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You want a car that what?

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  • #1

    You want a car that what?

    I recently ended a job where we took complaints from car owners and tried to help them find resolution. This story was not one of my calls but told to me by a friend:

    A man calls in upset that his SUV isn’t equipped to carry corpses. Yes, you heard me.

    Apparently he had to pick up a body at the airport, loaded it into the back of his SUV (perfectly normal, right?). Well as he was driving he had to brake suddenly. The body slid forward and landed headfirst into the small space between the folded down back seats and the upright front seats. He wanted our Company to know so they could redesign the SUV. Also wanted compensation for his trouble.

    Well, buddy our Company also makes hearses. Ya might want to look into that…just a thought.
    My formula for living is quite simple. I get up in the morning and I go to bed at night. In between, I occupy myself as best I can.---Cary Grant
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  • #2
    I'd have been tempted to tell him to call back tomorrow and talk to Tony "the Fixer" for cars what with the getting rid of bodies.

    As for the "compensation?" I got your compensation right here! Hey Big Frankie! Why don't youse go and "compensate" this gentleman for his trouble? Tell him the Don(na?) sends her regards!
    "You are loved" - Plaidman.

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    • #3
      Quoth flybye023 View Post
      Well as he was driving he had to brake suddenly. The body slid forward and landed headfirst into the small space between the folded down back seats and the upright front seats.
      Is it wrong that I found that funny?
      -"One ring to rule them all!"-Elias
      -Ask yourself, "WWRKHTSCCJ:TMD?"

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      • #4
        Why is he using an SUV to transport a body? Why isn't he using the trunk of a Lincoln Town Car or a battered LTD?

        -Spiffy, who drives a battered LTD
        I pray for the strength to change what I can, the inability to change what I can't, and the incapacity to tell the difference -Calvin, Calvin & Hobbes

        Being a pessimist and cynical wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't right so often!

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        • #5
          Does this brand of SUV have a luggage rack on the roof?? That might have been more conducive to body transportation...just need a few tie-downs.

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          • #6
            Quoth Spiffy McMoron View Post
            Why is he using an SUV to transport a body? Why isn't he using the trunk of a Lincoln Town Car or a battered LTD?

            -Spiffy, who drives a battered LTD
            My friend "inherited" a Chevy Caprice Classic in college when her grandfather bought a new car. It was somewhat rusty, with a trunk that could hold a body or 3. (she is also of 100% Sicilian descent on both sides, and her grandparents own(ed?) a storage and moving company, and live in a stone house that could probably withstand a bomb). We called it the Mafia Mobile
            I don't go in for ancient wisdom
            I don't believe just 'cause ideas are tenacious
            It means that they're worthy - Tim Minchin, "White Wine in the Sun"

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            • #7
              wait a second.... the BODY slid forward? Please tell me you just forgot to mention the box it was in?
              GK/Kara/Jester fangirl.

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              • #8
                HAHAHAHA!!!

                I could only HOPE that something like that would happen to my body, I'd be looking down, laughing my ass off.

                Here's to the previous owner of that body for freaking the driver out! /salute
                ...how do used tampons attract thieves? ---Sleepwalker

                Chickens are Asexual!

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                • #9
                  If it wasn't in a nice pine box was it at least in a nice plastic body bag?

                  Did you ask for pictures as proof?
                  Figers are vicious I tell ya. They crawl up your leg and steal your belly button lint.

                  I'm a case study.

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                  • #10
                    Quoth Erin View Post
                    Does this brand of SUV have a luggage rack on the roof?? That might have been more conducive to body transportation...just need a few tie-downs.
                    That would be a sight to see going down the highway. An SUV with a coffin attached to the luggage rack.

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                    • #11
                      Besides my duties as a police dispatcher, I have a friend who owns a mortuary removal service.,and I help him out occassionally. For those who just went wtf!, a removal service removes deceased persons from the place of death to the funeral home. A lot of funeral homes in my area are either too busy or they are one man operations so they rely on this type of service.

                      If the guy driving the suv had a body slide forward on him, and it was I am sure, in a shipping container, then shame on him for not securng the container before he took off. If the body was on a stretcher, then shame on him for being so reckless.
                      I drive a hearse. Anyone want to go for a ride? Don't let your first ride be your last!

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                      • #12
                        Yes, the body was in a casket, and no, we don't know why it wasn't secured
                        My formula for living is quite simple. I get up in the morning and I go to bed at night. In between, I occupy myself as best I can.---Cary Grant

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                        • #13
                          Quoth Spiffy McMoron View Post
                          Why is he using an SUV to transport a body? Why isn't he using the trunk of a Lincoln Town Car or a battered LTD?

                          -Spiffy, who drives a battered LTD
                          '75 Cadillac Fleetwood. The trunk was so freaking huge you could hide the corpses of an entire cheerleading squad and transport them to the mass grave out in the middle of the New Jersey Pine Barrens.

                          Uhm...err...*cough*...not that I know of such things

                          M
                          I never lost my faith in humanity. Can't lose what you never had right?

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                          • #14
                            "look at that trunk! You can fit three bodies in it"

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                            • #15
                              Quoth BusBus View Post
                              Is it wrong that I found that funny?
                              I hope not because I'm right there with ya on that one.

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