So Ends Another Week ( Yay~ )

[Retail Associate]

Great reading, as always!

I hope you're saving all these and plan to put them in a book someday. I'd buy it! I don't know what the title would be but I'm sure you'd come up with an appropriate one! And if not...maybe some suggestions from the forum members?

[Sailornight6]

long time reader of yours first time poster to your threads. you are my hero, reading your weekly posts truly do make my week. i look foward to reading more of your posts.

[Imogene]

This morning, right before I left, one of my coworkers arrives and starts chatting with us before her shift. I've worked with her for *4* years. Now, I'm Buddhist and by extension, vegetarian, she knows this. She's known it for quite a while. ;p

There was a period of my life where I was lacto-ovan. Lucky me, this came about right during Christmas. Got up that morning, and the family dug into their stockings (we usually do those first). I get to the bottom of mine, pull out a tin, and turn to Mom (who usually does the stockings, except her own). "Santa obviously didn't get the message."
"Huh?"
I brandish the tin of Slim Jims in Mom's direction, and give her the Look. "What's wrong with that?"
"Vegetarian, and while I hardly believe Slim Jim's are 100% meat, there is something vaguely resembling meat in them."
"Oh, right."
I handed the tin to my brother, and just kinda laughed about it afterward.

[Spiffy McMoron]

Oh dear lord. An airline agent put me on hold for a moment but she didn't have on hold music….she had on hold commercials. I had to listen to it talk about juicy lean chicken and turkey strips coated in whole wheat bread crumbs. It assured me it was "servin up good times" and then, because this is Canada, I had to listen to it all again in French. (sob).

Actually, this sometimes happens if I'm phoning somewhere to order a part. I'll be listening to their hold ads, and they'll pick up the phone. "More than once have I wanted them to put me back on hold so I can hear more about the Mitsubishi Endeavor or the NAPA 5/8" Quik-Connect Coupler Kit or some such garbage like that. Then I realize that I would NEVER live that down until I'm covered by 6 feet of dirt. (Technically, it'll be closer to five feet of dirt, but if I'm in that situation, I won't be arguing over semantics, unless it's with St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.)

What, you didn't know chicken was a vegetable?

If it was, I would have had no problems about eating my veggies as a child.

[Sofar]

Me: "Your confirmation number is M as in Mary, D as in David-"
SC: "M-B"
Me: "No, D, as in David."
SC: "B?"
Me: "D, as in David."
SC: "B as in baliff?"
Me: "No, D as in David."

d, D, D! D as in "Dammit, listen when I speak!" or "Dumbass, pay attention!".

I think the advent of wireless telephones has made your average telephone call much more difficult. I try to use my landline, (a bulky, hard-wired, avacado green telephone sitting on my desk,) as much as possible, because the sound quality over my wireless phone is awful. Unfortunately the person on the other end is still using a wireless phone so they're still hard to understand.

[Rapscallion]

Me: "I'm vegetarian, remember?"
MG: "Yeah, so? It doesn't mean you can't have chicken."
Me: ".......actually that's EXACTLY what it means."
MG: "Oh, well, I didn't know that."

Oh, that takes me back. I used to make my own sausages. I decided to make my own vegetarian sausages, but though I could get the mix easily enough, the skins were decidedly not vegetarian.

We spoke about this to the sundries guy.

"Are there any vegetarian sausage skins on the market?"

"What's wrong with the standard ones?"

"They're animal gut!"

"So? They're clean?"

He was serious. He really hadn't got the point...

Rapscallion

[RecoveringKinkoid]

"Or did you stumble drunkenly onto the tarmac and fall into the cargo hold before the ground crew noticed you? "

Hey, that's not too far off the mark from how I fly. Only difference with me is that I usually have someone with me to keep me upright.

Man, I love your posts. Love 'em.

[Kilamon]

Might I suggest the Nato Phonetic Alphabet? Don't even do the B as in Boy routine, just launch in to, "Your important code is Whiskey Tango Foxtrot. Do not lose that code," and make it sound very officious and important. See how many people write down the whole word.

[Noelegy]

Your "little kids" desperately require a phone do they? Stretching a bit much aren't you? Its nice of you to try and play the Sympathy Card right from the get go except that was like whipping out the Ace of Hearts during a Chess game and declaring victory. Pointless, futile and it just makes your opponent think you're a complete farkwit.

I just have to tell you this: after an exceedingly unpleasant encounter this weekend with one of the many, many people out there who are perhaps not wound tightly enough (or perhaps TOO tightly), that this metaphor made me laugh out loud and for the first time view the encounter with something of a sense of humor. Exquisitely put.

[Noelegy]

"They're animal gut!"

"So? They're clean?"

He was serious. He really hadn't got the point...

Hee! I was vegetarian for several years, and I encountered some amusing suggestions from people obviously concerned over what I ate. Two of the funniest were from coworkers, one who suggested that I could eat at Taco Bell because they used soy filler in their tacos.

Me: "But they still use real meat, right?"

Him: "Yeah."

Me: "Then I can't eat it."

The other coworker referenced the urban legend that KFC stopped calling themselves "Kentucky Fried Chicken" because what they use isn't real chicken, but rather some sort of genetically-engineered Frankenchicken grown without heads or feathers (Snopes.com has debunked this). Because of this, he concluded, I could eat there.

[rvdammit]

I could forgive the vegetarian one, given the modern vagueness of it's use, if it wasn't someone who should have known better.

[Spiffy McMoron]

Two of the funniest were from coworkers, one who suggested that I could eat at Taco Bell because they used soy filler in their tacos.

Me: "But they still use real meat, right?"

Him: "Yeah."

After eating at several different fast food chains, I can't help but wonder EXACTLY how much "real meat" is used. In some cases, I wonder if there's more real meat in the average salad than in a fast food burger.

On a related note, back when I still worked in a fast-food resturant, there was a rumour that my chain once sold what was known as an Animal Burger, which had been taken off the menu. Basically, it had the toppings of a regular burger-mustard, ketchup, pickles, onions, mayo-but intead of the one, two, or three patty burgers that where sold, this one had eight patties! Since they were quarter-pound patties, to eat one meant that you were consuming two pounds of meat. One day, I thought that I would try this. As I was eating this montrosity, I couldn't help but notice that the meat actually tasted like meat. I was a little surprised, truth be told.

I managed to finish the burger, but never again would I attempt something like that--one, it probably would kill me (If not from a heart attack, then from choking, two, I was a useless sack of crap the rest of the night, and three, it was damned near impossible for me to physically eat the thing. It was just too big.

[MadMike]

Why do people even care?

Because some people simply aren't happy unless they're throwing a fit over something, no matter how stupid.

[Silvercat]

After eating at several different fast food chains, I can't help but wonder EXACTLY how much "real meat" is used. In some cases, I wonder if there's more real meat in the average salad than in a fast food burger.

My sister has a lot of vegetarian friends, including ones that have been vegetarian since birth. Apparently, they can eat McDonald's hamburgers with no ill effects.

(and yet McDonalds advertises that they have "all meat" burgers. Amazing what money can do...)

[ShortTemperHatesStupidity]

Ok, first things first-yet another entertaining edition of Gravekeepers tales from the crypt.

Second thing-the one with the spanish guy using the english machine. There are two reasons I shake my head from the pain of trying to understand the stupidity here...

1)Most equipment these days have an option to 'continuar en espanol'. If they don't, chances are you probably shouldn't use them without someone who can translate-genius.
2)Numbers don't look any different in spanish than they do in english...