The higher up they are, the stupider they get

[Blade_Raver]

It didn't start out sucky and stupid, but it did later on!

The cast never ends. 2 people:

ME -
SC - The deliverer of grief and frustration (Company ticketing system shows that SC is in the company's IT department as a Level 3 Systems Engineer. Translation - He resolves server issues and makes at least 3x my salary.)

ME - Helpdesk, Blade_Raver speaking.
SC - Blade, I can't get into VPN.

My thoughts are in italics.

I go through the troubleshooting..

Disable proxy settings, he can surf internet fine.

20 mins into troubleshooting, he drops this gem:

SC: It prompts me to login, I put in my login credentials and then it prompts for me to put them in again and repeats until after it gives me an error.

I check the logs and have him try to login. The log doesn't show any communication from him. Issue now isolated to a defective VPN client.

I have him go into add/remove programs and repair it then reboot.
After reboot (painfully slow process because company loads their laptops up with a bunch of shit that the hardware is nowhere near geared for running simultaneously. A 15-30 minute reboot process is not uncommon here.)

After reboot, checked web connection (it works) and then tried VPN again. This time it hangs after typing login info. Corrupted profile.

Okay, no problem, send an email to his external email address with the pcf files and then walk him through replacing the old ones on his machine with the new ones.. and then the problem starts. Consider almost every one of his replies stressed in a way that reflects impatience and rudeness.

SC: How can you email me the files when I can't login to VPN?
ME: I can email them to an external email address. Can you access webmail on your private email address?
SC: No, I only have 1 computer that can access my personal email and that's it.
ME: (Wonders how this is possible.) What's your personal email address?
SC: (username) at (major telco company).com
ME: Okay, I'm sure (major telco company) has a webmail portal you can login to from this laptop. All I have to do is email you the pcf files and....
SC: No! I don't know how to. I'm not computer savvy.
ME: (WTF? Are you shitting me?) You don't know how to access webmail on the (major telco company).com site?
SC: No. I don't. I don't want to know how to either.
ME: (Ignorant asshole! You don't deserve to be in IT!) Okay, let's use our company's webmail site then.

I walk him through the webmail site for the company. I upload the files via email.
He copies them. Still doesn't work.
I walked him through uninstalling VPN and then reinstalling it. He couldn't get the zip file to open when I emailed him the VPN client in a zip file. (WTF?)

SC: Can you just remote into my machine and fix it?
ME: You have to be connected into VPN for me to be able to remote to your machine.
SC: Oh.. Then can I just drop by your desk and have you deal with it?
ME: (How can someone as incompetent as you not know how to open a .zip file?) Company policy forbids it, but in the case as you are on-call for your support group, go ahead and come up.

I give him directions and call back # and also alert company security letting them know of him coming in and to allow access.

2 hours rolls around and still no sign of this guy. I check my incoming phone logs, and call him back.

ME: This is Blade at Company Helpdesk. Are you ok?
SC: Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just going to come in when I get a call.
ME: Understood. Please call me before you come up so I can prepare you a network connection and also don't forget to bring the laptop's power supply.
SC: Power supply? What's that?
ME: (At this point, nothing suprises me anymore.) The power cord that you plug your laptop in so it stays charged.
SC: Ohhh ok.
ME: Thanks, have a good one.
SC: Ok. Bye.

3-4 hours of my time, wasted. ARGGHHH!!

Let's also include that there were calls missed while I was talking to him (because I'm the only one here and I only have 1 line that people can ring into.)

This was a pure example of ignorance, arrogance, and stupidity.

[Akasa]

I want to stab his eyes out w/ a dull spoon. An EXTRA dull spoon.

[technical.angel]

That's pretty darn bad. Really pretty darn bad.

[Blade_Raver]

Fate couldn't spare me any mercy tonight. He called back in again.

This time he's at a company site.

More gems from that conversation ensue:

ME: Okay, I'll connect to you remotely. What's the name of your computer?
SC: My what?
ME: The network name of your computer.
SC: I have no idea.
ME: Okay, right click on My Computer, and click....
SC: I opened it. Now what?
ME: Click properties.
SC: I don't see a properties. I see my network drives.
ME: Did you right click on My Computer?
SC: No I double clicked on it.
ME: Close the window, and instead of double clicking on it, right click on it.
SC: Okay.
ME: Click the computer name tab.
SC: Which one? Left or Right?
ME: Assume all clicks are left unless I state right.
SC: Okay. I did.
ME: In the computer name field, read me everything up to the first dot.
SC: (computername) dot.

So.. I get remoted into his machine. I saw that the zip file that he couldn't unzip was saved as an HTML file. He saved the email as an HTML file instead of saving the attachment! OMG!

I install the software needed to unzip files, then install the VPN software.

Test connect to VPN and it works right.

Okay, you'd think after that we're done.. but nooooooo!

SC: Okay, what next?
ME: It works, we're finished.
SC: Nu uh, it's not fixed.
ME: What do you mean? All we have to do is have you go back home and reconnect and try it.
SC: I want proof that it's going to work at home before I go home.
ME: I guess we can try the guest wireless network and see if it works.

The dialogue gets long and boring, but here's some of the main points that came from it:

- He refers to the ethernet/network cable as "That yellow cable."
- He doesn't understand what IP addresses are.
- He didn't know that the company has a wireless network for guests.

Bottom line, he had to take his laptop home and connect to his home network then try VPN to ensure it works correctly. If it doesn't work, call back.

After telling this to him 3-4 different times he finally got the clue and decided to do so... but not without a parting shot.

SC: I work 6p-6a, so I'll have to call you on a night off.
ME: I work nights and I have another co-worker that works nights. You're welcome to call here 24/7.
SC: Okay, this is still an inconvenience. Thank you. Bye.

[Geek King]

I just realized something. Anyone else getting the idea this guy is a UNIX admin? He's fitting all the bad stereotypes. Does he wear suspenders and smoke a pipe?

[Samaliel]

And THIS is supposed to be a goshdarn friggin' IT Systems Engineer? What kind of system does he work on? Stone circles? Knotted strings?

Seriously, he's so bad you'd have to find a bloody quantic version of Peter's Principle for him to even fit in!

[Broomjockey]

I just realized something. Anyone else getting the idea this guy is a UNIX admin?

First post says the guy is a server fixer, so I suppose it's not completely out of the realm of reality. My question is, how does this guy fix servers without knowing what an IP is? I have to imagine effective server troubleshooting would include a basic knowledge of assigned IP pools and such.

[Samaliel]

Oh dear, I missed that part...

If incompetency was a superpower, he would be able to compete with Galactus.

[otakuneko]

Holy japanese pink dreadlock jesus juggling on a unicycle, and I thought the engineer that couldn't figure out zip files that my dad worked with was bad.

This guy must have been doing some pretty embarassing things to get his position. He obviously didn't earn it.

I just realized something. Anyone else getting the idea this guy is a UNIX admin? He's fitting all the bad stereotypes.

Something tells me this guy thinks UNIX are guys with no parts.

Besides I'd like to think even a 'nix admin who's never touched a gui in his life would be more competent than this. After all, he'd know how to access his ISP email using pine.

[protege]

Does he wear suspenders and smoke a pipe?

Crack is more likely...

Seriously, how the hell did this guy get, and keep his job? He can't even handle simple concepts (IP addys, zip files, etc.) yet is probably a level or two up the food chain? Pardon my French, but how the fuck is that even possible?

Actually, I *know* how it's possible. He either knows (or is um, "doing") someone further up the food chain. One can only hope that he'll trash the server somehow, and not be able to fix it

[trailerparkmedic]

This makes me sad for the people he supports.

I know more than him and I'm a complete idiot when compared to my server admins.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

I'm not computer savvy in the least but...the fuck?

Fail IT engineer has failed. Epicly.

[Naaman]

Crack is more likely...

Seriously, how the hell did this guy get, and keep his job? He can't even handle simple concepts (IP addys, zip files, etc.) yet is probably a level or two up the food chain? Pardon my French, but how the fuck is that even possible?

I'd guess bootcamp MCSEs and the ability to oil up quick when the boss is near

[sld72382]

Methinks he got his job from spouting some big buzzwords to his future boss or being buddy buddy with him.

[42_42_42]

Damn. I'm an freaking English major who substitute teaches elemenatry school and bakes cakes and cookies for a living and *I* was able to follow all that and understand what you wanted done and would've been able to do it. Guess that means I'm over-qualified for that douchewaffle's job.