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Another disgusting retail encounter...(rather long)
Hi all! I know I haven't been around at all for a very long time, but it's been a bit of an awful year for me.
That being said, I am still working the same job as a register jockey/peon/buyer at a jewelry/craft/gift store. It is mostly pretty nice, what with most customers being lulled into a calm, relaxed state by being surrounded by beautiful things, but as you all know, even the most wonderful of environments can harbor jackasses and disgusting people. The following story involves the latter.
On Wednesday, I experienced one of the most foul experiences of my (far too) long retail career. It was even more disgusting than the time I put in an earring for a woman and her ear hole spewed pus. More disgusting than the time I found human excrement on the rug at the video store and had to clean it up. Yup. This one was one for the record books.
Picture if you will, a 20 something redneck male. He bursts in to the store and yells "You got any wedding rings?" I tell him that we do, and proceed to lead him to the ring selection. He reeks of cigarettes, B.O. and something unholy and fetid that I can't quite place. He also can't seem to shut his jaw, as it just hangs there off his face, like some limp, vestigial appendage. Then, his bride-to-be walks in and joins us. Suddenly, the heretofore unnamed stench washed over me like a foul miasma. As if the smell of her wasn't bad enough, the sight of her was equally as unpleasant to behold. Her shirt failed miserably at covering the stretch-marked paunch that hung over her too-tight pants. And speaking of those pants...that poor collection of threads just couldn't rise to the occasion of covering the 6 inches of ass crack that displayed on her posterior. Bride-to-be quickly decided that she didn't like any of the wedding bands that we had to offer and opted instead for some body jewelry (a logical next step). The couple made their way over to the display of nose rings and called for me to help them. They were sort of laying across the case as I approached, allowing for a larger expanse of ass crack to be visible. That was when I noticed all the crusty stuff that lived in that crevasse. I dry heaved for about the second time during this whole ordeal. Oh, but it was about to get worse. Much worse. Bride-to-be made some jewelry choices and as I pulled them out of the case for her, the two of them stood very close behind me and I heard the following conversation:
Bride-to-be: "Do you want to go somewhere else to look for rings?"
Redneck Male: "Oh, you KNOW what I want!"
And then it happened. They started making out. Right behind me. RIGHT behind me. I couldn't move. The stench was nauseating. And the cherry on the top of all of this was the sound. I could hear their tongues slapping together like sickly leeches.
Dear gawd, that sound will haunt me forever. I have never, ever in my life wanted to run screaming from a store as badly as I did at that moment. I don't really remember the rest of the transaction, as I barely looked either one of them in the eye. I did notice the gigantic wad of cash that Bride-to-be pulled out of her purse and I wondered why in the world she didn't use some of that money to buy some soap and a pair of pants that fit. I may never know the answer to that question.
I'm sorry to have subjected you all to this. I just had to vent...
That being said, I am still working the same job as a register jockey/peon/buyer at a jewelry/craft/gift store. It is mostly pretty nice, what with most customers being lulled into a calm, relaxed state by being surrounded by beautiful things, but as you all know, even the most wonderful of environments can harbor jackasses and disgusting people. The following story involves the latter.
On Wednesday, I experienced one of the most foul experiences of my (far too) long retail career. It was even more disgusting than the time I put in an earring for a woman and her ear hole spewed pus. More disgusting than the time I found human excrement on the rug at the video store and had to clean it up. Yup. This one was one for the record books.
Picture if you will, a 20 something redneck male. He bursts in to the store and yells "You got any wedding rings?" I tell him that we do, and proceed to lead him to the ring selection. He reeks of cigarettes, B.O. and something unholy and fetid that I can't quite place. He also can't seem to shut his jaw, as it just hangs there off his face, like some limp, vestigial appendage. Then, his bride-to-be walks in and joins us. Suddenly, the heretofore unnamed stench washed over me like a foul miasma. As if the smell of her wasn't bad enough, the sight of her was equally as unpleasant to behold. Her shirt failed miserably at covering the stretch-marked paunch that hung over her too-tight pants. And speaking of those pants...that poor collection of threads just couldn't rise to the occasion of covering the 6 inches of ass crack that displayed on her posterior. Bride-to-be quickly decided that she didn't like any of the wedding bands that we had to offer and opted instead for some body jewelry (a logical next step). The couple made their way over to the display of nose rings and called for me to help them. They were sort of laying across the case as I approached, allowing for a larger expanse of ass crack to be visible. That was when I noticed all the crusty stuff that lived in that crevasse. I dry heaved for about the second time during this whole ordeal. Oh, but it was about to get worse. Much worse. Bride-to-be made some jewelry choices and as I pulled them out of the case for her, the two of them stood very close behind me and I heard the following conversation:
Bride-to-be: "Do you want to go somewhere else to look for rings?"
Redneck Male: "Oh, you KNOW what I want!"
And then it happened. They started making out. Right behind me. RIGHT behind me. I couldn't move. The stench was nauseating. And the cherry on the top of all of this was the sound. I could hear their tongues slapping together like sickly leeches.
Dear gawd, that sound will haunt me forever. I have never, ever in my life wanted to run screaming from a store as badly as I did at that moment. I don't really remember the rest of the transaction, as I barely looked either one of them in the eye. I did notice the gigantic wad of cash that Bride-to-be pulled out of her purse and I wondered why in the world she didn't use some of that money to buy some soap and a pair of pants that fit. I may never know the answer to that question. I'm sorry to have subjected you all to this. I just had to vent...
Pray that they at least have the decency not to breed. >-<
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