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Stupid Warning Labels
We've all seen them. On coffee: "Warning. Coffee is hot." On matches: "Warning. Flammable." It's the stuff companies have decided to warn people about so they don't get sued, but it should all be common sense. As uncommon as common sense has become, I think it's about time to add some new warning labels. These are all from actual experience.
On Laptop Computers
Caution: This computer is not intended for use as a pillow or seat cushion.
On All Computers
Warning: It is necessary that you use some form of internet security while online. Failure to do so may result in computer problems and/or identity theft. Neither manufacturer nor retailer will be held responsible for such problems.
On LCD TVs
Warning: Not intended for use as a dart board.
When Ordering Pizza
Attention: Do not become sexually involved with your partner(s) between the time you place your order and the time the pizza is delivered.
Music
Warning: Explicit Lyrics. Retailer is not responsible if your child repeats the lyrics in this music.
On Dryers
Warning: DO NOT put pets in dryer.
On Fridges
Warning: DO NOT attempt to mount any form of shelving to the exterior of this unit, particularly if such shelving involves nails or screws.
For Credit Cards
Attention: Attempting to apply for a credit card using another person's identity may result in arrest, fines, jail time, and legal action. It's called fraud.
On Me
Warning: Yelling and screaming at this sales representative will cause him to be less helpful.
Attention: Complaining that any of the above problems are the responsibility of this sales representative will only result in open mockery of your intelligence.
More to come...
On Laptop Computers
Caution: This computer is not intended for use as a pillow or seat cushion.
On All Computers
Warning: It is necessary that you use some form of internet security while online. Failure to do so may result in computer problems and/or identity theft. Neither manufacturer nor retailer will be held responsible for such problems.
On LCD TVs
Warning: Not intended for use as a dart board.
When Ordering Pizza
Attention: Do not become sexually involved with your partner(s) between the time you place your order and the time the pizza is delivered.
Music
Warning: Explicit Lyrics. Retailer is not responsible if your child repeats the lyrics in this music.
On Dryers
Warning: DO NOT put pets in dryer.
On Fridges
Warning: DO NOT attempt to mount any form of shelving to the exterior of this unit, particularly if such shelving involves nails or screws.
For Credit Cards
Attention: Attempting to apply for a credit card using another person's identity may result in arrest, fines, jail time, and legal action. It's called fraud.
On Me
Warning: Yelling and screaming at this sales representative will cause him to be less helpful.
Attention: Complaining that any of the above problems are the responsibility of this sales representative will only result in open mockery of your intelligence.
More to come...
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