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  • #1

    still haunts me

    Hi All….I haven't posted in awhile (how about April 2009) and since I haven't worked on a sales floor since 1990 all my stories are old. But lately I keep flashing back on a customer and her young daughter (5 or 6) amd its been disturbing to me.
    Its 1984 or 85 on a busy Saturday before Easter and little girls dress shoes for Easter Sunday at church are in demand (people don't dress up for church that much anymore now).This is a full-service shoe store so I measure the daughters foot and let the mother know that she is a size 11. With the most vile, mean, take no crap look on her face she says bring her a size 9. I start to disagree but there will be none of that! I'll admit that I'm intimidated and scared by this woman...her expression was truly scary and serious ("crazy" freaked me out back then as I hadn't experienced it a lot at that point). I look at the daughter and she has a sad/beaten down look on her face.
    So I get the shoes from the stock room and I have to wedge them on the little girl (remember, full service).They hurt her, its obvious. Mom says "They fit, right!". This sweet little girl quietly and sadly shakes her head yes. I looked at her and she and I had an instant silent bonding moment that said "yes, my Mom does this to me all the time". One of the saddest moments of my life, and I did nothing to stop it.
    Now its over 25 years later and my non-action, my not standing up to this beast still kind of haunts me. What a tortured childhood she must have had. Raised by someone who doesn't mind causing you pain. I imagine as a grown woman (if she made it that far) the deep mental scars she carries around from whatever Mom inflicted on her.
    I know refusing to sell this woman shoes would've made no difference in this child's life. After leaving the store Mom would've continued to be evil no matter what I'd done. But I allowed her to hurt her child. And if I had stood up to her maybe this little girl would've felt someone cared about her, even for a short moment. And I did, and I still do....over 25 years later.
    Tags: None
  • #2
    What is that mother's malfunction? Why was it so important to have her daughter's feet stuffed into shoes two sizes too small?

    Ugh.

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    • #3
      My mom wanted me to wear stuff 2 sizes too big and have the pants come up to my boobs. I am 5'4", its not that hard for that to happen. That poor little girl though. People are just that sad.

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      • #4
        My guess is, if the child is growing, it means she's getting older. Therefore, MOM is getting older. And this "Mother" doesn't like that.
        On the bright side, there's a good chance Mom is dead now. :-)
        "All I've ever learned from love was how to shoot somebody who out-drew ya"

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        • #5
          Sadistic and stupid.
          I mean, why buy new shoes if they doesn't fit. They will soon enough be too small naturally.
          I hope the girl had to decide which rest home her mother should go to .

          Buying stuff to "grow into" is wasteful as well. When it fits it will be worn out. You might as well buy second-hand clothes that fit.
          Last edited by Mikkel; 05-18-2012, 06:22 PM.

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          • #6
            That kid will remember all the abuse her mom pulled on her when it's time to choose the nursing home.
            I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
            My LiveJournal
            A page we can all agree with!

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            • #7
              That is really sad! I remember shoes stores like that when I was a kid (late 80's early 90's) I never had problems with my shoes fitting because a professional would always measure my feet.

              Was it cheaper for the mom to get a 9 over an 11 or something? Not that it makes it right! I am just trying to figure out why in the world she would put her kid in a shoe two sizes to small!
              "The old saying "The customer is always right" is Bull S*it, but you should always treat the customer with respect."~ Professor of Management at UTA

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              • #8
                Another factor is that it used to be fashionable for women to have small feet. Women have smaller feet than men on average *anyway*, but there were extensive practices of deliberately wearing undersized shoes to restrict foot growth.

                Needless to say, this tended to result in *malformed* small feet.

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                • #9
                  Some people connect a larger size in anything you wear to mean you are too big; ie overweight. So, this mother may have had a very bad body image of her daughter and the fact that she needed to wear a size 11 was her 'proof' and her mother would force her to wear a smaller size so that she'd lose weight. I know this was over 20 years ago, but I'm crying for that little girl.

                  And, NoLongerAShoeDog, there was nothing you could have done. If you'd fought her on it, she'd have threatened your job and may have punished the little girl more in private, accusing her of having caused a scene.

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                  • #10
                    Quoth Chromatix View Post
                    Another factor is that it used to be fashionable for women to have small feet. Women have smaller feet than men on average *anyway*, but there were extensive practices of deliberately wearing undersized shoes to restrict foot growth.

                    Needless to say, this tended to result in *malformed* small feet.
                    kinda like foot-binding *shudder*

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                    • #11
                      Quoth NoMoreRetail View Post
                      Was it cheaper for the mom to get a 9 over an 11 or something? Not that it makes it right! I am just trying to figure out why in the world she would put her kid in a shoe two sizes to small!
                      Nope, it's just vanity. So many women have the idea that big feet are hideous, that they'll squash their own feet into too-small shoes, thinking that'll make their feet look smaller. And not understanding that their feet pushed out of alignment and bulging out of too-small shoes look far worse than big feet resting comfortably in properly-fitting shoes.
                      I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
                      My LiveJournal
                      A page we can all agree with!

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                      • #12
                        I don't want to argue with anybodies rationalization of what she was thinking ...all I know is when I looked at her she had the most evil angry face I have ever seen. This was not a vain pretty woman ...something had turned her bitter and angry and she was gonna take it out on whoever she could. I was too good of an employee to lose my job, I was just freaked and didn't know how to handle it. I would've gladly gotten in trouble to not have this regret about not doing anything all these years later.

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                        • #13
                          I think the only realistic thing you could have done to have lasting effect, would have been to somehow get identifying information on the pair - a credit card number, have her sign up for a store card, whatever - and report it to children's services.

                          And you KNOW she would have fought you hard on any such thing unless it was her own idea.
                          Seshat's self-help guide:
                          1. Would you rather be right, or get the result you want?
                          2. If you're consistently getting results you don't want, change what you do.
                          3. Deal with the situation you have now, however it occurred.
                          4. Accept the consequences of your decisions.

                          "All I want is a pretty girl, a decent meal, and the right to shoot lightning at fools." - Anders, Dragon Age.

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                          • #14
                            Quoth Mikkel View Post
                            Sadistic and stupid.
                            I mean, why buy new shoes if they doesn't fit. They will soon enough be too small naturally.
                            I hope the girl had to decide which rest home her mother should go to .

                            *snip*
                            I hope she picked one with a room the size of a closet. And I hope that's when mom discovered she's claustrophobic.

                            Quoth justhere View Post
                            *snip*
                            And, NoLongerAShoeDog, there was nothing you could have done. If you'd fought her on it, she'd have threatened your job and may have punished the little girl more in private, accusing her of having caused a scene.
                            I second this. You might have argued with her, and refused to sell her the shoes, but there's no question she'd have gone on a quest to find a store that wouldn't argue with her and her daughter would've ended up in the same situation. I think we've all done (or not done) things in the past that we now regret. Please try not to beat yourself up over this. You were young and unsure of yourself. You can't change the past; you can only change how you react in the present and future.

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                            • #15
                              I would have put a size 11 shoe in a size 9 box.

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