Stupid real life questions

[TheCheerfulTreeRat]

It's not often that I actually laugh out loud, this thread has managed it thrice...

Soldier: Hey Sergeant Rainman, why wont this bayonet fit on my rifle!?

(walks over, turns bayonet around so the pointy end faces out)

Rainman: There you go killer.

Soldier: So how long do you think we gotta be in the Army before we can try to become Navy SEALS?

Rainman: Stop and think REEEEEAAAAAAALLLLLLY hard and I bet the answer will come to you.

IDIOT: Do you have one in red?
ME: Yes.
IDIOT: Where?
ME: In your left hand.

[Lovecats]

My favorite is "Are you open?" when I'm standing at my register with my light on. Bonus points if I'm just finishing up with a customer.

Then there's the "Do you work here?" when I'm in full uniform with a name tag. No, I just like the look.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

This one was the top Stupid Question by merit of how many times a day it was asked (probably approaching a hundred times a day)

Any Random Kinkoid answering the phone: Kinko's, open 24 hours! How can I help you?

Member of Legion of Idiots: What time do you close?

(At least once, this conversation continued thusly:

ME: We don't close, ma'am, we're open 24 hours.
MOLI: Okay, well, what time do you open then?

[Jay 2K Winger]

[At the wholesale club, about fifteen feet away from the BIG SIGN that reads "Pharmacy"]
IDIOT: "Where's your pharmacy?"
J2K: [turns and looks up at the sign] "I think it might be under the big sign that reads 'Pharmacy.'"

That one actually got me written up when they complained.

[ngc_7331]

When I worked at the call center for a four letter furniture store.

I was talking to a customer about under-shelf spotlights. We sold them in packs of one and of two.

Cust: So which one's brighter.
Me: Well, ma'am, I'm going to assume that the two pack is twice as bright as the one.
Customer was silent for a moment then burst out laughing.
Cust: That was kind of a stupid question, wasn't it?

And no, I didn't get in trouble for that. The customer was amused with my answer and pretty embarassed with herself.

[Cosmart Security]

HAHAHA!

Well it is nice atleast when the customer realize it was a dumb question, and don't get pissed at you for it

[Dentarthurdent]

When I worked in a national park that's an island, I got a series of emails, then had this phonecall from the same woman...

Her: What is there to do...can I go canoeing?
Me: Yes, you can, both in <harbor> near the hotel and <other harbor> and in some inland lakes nearby. We have canoes and kayaks available for rent.
Her: What's an inland lake?
Me: It's a lake that's completely surrounded by land, ma'am. There are quite a few of them on the island. If you want to canoe in an inland lake, though, you have to portage your canoe.
Her: What do you mean, portage?
Me: It means that you pick up the canoe and carry it, ma'am.
Her: Do you have people who can do that for me?
Me: Uh...no, we don't.

[An Haddock]

*I have a laptop in multiple pieces on the counter in front of me, random person walks in*
"Do you work on laptops?"


We used to be open six days a week - every day but Monday. For six years I had this conversation at least once a day:

"What days are you open?"
"We're open every day of the week except Mondays."
"Oh... so I can't bring my computer in until Tuesday..."
*let's just say it was Saturday when they called*
"You can't bring it in tomorrow?" (Sunday)
"Oh - you're open Sundays?"
*facepalm*


"My computer doesn't work. How much is it to fix it?"
"That's impossible to say until we see it and run some diagnostics."
"You can't give me an exact price?"
"Not sight unseen, no."


"I'm having a problem with my computer."
"Okay... bring it on in and we'll have a look."
"Well, see, the problem is <this this this and that> - how do I fix that?"
*since I'm very much in favor of staying in business and paying bills:
"We'll need to see the computer - we can't diagnose over the phone."
"Oh, okay... I'll try somewhere else." *click*
Yeah, good luck finding free tech support, cheap douche.

[Ironclad Alibi]

"Do you have (Brand X) cigarettes?
"yes"
"I want a carton"
::: I look::::
"I'm sorry, I don't have a carton, I only have 8 packs"
"I'll take them! Can I get the carton price?"
::: Okay, so you want to pay the price for 10 packs (a carton) and only get 8 packs?:::

Since you don't sell cigarettes by the carton, how can you have a carton price?

Oops, I'm using logic again.

[Bright_Star]

"How do I leave the store?"...I said.."How did you come in?"...They said.."Don't be a smart ass"

[Athaelia]

At the Sports Bar:

Customer: How much does a 2 ounces of ranch dressing cost?
Me: 69 cents.
Customer: How big is it?
Me: ....... *uuugh*

[ExArtShopSlave]

I got this gem once:

Me: Thank you for calling 'Awesome Art Supplies! We have a special on <insert generic paint brand here> this week! How may I help you?
Customer: I would like to buy a clock. Do you sell clocks?
Me: .....Ummm.....no. We sell art supplies!
Customer: .......Uh.....? Do you sell clocks?
Me: No, I am afraid we do not! We sell ART SUPPLIES!
Customer.....Uh, no clock?
Me: No. Sorry. ART SUPPLIES!
Customer.....Um...clocks?
Me: ......
Customer: Where can I buy a clock?
Me: ....Maybe try Walmart?
Customer:.....Uh....<click>

Gravekeeper, I think one of your customers fled the looney bin and settled into Toronto!

-ExArtShopSlave

[MoonCat]

Here's one I witnessed years ago at Woolworth's. This lady was at the lunch counter ordering a hot dog. For some reason they used to boil the hot dogs before putting them on the grill to brown them. They had stuff like chopped onions, tomatoes and sauerkraut ready to go as condiments.

Lady: "I'd like a hot dog with sauerkraut, please."
Counter guy: "Sure, but I'll have to cook one for you, we don't have any ready." (late in the day).
Lady: "Okay, but don't put the sauerkraut in there with it."

Yes...she told him not to put the sauerkraut into the water. Why she thought he would do that, I have no idea. He looked at her like she had 3 heads but was very polite in telling her that he wouldn't do that. She actually told him this TWICE. I kept envisioning a spoonful of saurkraut being dumped into the boiling water and floating all over.

ETA: Not a question, more of a request...just thought it was stupid...

[RealUnimportant]

*customer walks up to counter, eyes track over signs affixed to window between them & us that carry explicit detail about one of our primary services*
"Do you do *some part of our primary services*?"

*customer queues for 10 minutes before reaching the window*
"What time is the next train to..."
*I look over their shoulder at the information screen with all scheduled departure times on to answer their question*
(bonus points if they try dodging into my view in the mistaken belief I'm trying a strange method of forming eye contact)
(double bonus if they missed their train by queuing)

"I need a card to travel around all day... Do you do anything like that?"
"You mean a Travelcard?"
Yes, this is the official brand name, it's writ large across all such tickets... And people can't remember it!

"Those All Day Travelcards, what time do they start working?"
"The minute you buy one."
(We have 2 different price tiers, many people assume that these are only available during the cheaper travel times... However that one has a different name to help avoid just this kind of confusion!)

There's more, but without greater knowledge of the industry they'd seem pettier for you than they feel to me

ETA: just had another of the more generic ones:
*while leaning on the counter, next to the card reader/chip&PIN machine*
"Do you take cards?"

[vikingchyk]

Here's one I witnessed years ago at Woolworth's. This lady was at the lunch counter ordering a hot dog. For some reason they used to boil the hot dogs before putting them on the grill to brown them.

This is easy to explain, since I just messed this up yesterday - boiling them first makes sure they are heated through. If you just throw them on the grill, especially straight from the fridge, you'd have to incinerate the outside them to get them warm in center. So sad, the grill marks were perfect last night. The insides - bleah, not even lukewarm