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The dumbest questions from customers

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  • #76
    Oh, I got a good one for this thread tonight. When I heard it, I thought, "This is so going on CS."

    Customer: Which checkstand is open?
    Me: *looking over at the ONLY checkstand with a checker, a bagger, its light on, and a line full of people, about 10 feet away*
    Um...that'd be 5.

    (And here's your sign...)
    Discourtesy Clerk, purveyor of fine hay bales, pine scented douche and stuff that's not in bins since July 2006.

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    • #77
      I got this tonight:

      Me: I'm sorry, your account is associated with unpaid order activity. (read: you bounced a check you wrote to us, numbskull.) You need to speak with our pre-collect department and get that taken care of before you can place any new orders. Their number is 1-800---

      SC: do I need that number?

      Me: Yes. Yes, you do.

      SC: ok.

      Me: it's 1-800-blah-blah-blah---

      SC: wait---

      Me: *waiting*

      SC: Well, aren't you going to give it to me?

      Me: ohhkayyy... it's 1-800-blah-blah-blah---

      SC: hold on, lemme get something to write with.

      Me: are you ready? good. 1-800-blah-blah-blah, blah-blah-blah-blah.

      SC: Now what's that number for again?

      Me:
      Because as we all know, on the Internet all men are men, all women are men and all children are FBI agents.

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      • #78
        Quoth ThePhoneGoddess View Post
        SC: Now what's that number for again?
        "It's your mother. She says you should call her more often."
        "At any time, for any reason and without any warning, a meteor could fall from the sky and kill us all."
        -- The Meteor Principle

        Galbadia Hotel - Free Video Game Soundtrack Downloads

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        • #79
          From my days at Six Flags:

          Where are the restrooms? (while looking directly at a sign with the words Restrooms and an arrow)

          What time do you close? (15 minutes after Guest Services made the closing announcements)

          Where is the entrance to the Texas Giant? (while looking right at the sign saying entrance)

          How much is <insert item>? (while looking at the pricetag)

          Why aren't the water rides running? (during an electrical storm)

          Why can't I stay outside? (while I'm trying to round people up near my shop to come in during a really bad storm)


          Of course I had dumb questions from other jobs, but the Six Flags customers,er I mean guests, took the cake. We used to joke that they dropped their brains off at the front gate.
          Question authority, but raise your hand first. -Alan M. Bershowitz

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          • #80
            Wanna know something I've done dumb a couple times??? Went to McDonald's and handed the cashier my Mastercard debit card without noticing the card scanner sitting in front of me. I guess I've been so used to just giving it to the cashier at other places that I dont even notice it right in front of me.

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            • #81
              Don't worry Ditchdj, my customers do that all the time. I guess our pin pads have a cloaking device on them or something. The usually don't see the pin pad and ask "Oh, should I swipe that here?" until after I've already put it through as credit on my side, at which point I say, "Too late! I'm done. Sign this, please "

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              • #82
                *while working in the bakery department*

                Idiot: Can you take the rolls from the front of the case where I am & not the back where you are? They're fresher up front, because they do not get hit by air so much.

                Me:
                "500 bucks, that's almost a million!"
                ~Curly from the 3 Stooges

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                • #83
                  Quoth Tito View Post
                  *while working in the bakery department*

                  Idiot: Can you take the rolls from the front of the case where I am & not the back where you are? They're fresher up front, because they do not get hit by air so much.

                  Me:
                  Someone's obviously never heard of rotation.
                  Discourtesy Clerk, purveyor of fine hay bales, pine scented douche and stuff that's not in bins since July 2006.

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                  • #84
                    Quoth Zinjadu View Post
                    When they ask where the bags full of money/new cars/new houses/whatever are...

                    <snip>

                    I believe in creative BS - it's a great way to entertain myself at work
                    As do I.

                    Whenever they ask for the winning lottery ticket/winning lottery numbers/bag full of cash/three hot blondes, the following conversation ensues...

                    JESTER: "Now if I had that, why would I share it with you?"
                    THEM: "Because you like me/us."
                    JESTER: "Yes, I do...but not that much!"

                    Alternative regarding the lottery/cash comments:

                    JESTER: "If I had that, I wouldn't be here asking you if you needed anything else!"

                    It's people like that that have made me add the disclaimer to my query about their meal....

                    "Do y'all have everything you need that I can legally and ethically get you?"

                    When they STILL ask about the four hot blondes, etc., I add

                    "...and are willing to get you?"

                    At that point, they tend to throw in the towel and admit that I am, in fact, much better at being a smartass than they are.


                    "The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is
                    Still A Customer."

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                    • #85
                      Quoth Jester View Post
                      I have had people refer to Chicago as a state.

                      And D.C., incidentally, is not a city in Maryland, or a city at all.

                      Maryland and Virginia border the District of Columbia (D.C.), but it is part of neither state. It is its own entity. Also, there are actually TWO cities within D.C.: Washington and Georgetown.

                      /geography lesson
                      As a Washingtonian I just had to correct your bad geography lesson DC is just one city. Georgetown is just an area of town just like Adams Morgon, or Dupont Circle (go dupont!). Plus everyone knows only yuppies and college kids live there now

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                      • #86
                        I had someone ask me the stupidest question I have ever had to receive.

                        I was working in the cigarette lane at work. Their purchases were 4 packs of cigarettes and some beer.

                        Me: Total is $12.95.
                        Woman: *looks shocked* $12.95? Why?
                        Me: *stares* Because that's what it rang up as.

                        I really didn't know what to say to that. I mean come on...four packs of cigarettes and beer isn't going to be under $10.

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                        • #87
                          Quoth Tito View Post
                          *while working in the bakery department*

                          Idiot: Can you take the rolls from the front of the case where I am & not the back where you are? They're fresher up front, because they do not get hit by air so much.

                          Me:


                          As if air molecules are all going to huddle in the back of the display case and avoid the front.

                          Now to the dumbest question asked at a re-enactors's emcampment:

                          "Is that a real fire?"

                          Stick your hand in and find out.

                          And another of my favorites, asked at our neighborhood association's winter fundraiser. It was held at a park on the shores of a very large pond which was iced over and snow-covered. To fully appreciate this question you have to understand that this pond is surrounded by glacial drumlins upon which are built hundreds of houses crammed together on tiny, steep, hilly lots. The name of the association holding the fundraiser has the word "Pond" in it. There were signs and displays everywhere about taking care of the pond, year-round pond recreation, pond ecology, etc. As if that wasn't enough, we kept referring to the sandy area near the playground as the beach.

                          The guy who asked the question had managed to hang out at the parkfor several hours without figuring out where the oft-mentioned pond was, because he stopped in the middle of our transaction, squinted in the direction of the pond, widened his eyes in sudden realization, pointed at the pond and uttered, "OH! Is that the pond?"

                          No, sir. That would be an extremely large, extremely flat field which, for some reason, nobody's built any houses on.

                          Of course, I didn't say that. I just confirmed it, explained about ice, and shared the story with the other volunteers later to much laughter.

                          I kind of wish I'd thought to tell him all that level empty land was for sale; if I could've closed before the spring thaw...
                          The best karma is letting a jerk bash himself senseless on the wall of your polite indifference.

                          The stupid is strong with this one.

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                          • #88
                            Quoth Sunsetsky View Post
                            Their purchases were 4 packs of cigarettes and some beer.

                            Me: Total is $12.95..
                            Wow! Here in Washington (State, not D.C.) 4 packs of death and a six-pack of destruction would run at least $25, usually more. You can get lower nicotine prices on an Indian reservation, but most reservations ban alcohol. Thank gord I don't smoke and rarely drink!
                            Some days, it's just not worth chewing through the restraints...
                            TASTE THE LIME JELLO OF DEFEAT! -Gravekeeper

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                            • #89
                              Quoth Dips View Post
                              I kind of wish I'd thought to tell him all that level empty land was for sale; if I could've closed before the spring thaw...
                              I'm sure he would have wondered why his basement kept flooding!
                              "My mother always said, 'Feelings are like treasures...so bury them.'"

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                              • #90
                                Stupid cust. 1

                                Customer: How much is this?

                                ME: *Looks at product's price tag* $xx

                                Customer: Are you sure?

                                ME: *Blinks* Yes. It's $xx. Says so right here.

                                Customer: How do you know? Can you check again?

                                Stupid cust 2

                                SC comes in. Throws down a pack of cheap cigs.

                                SC: Do you carry this brand?
                                ME: No.
                                SC: Do you have any cigs for under $2 a pack?
                                ME: Nope.
                                SC: Do you have any cigs that are comparable to this brand?
                                ME: I don't think so.
                                SC: *Goes to the cigar section. Grabs a packl of mini cigs* Do these taste anything like my brand?
                                ME: Sir, I don't know. I don't smoke.
                                SC: Do you know any other place that sells my brand?
                                ME: Honestly, I am not from around here. I don't know of any place. A store near where I live sells them. It will take you at least 20 minutes to get there. *Time: 9:45* They close at 10.
                                SC: Okay. I'll go there right now.
                                Last edited by blaubent; 10-16-2006, 09:50 PM.
                                At the end of the day, customers are NOT always right.

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