CSR worty dirds and things I'm accused of doing...*SFW*

[Sarlon]

otherwise known as words customers think are the oulest collection of words ever to be removed from your lips....

so with my new job I pretty much get the same types of calls over and over again...but its to the point where I get 1 of 2 types of reactions...

grateful and appericative.....or snotty/nasty....

anyone is welcome to add to this list...and its simple...must not be a single curse word, and must be something you can say over the phone (or face to face).

things I'm accused of doing:

• crashing the website...but magically fixing it by telling them the correct information
• stealing money from them....even though I have no say in how much they get, and wehn
• lying...because obviously the 3 other people you spoke with told you the EXACT same thing I'm telling you
• not listening....even though its the same thing I've said 6 times....in 6 different ways....trying to get you to understand

dirty words....according to customers

• no
• I'm sorry I do not have access to that information
• I'm sorry I do not have those forms you need to contact (the sponser company)
• 7-10 days for your card to arrive
• $15 fee for emergency funds transfer
• I need your email address to set this up for you
• I'm sorry, but unless you can verify your account I cannot set this up for you

[retailsweetie]

"You cannot combine your B-buck with your Fun Card"

"No ma'am, the whole store is not 40% off today."

"Our hours today are 10 a.m. until 9 p.m."

[bhskittykatt]

"We are sold out tonight."

"WiFi is $3 plus tax for 24 hours."

"Yes, the [IHOP/Steakhouse] next door is closed down."

[barainga]

Things accused of:
-killing the battery in my phone
-causing the phone to break after the warranty expires
-turning off thier service because they didnt pay thier bill
-breaking up their family (because presumably a three day cell phone outage can do that)
-calling them for collections (cause I have a vaguely computerized feminine voice at time... not really, deep baritone)


Dirty Things Ive said:
-No I cannot have the CEO/President of the Company call you (didnt even know the persons name)
- I cannot backdate insurance
- No I cannot help you with Other Cell phone carrier
-Those are legitimate charges
-I cannot connect you to (bf/gf) house anonymously. I can only direct you to other departments.
-I do not know Joe/Jane at the call center in nowheresville, some other state
-warranty isnt open yet/today
-tech support will not take your call until Ive done basic troubleshooting
-you are not eligble for upgrade for the new(idiot) phone
-we do not keep copies of text messages
-we cannot get copies of text messages
-I do not know who your significant other is calling/texting/emailing.
-No... its not me.

[brownies2theface]

I work at a hotel

Here are some things customers find very offensive:
1. Sorry sir/ma'am check in time is not until 3pm it is 8am my housekeeping is not done cleaning
2. Sorry I cannot give you a 50% discount on a room because you have stayed here before.
3. Breakfast ends at 10am
4. The pool is not open until 9am.

[Marmalady]

"The store is now closed"

"No, you cannot return this underwear that you have already worn"

"You cannot bring your parrot into the store"

[Syriilord]

"You cannot bring your parrot into the store"

Even if it's pinin' for the fiords?

[Marmalady]

Even if it's pinin' for the fiords?

I have to say, I had never expected to have to say that to a customer - but on one memorable occasion, yes I did.

[RealUnimportant]

"To get there you'll need to change at ..." - for some reason, many people expect every station to be magically connected, like a spider's web.

[dalesys]

"You cannot bring your parrot into the store"

Not even on "Squawk like a prat day?"

[Jay 2K Winger]

Not even on "Squawk like a prat day?"

Come on, dalesys, you know that Sucktomers don't need a special day to do that.

[Nurian]

Dirty phrases I've used:
"No, I will not put you through to President Bush."
"No, I will not put you through to Dick Cheney."
"No, I will not go to hell. You first."

[Teskeria]

"If you do not pay your CC bill, you WILL be charged a late fee."
"I cannot release information on your wife/husband/cousin/sibling/uncles nieces aunts best friends next door neighbors account:"

[Andara Bledin]

"I'm sorry, Boss is not in the office right now."
"Our processor has declined your card."
"I'm calling for payment status on this invoice."

^-.-^

[AyreBiskits]

Dirty phrases i've used:

"i'm sorry, this lane is closed"
"store's closing in 5 min"
"i need to see some ID"
"that book/dvd/game isn't available until tomorrow. no, i can't sell it to you today."
"there's no more of <item> in the back. no, you can't go back there and look."