Then start getting indignant 3 seconds later when an officer goes to check the ladies room.
If you answered anything but D, you may not be a great parent, but at least you're not a complete fucktard. A complete fucktard who will now be getting charged with introducing contraband into a correctional facility.
Quality Time with the Fam
I was in the tower in front of the facility one afternoon and I saw an SUV come up the road to the facility from the highway. No biggie, Sunday evenings there are volunteers for the church services. Then I notice the SUV is slowly circling the parking lot. And there are children in the back. Wait, what?
I radioed for the officer in the patrol car to come around to the front parking lot and see what this vehicle was doing here. He did so, and after talking to the driver and sending them on their way, he drove up to the tower to talk to me.
ME: The hell was that all about?
CW: They were just out for a drive.
ME: *facepalm*
CW: I told them the sign on the side of the road states "No Sightseeing," and they left.
"Hey kids, it's a beautiful afternoon. There's still a few hours of sunlight left. We could go to Dairy Queen, any of the numerous parks in town, the sprinkler park, the pool, the lake... Wait. Wait, I've got it! Get in the car, let's go see the prison!"
Grand Theft Asshat
Protip: If you come out to your car after your visit is over to find that you have locked your keys inside the vehicle, you should probably let someone know before you start trying to break into said vehicle. Because the officer in the tower will see you, radio control to see if anyone reported locking their keys in their car, and when told no, she will radio for the patrol car to get there ASAP. And then you will find yourself face-to-face with an officer asking you what the hell you're doing while he's got his hand on his gun should he need to pull it on you.
Thou Shalt Not Pass
Ah Sunday. As I said, there are often volunteers who come to be part of the evening church services. Sometimes they are guest speakers, sometimes they perform music or skits or whatever. Tonight it was some sort of band. A band of a dozen or so middle-aged folks with assorted instrument cases, and sadly, none of them looked like there might be machine guns in the cases or something.
About half an hour or so later, a coworker from the main control room up front called to let me know that they would be late switching me with the car this evening because of problems with these volunteers (halfway through the shift, someone comes out and takes over the car for a few minutes so the officer driving the car and the officer in the front tower can switch places. Because historically, we've had a lot of problems with officers getting sleeping driving around in circles for 8 hours). Every volunteer gets entered into the system and given a visitor ID then can swipe in the card reader up front when they come in. 2 of the people in this group, for whatever reason, didn't clear the card reader, and they were now getting pretty upset and demanding to speak to the Chaplain, who has nothing whatsoever to do with security.
About 15 minutes later, they switched us out. Before getting in the car, I went inside to fill up my water bottle, and was going to chat with my coworker in the control room, since she's a good friend of mine. So I went in and saw her on the other side of the glass talking on the phone to the Captain, while the agitated musical group bitched endlessly, or glared at the steel door as though if they hated it enough, it would open and let them in.
SC1: This is SO stupid.
SC2: I don't see what the problem is.
SC1: I know. We're all with the same group, so what if 2 of us didn't clear the system?
SC3: They better get this sorted out fast.
Right. Because, as I already mentioned, this is a maximum-security facility. Why should you be expected to have to follow strict policies and procedures to enter it? Why even have doors? Anyone should be able to just come and go as they please.
SC2: I can't believe this is taking so long.
SC1: I don't know why the Chaplain doesn't do something about this.
SC3: We need to pray about this.
SC4: YES! We should pray.
SC1: Oh yes, good idea. Let's pray that we get to go inside.
SC2: Minister? Would you join us? Would you say a prayer for us?
Guest Minister: Of course.
Chaplian (to me): Yeah, that will get them in.
ME: *snerk*
At that point I realized this wasn't getting resolved anytime soon so I just went out and got in the car. At the end of my shift, I learned that the entire group was allowed inside. The Captain called the Chaplain, and after talking about it for a few minutes, the Captain said he would let them in this time only, but they had to understand it would never happen again. The Chaplain said that wouldn't be a problem, because this group will NOT be invited to come ever again.
SC = I admit it feels odd using this term in my stories again. But also makes me nostalgic
CW = Coworker
ME = You know who
Access Denied - Put Some Clothes On
A bit of info, every non-inmate who enters the facility goes through the same doors, through the same processing, the same metal detectors, and so on. So on weekends we usually have visitors coming in, since visitations are on Saturdays and Sundays.
SC: Whaddaya mean I can't come in? I have a visit with mah husband.
CW: Ma'am, you can't enter the premises dressed like that.
SC: But this visit was scheduled a month ago. I want to see mah husband.
CW: Unless you have a change of clothes in your car, your visit will be canceled. You cannot enter the-
SC: What's wrong with mah clothes?
Ohhh, let's see. Could be the skintight shorts. Could be the shirt you seem to have bought by mistake at Kids R Us. Or is it supposed to only come down to just above your bellybutton? Could be the fact that you don't appear to be wearing a bra under said t-shirt. All of which are violation of the visitation dress code. Which is clearly outlined on the TV screen on the wall in front of you. And is also included in the visitor's guide you are mailed when applying for visitation. And for that matter, fucking REALLY? You really think there's nothing wrong with walking into a room full of criminals, deviants, and deviant criminal looking like you just finished your shift at the local street corner? None of these guys have anything better to do than go back to their cells and think about you until dinner.
Choose Your Own Failure
You are attempting to sneak a baggie of marijuana to your son, and you realize when you walk in that maximum-security prisons have drug dogs. What do you do?
A) This is stupid, I wouldn't do that anyway.
B) Realize this was REALLY stupid to begin with, casually mention you forgot something in your car, walk back outside, get in your car, and go home. How dare that idiot son of yours talk you into doing something like that?
C) The same as option B, but go back inside for your visit anyway to give your lowlife son a piece of your mind.
D) Panic. Make a mad dash past everyone else and into the ladies room, chuck the drugs into a trash can, then calmly walk out like nothing happened. Then start getting indignant 3 seconds later when an officer goes to check the ladies room.
If you answered anything but D, you may not be a great parent, but at least you're not a complete fucktard. A complete fucktard who will now be getting charged with introducing contraband into a correctional facility.
Quality Time with the Fam
I was in the tower in front of the facility one afternoon and I saw an SUV come up the road to the facility from the highway. No biggie, Sunday evenings there are volunteers for the church services. Then I notice the SUV is slowly circling the parking lot. And there are children in the back. Wait, what?
I radioed for the officer in the patrol car to come around to the front parking lot and see what this vehicle was doing here. He did so, and after talking to the driver and sending them on their way, he drove up to the tower to talk to me.
ME: The hell was that all about?
CW: They were just out for a drive.
ME: *facepalm*
CW: I told them the sign on the side of the road states "No Sightseeing," and they left.
"Hey kids, it's a beautiful afternoon. There's still a few hours of sunlight left. We could go to Dairy Queen, any of the numerous parks in town, the sprinkler park, the pool, the lake... Wait. Wait, I've got it! Get in the car, let's go see the prison!"
Grand Theft Asshat
Protip: If you come out to your car after your visit is over to find that you have locked your keys inside the vehicle, you should probably let someone know before you start trying to break into said vehicle. Because the officer in the tower will see you, radio control to see if anyone reported locking their keys in their car, and when told no, she will radio for the patrol car to get there ASAP. And then you will find yourself face-to-face with an officer asking you what the hell you're doing while he's got his hand on his gun should he need to pull it on you.
Thou Shalt Not Pass
Ah Sunday. As I said, there are often volunteers who come to be part of the evening church services. Sometimes they are guest speakers, sometimes they perform music or skits or whatever. Tonight it was some sort of band. A band of a dozen or so middle-aged folks with assorted instrument cases, and sadly, none of them looked like there might be machine guns in the cases or something.
About half an hour or so later, a coworker from the main control room up front called to let me know that they would be late switching me with the car this evening because of problems with these volunteers (halfway through the shift, someone comes out and takes over the car for a few minutes so the officer driving the car and the officer in the front tower can switch places. Because historically, we've had a lot of problems with officers getting sleeping driving around in circles for 8 hours). Every volunteer gets entered into the system and given a visitor ID then can swipe in the card reader up front when they come in. 2 of the people in this group, for whatever reason, didn't clear the card reader, and they were now getting pretty upset and demanding to speak to the Chaplain, who has nothing whatsoever to do with security.
About 15 minutes later, they switched us out. Before getting in the car, I went inside to fill up my water bottle, and was going to chat with my coworker in the control room, since she's a good friend of mine. So I went in and saw her on the other side of the glass talking on the phone to the Captain, while the agitated musical group bitched endlessly, or glared at the steel door as though if they hated it enough, it would open and let them in.
SC1: This is SO stupid.
SC2: I don't see what the problem is.
SC1: I know. We're all with the same group, so what if 2 of us didn't clear the system?
SC3: They better get this sorted out fast.
Right. Because, as I already mentioned, this is a maximum-security facility. Why should you be expected to have to follow strict policies and procedures to enter it? Why even have doors? Anyone should be able to just come and go as they please.
SC2: I can't believe this is taking so long.
SC1: I don't know why the Chaplain doesn't do something about this.
SC3: We need to pray about this.
SC4: YES! We should pray.
SC1: Oh yes, good idea. Let's pray that we get to go inside.
SC2: Minister? Would you join us? Would you say a prayer for us?
Guest Minister: Of course.
Chaplian (to me): Yeah, that will get them in.
ME: *snerk*
At that point I realized this wasn't getting resolved anytime soon so I just went out and got in the car. At the end of my shift, I learned that the entire group was allowed inside. The Captain called the Chaplain, and after talking about it for a few minutes, the Captain said he would let them in this time only, but they had to understand it would never happen again. The Chaplain said that wouldn't be a problem, because this group will NOT be invited to come ever again.
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