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My real name. That means someone wants me to do something for them, that's the only reason my coworkers even bother talking to me.
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"I don't have an anger problem I have an idiot problem!" - Hank Hill
When in deadly danger, when beset by doubt, run around in little circles, wave your arms and shout! -
Coming from the database guy:
"Oops..." [Very real]Comment
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LOL I did one myself once, to freak out my coworkers.
One day, randomly, I turned on the intercom on our drive thru headsets (only my coworkers could hear me) and I blurted out, "I like cheese."
My reason? I was eating some string cheese and thought I'd share my feelings on it.
When I walked back out on the main floor, one of my coworkers gave me a completely creeped out and confused look. It was priceless.
Here's your sign...Comment
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"Uh-oh...."
*Crash!*, *Thud!*, or *Rrrrrrriiiiiip!*
*Splortch!* Accompanied by the aroma of freshly-filled diaper.
All real, sadly, from my most recent "job" as stay-at-home-mom."Enough expository banter. It's time we fight like men. And ladies. And ladies who dress like men. For Gilgamesh...IT'S MORPHING TIME!"
- Gilgamesh, Final Fantasy VComment
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From customers:
"My internet's down... again."
"Why can't I order my porn?"
"You got a real purty voice hon."
"I don't want to work with you! The last rep and I troubleshot for 45 minutes, his name was Generic, connect me to him!"
From coworkers:
"(State) is down tonight."
All real, all too often.Comment
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"That guy we refused to do a refund for just told me he has a bomb in his bag" Trust me. Very real.
"<Work Spiel> This is funny speaking" Serves me right for watching something funny on youtube just before answering a call.Send in the Squirrels!Comment
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"Gather up your stuff and go home."Unseen but seeing
oh dear, now they're masquerading as sane-KiaKat
There isn't enough interpretive dance in the workplace these days-Irv
3rd shift needs love, too
RIP, mo bhrionglóidComment
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"Corporate says they can't find the account application or the $100,000 check." Alarmingly realComment
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Um...I'm leaving for the day. Here, take the IT cell. AT&T might call back. Help them if you can. (real--I don't think I can help with rectal-crainial infarctions.
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The Rich keep getting richer because they keep doing what it was that made them rich. Ditto the Poor.
"Hy kan tell dey is schmot qvestions, dey is makink my head hurt."
Hoc spatio locantur.Comment
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Hey! There are armed police with really big guns out there. (real)
'Feeel ze PUUUUUMP!' (real)Deepak Chopra says, "Fear deprives people of choice. Fear shrinks the world into isolated, defensive enclaves. Fear spirals out of control. Fear makes everyday life seem clouded over with danger.Comment
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"Ok, we need everyone gathered together in one place while we conduct the search and siezure. And we'll need to have private interviews with some of you."
"There's a gun in that office, so we need to go through there and then lock the door."
Both disturbingly real.
^-.-^Faith is about what you do. It's about aspiring to be better and nobler and kinder than you are. It's about making sacrifices for the good of others. - DresdenComment
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"Ask me that again and I will make sure you never work this shift again"
*Real* Saind by my manager, the second day I worked alone with her........
The offending question?..... "Hey how much longer until we can do some drops?" This was the second time I asked her anything about drops. I only said anything because I was sitting on about 500 dollars in drawer.
Yeah, not exactly how you want your boss to react to something like that.Comment
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From the back of my puter shop...
"Quick!! Get the baking soda!!!"
It was me of course
"I reject your reality and substitute my own"....Adam Savage-Mythbuster
Must remember to stop using "brain of death" on slower morons.... I meant customers.Comment
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"Where's the fire extinguisher?"
I'm sure it was real, somewhere.You're focusing on the problem. If you focus on the problem, you can't see the solution. Never focus on the problem! --From Patch AdamsComment
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"Hey LambChop? Are computers supposed to smoke like that?" (Very real. Used to part time in the tech shop at one of my jobs. I walked into the shop after this question to see a steady stream of smoke pouring out of a laptop. Apparently, whoever had opened it up dropped a bit of their lunch, closed it up, and then left the laptop on. Thankfully, we saved it and the customer was none-the-wiser...though she did ask about the 'funny smell.' >__>
And my personal favorite:
"*BANG* *CRASH* Medic!" (Real)Some people are like slinkies,
They don't really serve a purpose,
But they still bring a smile to your face
When you push them down the stairs.
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