The dumbest questions from customers

[Gurndigarn]

I've posted this elsewhere, but. . .
Me--What city, please?
SC--Maryland.
Maryland is a state, moron!

You don't understand. Maryland had two cities: D.C., and the rest of the state.

[MadMike]

The only difference here is in Blue cheese, it produces a pennicillium mold, which you can also get Penicillin from;

OK, I'm probably running the risk of being the latest "dumb question" guy, but I'm curious: Would blue cheese cause an allergic reaction to someone who's allergic to penicillin?

[Jester]

I have had people refer to Chicago as a state.

And D.C., incidentally, is not a city in Maryland, or a city at all.

Maryland and Virginia border the District of Columbia (D.C.), but it is part of neither state. It is its own entity. Also, there are actually TWO cities within D.C.: Washington and Georgetown.

/geography lesson

[repsac]

OK, I'm probably running the risk of being the latest "dumb question" guy, but I'm curious: Would blue cheese cause an allergic reaction to someone who's allergic to penicillin?

Not a dumb question. I actually get that a great deal. The answer is rather hard though.

Yes, and no. You could probably eat it fine, but you'd run the risk of getting sick. I know, when I make it, I have to wear a respirator myself I'm so allergic.

[Antisocial_Worker]

I got some fairly stupid questions asked of me just tonight.

The hotel is sold out tonight. No rooms. None. Zippo. Zilch. Every bed's got a body in it.

Are we all clear on that?

If so, let me ask you this, then -- why have people been coming up to the front desk right past the "No Vacancy" sign anyway and asking if we have rooms? Further, when told we have no rooms, why do they ask --

"You mean you don't even have rooms for seniors?" (asked twice)

"Do you have rooms for AAA members?"

[Demolition Man]

Lemme see here....

"Where are the new release?" (which is right behind them as they ask)
"Where are the DVDs in the ad? (which they walked right past)
"Where is the checkout?" (which they are standing right in front of)
"Is this the bathroom?" (which they are looking right at)
"Is this Store X I am in? (Right okay we are really the competitor now taking up space in my store)
"You must get asked this a LOT?" (which explains why I'm trying to keep myself from running away from you)

[Jester]

Speaking of hotels, I can't count the number of times people have asked me, in my hotel, if I can get deals for them on rooms. That would be fine....except for the fact that I am a bartender in the hotel, and have no access to any computer system other than the ones at my bar. I can't get you any better rate than you can get yourself, as I have just as much access to the front desk/reservations/room rates computer system as you do. Right. None.

[Antisocial_Worker]

Speaking of hotels, I can't count the number of times people have asked me, in my hotel, if I can get deals for them on rooms.

In relation to that, I just got asked another dumb question!

Or at least I think it is -- a woman just came in, roamed the lobby, and then asked if we have any of those little coupon books laying around. You know the ones -- they're filled with coupons you can use to get discounts on hotel rooms.

Why would we have that? It is not in our interest to undercut ourselves. The coupons are out there for you to find, and if you bring one in, getting that discounted rate is like a little reward for you going on that little treasure hunt. You've gotta work for that discount!

[DGoddessChardonnay]

"You mean you don't even have rooms for seniors?" (asked twice)

"Do you have rooms for AAA members?"

I.E. (using the Soup Nazi voice): NO room for you!

Geez, it seems as if listening has went straight out the window w/common sense.

[Antisocial_Worker]

Geez, it seems as if listening has went straight out the window w/common sense.

Boy, is that ever something I don't need to be reminded of. Every day I say, dozens of times, "The lowest rate available is blah." Every day, dozens of times, the people answer, "But what about a discount for AAA/AARP/CIA/DVD/FBI/AARDVARK/ETC ?"

What part of "lowest rate" is not being broadcast clearly here?

[pbmods]

What part of "lowest rate" is not being broadcast clearly here?

Because it's the rate you're quoting them, and everybody knows that only chumps pay what everyone else has to pay!

On an unrelated note, one of my favorite scenarios that comes up about 4-5 times every day:

SC: "I need photocopies made of these documents."
Me: "We actually don't do document copies here. What you need is ******* just two buildings north of here."
SC (eyeing our photofinishing equipment suspiciously... I'll give him the benefit of the doubt... the first part of both words are the same....): You don't do photocopies?
Me: "Sure. For $3.99 each." (Technically true; I'm tired of customers giving me the, "Are you sure?" line, so now I just give them a price that I know they'll refuse.)
SC: "That's too much."
Me: "Then go to ********."

And now for the punchline. Are you ready for this?

SC: "Are you *sure* you don't make photocopies?"

[Cosmic Cat]

"Do you sell tools?"

I work in Sears (Craftsman Land).

[Mango]

Calling and saying something stupid is not so bad: we all do it BUT WHY else would a LIVE Human answer the farking phone? Do you think Big Corporation hires random people to answer the phone in a closed building?

Actually, this happened to me just this week:

Them: [Big music store], this is [name]!
Me: Hello, could I please speak to someone in the pro audio sales department?
Them: Actually, we're closed right now, but if you call back at 10 o'clock, someone will be able to help you!
Me: Okay, thanks. (Er, why did you answer the phone then?)

[Zinjadu]

At my grocery store, part of the 'superior service' shtick is that we have to ask every customer if they found everything they needed. Some of their responses are truly idiotic, but they think they're being funny.

When they ask where the bags full of money/new cars/new houses/whatever are, I tell them that those items are in aisles 45 through 57 (we only have 15 aisles), and if they can find them, load them up and get them home, it's all theirs.

When they say they couldn't find the winning lottey ticket (we don't sell lottery tickets), I tell them I just bought it and they're out of luck.

Or, sometimes I tell them that the manager keeps all that good stuff locked up in his office and they'll have to get past him and 2 assistant managers to get at it.

I believe in creative BS - it's a great way to entertain myself at work

[Sofar]

Do you sell American cheese? (You mean that stuff which isn't cheese whose main ingredient is an oil? No.)

I knew it wasn't cheese. It couldn't have been cheese. Well, everyone gets to like one cheap, nasty, and completely and totally artificial food product*, and with me it's American cheese. Or, at least it was until I tried Tillamook cheddar.

*Basically, something with the words "food product" on the label.