Pregnancy, children, and their irrelevance in my line of work (language)

[Athaelia]

I hate being asked "no kids yet..why?" or some variation of that...or being accused of "not understanding life/babies/etc" because I'm 'not a mother.' Actually, I was, thankyouverymuch.....now kindly shut your trap!

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

...especially with barbecue sauce.

...but I could never eat a whole one.

...and the guv'mint says I have to stay 100 feet away from them.

Take your pick. I don't humor people.

All three por favor.

[MoonCat]

Didn't want 'em at 21. Didn't want 'em at 31. Didn't want want 'em at 41. Didn't want 'em at 51 and holding....Some people really don't change their minds. I can understand a close friend or a relative asking about it, but why a complete stranger feels entitled to get an answer to that question I will never understand.

And questions about your marital status are equally nosy. Maybe you could just tell them you're not allowed to engage in personal discussions while working?

[MystyGlyttyr]

Best response I ever had to that question...and ironically totally honest...

"I don't have kids because I know I would inevitably lose my temper and hit them, and I know no decent human being would wish that on an innocent child. I certainly wouldn't."

Some of us are at least good enough parents to know we would be TERRIBLE parents...like criminally terrible...and respond accordingly.

[PepperElf]

I really don't give two short shits that your grotesquely swollen belly makes it "hard for you to get closer to the table".

Or sit sideways perhaps. Either way it's not your fault anyway.

[veniteangeli]

And questions about your marital status are equally nosy. Maybe you could just tell them you're not allowed to engage in personal discussions while working?

Call me stubborn and foolish, but I think there's a distinction between "can't" and "won't". I don't want to use my management as an excuse for why I CAN'T talk about these things to people - it gives the impression that if it weren't for them, I would be more forthcoming, and therefore makes some people just persist when the bosses are "out of earshot".

I'd much rather they know that I just WON'T engage in personal conversation, it's nothing to do with work, it's all me. They can hate me all they want but I'm doing nothing wrong just because I just don't want to bare my soul to strangers.

Seems to me like if more people would tell it like it is as far as "no, that conversation is NOT okay, never mind management, it's not okay with ME," then some of the nosy parkers and sticky beakers might get the hint that their inquiries are rude and unwanted and oftentimes plain hurtful.

Oh, and why is it socially acceptable for someone to ask a series of invasive and probing questions about the state of my internal apparatus, but it's not okay for me to ask them about the hideous growth on their neck? The one with no redeeming function or aesthetic value? You know, what's the word for those... their HEADS? lol

[protege]

Hey guys? Can we keep things on topic here, and anything controversial on Fratching? Thanks.

Anyhoo, I think the reason customers think that it's "OK" to go there, is because they can get away with it. Think about it, most employees cannot tell a customer to bugger off, without getting into trouble for it. That's why they feel they can resort to such questions. They can get away with it 99% of the time.

[PepperElf]

most employees cannot tell a customer to bugger off, without getting into trouble for it.

Oh but how often we wish we could.

[Merriweather]

my stats are probably making too many presumptions about the data, but that is what they do in marketing so why not here

You realize, of course, that 34.57% of all statistics are made up


And on the subject of unwanted questions, I've always liked one suggestion by Miss Manners, or Emily Post, or some ettiquette expert -
Just give them a very sincere, quizzical look, and say "Why on earth would you want to know that?". Usually stops 'em dead.

[Food Lady]

I HATE these kinds of conversations. I've told people I don't have kids because I'm not married yet. Then the response is either "You don't have to be married..."--to which I respond, "Well, I do"--or "Why aren't you married?" How should know? Am I gonna hold a gun to some dude's head and force him down the aisle? I don't want kids, but I don't say that 'cause it would cause even more tension, and I don't need that at work.

[Moggie]

*Murphy the frog may or may not exist, or may have existed at some previous point in history but no longer exists on this plane as we knew him, or may not exist yet, and is a future frog I may become enamored with enough to take responsibility for his waxing and shellacking needs at some later date in the very near or very far future....

1) I would like to borrow your frog

2) For the OP, I'm very sorry you ran into such a blatant lack of manners. Is it possible at your job to politely say "That's personal" and just move on to the next hand? I wouldn't *want* to be polite in that case, but it's easier sometimes.

[veniteangeli]

2) For the OP, I'm very sorry you ran into such a blatant lack of manners. Is it possible at your job to politely say "That's personal" and just move on to the next hand? I wouldn't *want* to be polite in that case, but it's easier sometimes.

It'd be great, if it worked. But these people are like dogs with a bone. Once they HEAR that it's personal, they want to know MORE. :P

[Buglady]

And on the subject of unwanted questions, I've always liked one suggestion by Miss Manners, or Emily Post, or some ettiquette expert -
Just give them a very sincere, quizzical look, and say "Why on earth would you want to know that?". Usually stops 'em dead.

It's true, this works BEAUTIFULLY. Especially if you can raise one eyebrow.

I keep getting the "oh, it's not too late you know!" cheerful reassurance response, when the topic of children comes up around people I know slightly (and therefore can't use the Miss Manners response). Unfortunately I look about 15 years younger than I really am, so everyone thinks I have forever and a day left to think about babies... and I just plain don't. Biological reality. I'm 38, I'm a spinster, and while I probably *could*, with effort, acquire a child in the next year or two, the odds aren't really in my favour here. I'm a Girl Guide leader and an auntie, and that's plenty of excitement!

Sometimes I tell people I have 9 daughters. That is fun (number of girls in my Pathfinder unit). They go all and I just smile!

[HappyFun Ball]

I have given birth to children.. But I live child free and I simply love it (I am not knocking anyone who has kids and can handle it.. I just know that I can't handle it and all of my kids are the result of failed birth control)

On a semi related note, I put on my dating profile that I do not want children. I got into an arguement yesterday with a man who does want children (Really? He's 53 years old.. My own father is 57 and he has grandchildren).. Anyways, his arguement was that maybe we can date and I will change my mind on the no children thing.. I told him, no I won't. Anyways, it goes around in circles and I finally tell him, I can't give him children even if I wanted to, I had a hysterectomy last week.

Oh, here's a laugh, he replied to me but said that if I want to date him, I will want to have kids in the future. I never said I wanted to date him.

And what a lot of people don't seem to understand is that just because you get pregnant and decide to carry the baby, that does not mean you have to keep the baby.. There are a ton of very responsible, loving and financially stable couples out there who'd give their left arm for a chance to raise a baby.

[ShootMePlease]

I don't have children, nor do I want any. It amazes me how many people assume I have children. I don't know what it is about me that makes people think that. I always have customers say "Well do your kids like it ?" or "What kind of computer do you have for your kids ?". "No kids for me" is my standard response, but it gets old after a while. Either way, it's none of their business, any more than it is mine if they have kids or not.