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The Best of "Subway Rants" (long)
Over the course of working at Subway I have compiled 6 volumes worth of Subway Rants to help me from going absolutely batty. It's a way of releasing my pent up anger from work in a ranty and brutally honest way.
Most of these rants have to do with the utter stupidity and sheer rudeness that we get from SCs. Hope you like them.
Warning: Some Strong language.
Customers on Cell phones.
-Pretty self explainatory. And so annoying that it's the first thing on my list of bitching. When you walk into a place where you are expected to be alert so I can take your order properly, one of the rudest, if not THE rudest thing you can do is to continue talking on your fucking cell phone during the process. If you are on your little Nokia talking to someone about a sandwich order, that's fine for the most part. But if you are one of those people that will continue talking on their cell phone to someone that has nothing to do with getting their sandwich order, or they call up and you don't tell them to call back later, please leave and get some manners immediately. It's very inconsiderate.
Not telling me initially that you wanted more than one sandwich.
-This is extremely aggrivating. For those of you who like ordering multiple sandwiches on one trip, take notes right now. When you say your first order and I make it all up for you and am on my way to the register to ring you up, it's very gray hair inducing when the next thing you say is "I want more sandwiches." ESPECIALLY when there is a line of people waiting. For the love of all things holy, people, TELL me right off the bat how many sandwiches you are getting! This isn't so much of a problem for people who come in together as I already know they are getting more than one thing, but this is for individuals who come in expecting a million sandwiches.
Not answering my "do you want mayo or mustard?" question and immediately telling me what veggies you want instead.
-There is a fucking reason why we ask you if you want mayo or mustard. This does not mean to just not answer the question if you do not want it. It makes me think you didn't hear me so I will ask it again. It's a very simple concept but apparently there are people out there who are lacking greatly in common sense. After me asking you "do you want mayo or mustard", a simple no would suffice if you don't want any, and THEN tell me what veggies you want. Not the "let's just not say anything if I don't want it" game. It's also very annoying that on top of one not answering me, they tell me "I wanted mayo and mustard on that" when I'm done with their veggies and sometimes I have to re open their damn sandwich(s) again because they FAILED to tell me when I initially asked them.
People who change their minds on what sandwich they want after we have already made it.
-Yes, this happens more often than we would like, and it's VERY aggrivating when it does happen. Very few things piss us off more than being a wishy washy retard and changing your mind after we have already went through the trouble of making and also toasting your Chicken Bacon Ranch sandwich. Not only is it annoying, but it's also very wasteful.
People who say they want "everything" for veggies but then yell "NO (insert veggie here)!" after I put it on their sandwich.
-You would think that this wouldnt, or shouldnt happen at all.......BUT IT DOES! People really ARE that stupid! They will tell me they want everything, but then when I get to a certain thing and put it on their sandwich, for once giving someone the benefit of the doubt in knowing what they are doing, and then WHAM! "NO OLIVES!" flies out at me from through the plexiglass. Apparently in their feeble minds, that still constitutes as "everything."
People who act all suprised and pissed off when we tell them we're closed and we can no longer serve them. (when it's 5 minutes past closing time)
-Picture this. It's 10:05 pm; we have our "OPEN" sign turned off; we even have our hours posted on the outside of the store, and some random lady walks in fully expecting us to cater to her demand. We tell her "sorry, but we are closed now" and then she acts all suprised that we would actually be closed at a time past our closing time and starts getting bitchy. (Note, we cannot lock our doors from the inside so locking people out is not an option at our store, as much as we wish we could lock the doors from the inside) Those people need to fuck off, plz.
Screaming/Unruly kids and the idiots who are their parents.
-This one's almost as self-explanatory as the Cell Phones one in Volume 1. If you are a parent who brings their flaming brat into our store and lets it run around slamming their hands on our displays/fucking with our drink cups/be unruly as hell/without scolding it or getting it to stop, then you need to castrate yourself immediately. Nothing pisses me off more than a bunch of New Age hippy parents who don't believe in properly disciplining their kids when they act like little shits in public.
People who don't tell us they have Subway cards until AFTER we have already rung their order up.
-You think people would be smart enough to have their cards ready to go by the time they hand us their money, but they're not. I will give people credit, though. Most of them are right on top of it and hand us their cards with their payment, but there are some out there who think it would be a bright idea to let us know they have a card after it's already rung up, and then get all snooty because our computer operating system wont allow us to put points on the card from their order after it's been payed for. Well, buddy, you snooze, you lose! You should have been more on top of handing us your card.
People who say what veggies they want when I had just gotten the bread they asked for.
-This is really aggrivating because people assume we care enough about what veggies you want enough to store it in our memory banks a long time before we get to veggies (when we have countless other questions to ask you before we do veggies) I only make exception to this if they are trying to remember someone elses' order and repeating it out is the only way to remember in time. but if that's not the case, shut the fuck up on your veggies until I'm over there. It's basic common sense.
People who get suprised when their shit costs a lot after they practically buy the whole store.
-For the love of God, you just ordered 7 foot longs all with meals and some extra cookies. Of course it's going to cost a shitload. Don't assume I rung it up wrong and get all pissy eyeballing the reciept EXPECTING to find a fuckup somewhere made by me. Maybe that will teach you not to breed so much that you'd have to buy the whole store and give us a bunch of extra prep to do later on because you have basically depleted all of our supplies.
People who reply with "yes" after I ask if you want a 6 inch or a foot long.
-When I ask you if you want a 6 inch or a foot long, the correct answer isn't "yes". The correct answer is "6 inch" or "foot long". This happens more often than you would think. People are stupid, what can you say.
People who go stand way at the other end of the store right after they tell me what type of sandwich and bread they want so I have to keep asking them what else they want on their sandwich from way over there.
-It's really annoying when people do this. It's common sense to be there with me so it's easy to see what I'm doing to your sandwich and so I can easilly access you on what you want on it. But after telling me what type you want and to then stand way on the other side of the store has got to be not only one of the most stupid, but inconsiderate things to do next to talking on your cell phone while ordering.
People who put their change on the counter instead of handing it to me.
-Why do people insist on doing this? Seriously! If I'm in a hurry to get back to what I was doing in the back room, it's very anger inducing that you put 2 dollars worth of change right on the counter so it's extremely hard to pick up and ring you up. Our counters are stainless steel so it's like the change sticks itself right to the counter. Stop doing that.
The fact that people always come in groups. Always.
-This phenomenon is about as mysterious as how the Egypitan pyramids were made. Why in the hell do people ALWAYS show up in groups (people that are not related in any way to the next) even when it's not a rush period? I will never understand this. I always imagine in my head that people are just that sheeplike to actually wait in their cars until one person comes in, and then the rest all come in.
People who go up to the cash register thinking they order there when we have HANGING SIGNS posted in our store on where to order and where to pay.
-We get this almost at least once a day. We actually have signs in big bold large letters that say "order here" and "pay here" in their respective spots, yet people still have problems.
People who get pissy when certain coupons don't work at our store.
-Breaking news, ladies and gentlemen. Not all coupons work at the same stores! And before you bitch at us, it's not our fault, but the owner's! It's not our fault that our owner has not decided to add that coupon button to our computers yet, and maybe if you read the back of some of those coupons that list the Subways they DO work in, you wouldn't have the need for a drama episode. (there are coupons that only work for certain subways and have the ones that they work in listed on the back of them).
People who expect to get a 3 foot or 6 foot party sub made for them on the spot.
-For one thing it's physically and scientifically impossible for that to happen. Why you ask? Because it takes at least 30 minutes for us to braid the bread we use for it. (we make the brad a certain way) And then an extra 2 hour minimum to get the bread risen and then baked + cooled off. So do not expect your party sub order to be done in front of your face in 10 minutes. If you think we are bullshitting about us needing a 24 hour notice, then we can hand you the phone to call the manager. She will tell you the same damn thing. Don't go standing in front of us saying "that's bullshit!" like some people have done before.
People who expect things to look just like the pictures.
-We actually get this so called "request" very often. I guess much more people don't know jack shit about advertising and marketing as I had originally thought. Lady who just asked me to make your sandwich just like that picture behind me: You do realize that those images are more heavily manipulated/airbrushed/photoshopped than that supermodel on the cover of your Cosmopolitan magazine, right? Not only is the following true for those "perfect pictures", the food used in them may or may not even be real food! Oh, and would you like your sandwich 2D as well to make it UBER authentic?
People who don't tell you they wanted bacon with it until the sandwich is almost finished.
- I will tell you why. Because people get a sadistic pleasure in making our jobs as shitty as possible to make them feel better about themselves. (my theory at least). It makes absolutely no sense to NOT let us know when we start making the sandwich that you would like to have bacon added onto it as well. For one thing it makes you get your sandwich faster. One could say that it was a spontanious decision but it just happens far to often to be just that. You can tell in their voices that they knew all along that they wanted to have bacon on it. Oh, and to the lovely people who do that, you just made me press the "add bacon" button on the computer for you to make the price higher. No extra charge for people who tell me initially at the start.
People who come in wanting a shitload of sandwiches in the middle of a rush who don't call the order in instead.
- You know, "Mr. order for your entire family tree in one go", we would REALLY appreciate it if you called in that fat fuck of an order a minimum of 30 minutes in advance so we actually have time to get it done for you before we arrive instead of you being an inconsiderate jackass and holding up the line for the other people behind you who want considerably less sandwiches during this lunch/dinner rush. Extra shit points to the ones who bitch at us when we bring it up that it would have been much better to call it in to make the process easier and faster for both sides involved.
People who lose THEIR Subway cards and then throw a fit when we cannot make it magically appear in front of them or replenish lost points.
- We can only repeat ourselves so many times. Our computers are specifically designed to where we can't manually add points to any Subway cards no matter how long you bitch and moan for us to do so. You want to know why our computers can't do it? It's because the big bad Subway corporation in the tallest building in your tallest city knew that this special ability would be abused by their Subway minions (us) and we would have free point adding orgies to Subway cards all over the place. (thus losing them money because that's all they care about in the long run) So the moral of the story is to keep track of your own fucking cards as we are not paid to be babysitters of your forgotten or misplaced Subway cards.
People who add more to an orginal order (at the end of course) and then end up not having enough money for the extra stuff after I went through the trouble of making it.
- This REALLy chaps my ass. It doesn't happen "all" the time but enough times for me to add it to Subway Rants Volume 4. It's like getting fucked over twice in one go. First you tell me you want more shit when I'm about to ring you up and then after I make it you start shifting through your money and end up not having enough for the extra I just went out of my way to go make for you. God damnit that pisses me off! Moral of the story: Don't order more than you can afford. (Common sense 101)
The "Well, the other Subway does/has it!" people.
-*NEWSFLASH* Not all Subways carry the same things! You mad that we don't have Swiss cheese or mushrooms on the menu? Get over it.
"I'll have an *Italian*"
- Let me explain this one for a second, and I assure you after you know the details of this problem you will agree in an instant that this deserves top spot on any Subway Rants list. The problem with this sentence is that we have *various* things in our store that equals "an Italian." First of all, we have a bread choice that is an Italian, and THEN, we have two different types of "Italian" sandwiches. The Italian BMT and then the Spicy Italian. I really really dislike it when people say they want an "Italian" because they could mean any of these several things I just listed. And then God help us if we choose the wrong one.
People who say they want "double meat" but don't want to pay for it:
-It's amazing how many people are out there who think the rules don't apply to *them* for some reason. Especially when our menu board says how much extra the double meat is. I love it when I ring them up and they suddenly get this shocked expression of horror as if they didn't expect it coming. I get sadistic pleasure out of it because they had it coming. Even more bonus points if they angrily snatch the receipt, sneer over it, and then angrily grumble away because there was nothing wrong in the receipt.
Subway Card idiots 2.0:
-You would think something so simple as a Subway card wouldn't cause so many fucking problems, but it does. Ranging from the "I'm going to forget to hand them my Subway card with my payment and then make a scene when their computers cannot add the points after the transaction" to "I'm going to hand them my Suwbay card and just stand there like an idiot and not tell them that I already have some money on the card instead of paying with the point system."
The rest will be posted later. (I exceeded the character limit) Keep in mind that this was nearly 2 years in the making and covers 6 volumes worth of rants.
Most of these rants have to do with the utter stupidity and sheer rudeness that we get from SCs. Hope you like them.
Warning: Some Strong language.
Customers on Cell phones.
-Pretty self explainatory. And so annoying that it's the first thing on my list of bitching. When you walk into a place where you are expected to be alert so I can take your order properly, one of the rudest, if not THE rudest thing you can do is to continue talking on your fucking cell phone during the process. If you are on your little Nokia talking to someone about a sandwich order, that's fine for the most part. But if you are one of those people that will continue talking on their cell phone to someone that has nothing to do with getting their sandwich order, or they call up and you don't tell them to call back later, please leave and get some manners immediately. It's very inconsiderate.
Not telling me initially that you wanted more than one sandwich.
-This is extremely aggrivating. For those of you who like ordering multiple sandwiches on one trip, take notes right now. When you say your first order and I make it all up for you and am on my way to the register to ring you up, it's very gray hair inducing when the next thing you say is "I want more sandwiches." ESPECIALLY when there is a line of people waiting. For the love of all things holy, people, TELL me right off the bat how many sandwiches you are getting! This isn't so much of a problem for people who come in together as I already know they are getting more than one thing, but this is for individuals who come in expecting a million sandwiches.
Not answering my "do you want mayo or mustard?" question and immediately telling me what veggies you want instead.
-There is a fucking reason why we ask you if you want mayo or mustard. This does not mean to just not answer the question if you do not want it. It makes me think you didn't hear me so I will ask it again. It's a very simple concept but apparently there are people out there who are lacking greatly in common sense. After me asking you "do you want mayo or mustard", a simple no would suffice if you don't want any, and THEN tell me what veggies you want. Not the "let's just not say anything if I don't want it" game. It's also very annoying that on top of one not answering me, they tell me "I wanted mayo and mustard on that" when I'm done with their veggies and sometimes I have to re open their damn sandwich(s) again because they FAILED to tell me when I initially asked them.
People who change their minds on what sandwich they want after we have already made it.
-Yes, this happens more often than we would like, and it's VERY aggrivating when it does happen. Very few things piss us off more than being a wishy washy retard and changing your mind after we have already went through the trouble of making and also toasting your Chicken Bacon Ranch sandwich. Not only is it annoying, but it's also very wasteful.
People who say they want "everything" for veggies but then yell "NO (insert veggie here)!" after I put it on their sandwich.
-You would think that this wouldnt, or shouldnt happen at all.......BUT IT DOES! People really ARE that stupid! They will tell me they want everything, but then when I get to a certain thing and put it on their sandwich, for once giving someone the benefit of the doubt in knowing what they are doing, and then WHAM! "NO OLIVES!" flies out at me from through the plexiglass. Apparently in their feeble minds, that still constitutes as "everything."
People who act all suprised and pissed off when we tell them we're closed and we can no longer serve them. (when it's 5 minutes past closing time)
-Picture this. It's 10:05 pm; we have our "OPEN" sign turned off; we even have our hours posted on the outside of the store, and some random lady walks in fully expecting us to cater to her demand. We tell her "sorry, but we are closed now" and then she acts all suprised that we would actually be closed at a time past our closing time and starts getting bitchy. (Note, we cannot lock our doors from the inside so locking people out is not an option at our store, as much as we wish we could lock the doors from the inside) Those people need to fuck off, plz.
Screaming/Unruly kids and the idiots who are their parents.
-This one's almost as self-explanatory as the Cell Phones one in Volume 1. If you are a parent who brings their flaming brat into our store and lets it run around slamming their hands on our displays/fucking with our drink cups/be unruly as hell/without scolding it or getting it to stop, then you need to castrate yourself immediately. Nothing pisses me off more than a bunch of New Age hippy parents who don't believe in properly disciplining their kids when they act like little shits in public.
People who don't tell us they have Subway cards until AFTER we have already rung their order up.
-You think people would be smart enough to have their cards ready to go by the time they hand us their money, but they're not. I will give people credit, though. Most of them are right on top of it and hand us their cards with their payment, but there are some out there who think it would be a bright idea to let us know they have a card after it's already rung up, and then get all snooty because our computer operating system wont allow us to put points on the card from their order after it's been payed for. Well, buddy, you snooze, you lose! You should have been more on top of handing us your card.
People who say what veggies they want when I had just gotten the bread they asked for.
-This is really aggrivating because people assume we care enough about what veggies you want enough to store it in our memory banks a long time before we get to veggies (when we have countless other questions to ask you before we do veggies) I only make exception to this if they are trying to remember someone elses' order and repeating it out is the only way to remember in time. but if that's not the case, shut the fuck up on your veggies until I'm over there. It's basic common sense.
People who get suprised when their shit costs a lot after they practically buy the whole store.
-For the love of God, you just ordered 7 foot longs all with meals and some extra cookies. Of course it's going to cost a shitload. Don't assume I rung it up wrong and get all pissy eyeballing the reciept EXPECTING to find a fuckup somewhere made by me. Maybe that will teach you not to breed so much that you'd have to buy the whole store and give us a bunch of extra prep to do later on because you have basically depleted all of our supplies.
People who reply with "yes" after I ask if you want a 6 inch or a foot long.
-When I ask you if you want a 6 inch or a foot long, the correct answer isn't "yes". The correct answer is "6 inch" or "foot long". This happens more often than you would think. People are stupid, what can you say.
People who go stand way at the other end of the store right after they tell me what type of sandwich and bread they want so I have to keep asking them what else they want on their sandwich from way over there.
-It's really annoying when people do this. It's common sense to be there with me so it's easy to see what I'm doing to your sandwich and so I can easilly access you on what you want on it. But after telling me what type you want and to then stand way on the other side of the store has got to be not only one of the most stupid, but inconsiderate things to do next to talking on your cell phone while ordering.
People who put their change on the counter instead of handing it to me.
-Why do people insist on doing this? Seriously! If I'm in a hurry to get back to what I was doing in the back room, it's very anger inducing that you put 2 dollars worth of change right on the counter so it's extremely hard to pick up and ring you up. Our counters are stainless steel so it's like the change sticks itself right to the counter. Stop doing that.
The fact that people always come in groups. Always.
-This phenomenon is about as mysterious as how the Egypitan pyramids were made. Why in the hell do people ALWAYS show up in groups (people that are not related in any way to the next) even when it's not a rush period? I will never understand this. I always imagine in my head that people are just that sheeplike to actually wait in their cars until one person comes in, and then the rest all come in.
People who go up to the cash register thinking they order there when we have HANGING SIGNS posted in our store on where to order and where to pay.
-We get this almost at least once a day. We actually have signs in big bold large letters that say "order here" and "pay here" in their respective spots, yet people still have problems.
People who get pissy when certain coupons don't work at our store.
-Breaking news, ladies and gentlemen. Not all coupons work at the same stores! And before you bitch at us, it's not our fault, but the owner's! It's not our fault that our owner has not decided to add that coupon button to our computers yet, and maybe if you read the back of some of those coupons that list the Subways they DO work in, you wouldn't have the need for a drama episode. (there are coupons that only work for certain subways and have the ones that they work in listed on the back of them).
People who expect to get a 3 foot or 6 foot party sub made for them on the spot.
-For one thing it's physically and scientifically impossible for that to happen. Why you ask? Because it takes at least 30 minutes for us to braid the bread we use for it. (we make the brad a certain way) And then an extra 2 hour minimum to get the bread risen and then baked + cooled off. So do not expect your party sub order to be done in front of your face in 10 minutes. If you think we are bullshitting about us needing a 24 hour notice, then we can hand you the phone to call the manager. She will tell you the same damn thing. Don't go standing in front of us saying "that's bullshit!" like some people have done before.
People who expect things to look just like the pictures.
-We actually get this so called "request" very often. I guess much more people don't know jack shit about advertising and marketing as I had originally thought. Lady who just asked me to make your sandwich just like that picture behind me: You do realize that those images are more heavily manipulated/airbrushed/photoshopped than that supermodel on the cover of your Cosmopolitan magazine, right? Not only is the following true for those "perfect pictures", the food used in them may or may not even be real food! Oh, and would you like your sandwich 2D as well to make it UBER authentic?
People who don't tell you they wanted bacon with it until the sandwich is almost finished.
- I will tell you why. Because people get a sadistic pleasure in making our jobs as shitty as possible to make them feel better about themselves. (my theory at least). It makes absolutely no sense to NOT let us know when we start making the sandwich that you would like to have bacon added onto it as well. For one thing it makes you get your sandwich faster. One could say that it was a spontanious decision but it just happens far to often to be just that. You can tell in their voices that they knew all along that they wanted to have bacon on it. Oh, and to the lovely people who do that, you just made me press the "add bacon" button on the computer for you to make the price higher. No extra charge for people who tell me initially at the start.
People who come in wanting a shitload of sandwiches in the middle of a rush who don't call the order in instead.
- You know, "Mr. order for your entire family tree in one go", we would REALLY appreciate it if you called in that fat fuck of an order a minimum of 30 minutes in advance so we actually have time to get it done for you before we arrive instead of you being an inconsiderate jackass and holding up the line for the other people behind you who want considerably less sandwiches during this lunch/dinner rush. Extra shit points to the ones who bitch at us when we bring it up that it would have been much better to call it in to make the process easier and faster for both sides involved.
People who lose THEIR Subway cards and then throw a fit when we cannot make it magically appear in front of them or replenish lost points.
- We can only repeat ourselves so many times. Our computers are specifically designed to where we can't manually add points to any Subway cards no matter how long you bitch and moan for us to do so. You want to know why our computers can't do it? It's because the big bad Subway corporation in the tallest building in your tallest city knew that this special ability would be abused by their Subway minions (us) and we would have free point adding orgies to Subway cards all over the place. (thus losing them money because that's all they care about in the long run) So the moral of the story is to keep track of your own fucking cards as we are not paid to be babysitters of your forgotten or misplaced Subway cards.
People who add more to an orginal order (at the end of course) and then end up not having enough money for the extra stuff after I went through the trouble of making it.
- This REALLy chaps my ass. It doesn't happen "all" the time but enough times for me to add it to Subway Rants Volume 4. It's like getting fucked over twice in one go. First you tell me you want more shit when I'm about to ring you up and then after I make it you start shifting through your money and end up not having enough for the extra I just went out of my way to go make for you. God damnit that pisses me off! Moral of the story: Don't order more than you can afford. (Common sense 101)
The "Well, the other Subway does/has it!" people.
-*NEWSFLASH* Not all Subways carry the same things! You mad that we don't have Swiss cheese or mushrooms on the menu? Get over it.
"I'll have an *Italian*"
- Let me explain this one for a second, and I assure you after you know the details of this problem you will agree in an instant that this deserves top spot on any Subway Rants list. The problem with this sentence is that we have *various* things in our store that equals "an Italian." First of all, we have a bread choice that is an Italian, and THEN, we have two different types of "Italian" sandwiches. The Italian BMT and then the Spicy Italian. I really really dislike it when people say they want an "Italian" because they could mean any of these several things I just listed. And then God help us if we choose the wrong one.
People who say they want "double meat" but don't want to pay for it:
-It's amazing how many people are out there who think the rules don't apply to *them* for some reason. Especially when our menu board says how much extra the double meat is. I love it when I ring them up and they suddenly get this shocked expression of horror as if they didn't expect it coming. I get sadistic pleasure out of it because they had it coming. Even more bonus points if they angrily snatch the receipt, sneer over it, and then angrily grumble away because there was nothing wrong in the receipt.
Subway Card idiots 2.0:
-You would think something so simple as a Subway card wouldn't cause so many fucking problems, but it does. Ranging from the "I'm going to forget to hand them my Subway card with my payment and then make a scene when their computers cannot add the points after the transaction" to "I'm going to hand them my Suwbay card and just stand there like an idiot and not tell them that I already have some money on the card instead of paying with the point system."
The rest will be posted later. (I exceeded the character limit) Keep in mind that this was nearly 2 years in the making and covers 6 volumes worth of rants.
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