Mess with my coworker, you mess with me....and you'll die of thirst.

[wagegoth]

My husband would kill to be able to deliver those messages. Please, seriously, we should consider this.

[Wingates_Hellsing]

"Hello, this is Fuck-U-Grams, we have a message for you from *beep*orperation"

"Yes?"

"F****k you you hary F**** C**T! We all hope you die in a river of your own ***** and take your criminally moronic freinds with you. F***** off, and die!!....
If you would like to respond to this message press 1, now."

*presses 1*

"If you would like to respond now, press 1"

*presses 1 again*

"If you would like to leave a responce longer than 3 seconds, press 1 now"

And on and on it would go... so as to waste their 'precious time'

[JoitheArtist]

No no no.

The Pwny Express.

Either one works for me.

[sms001]

Nice one Jester! At one multiple bar club I worked, we had phones. Dufus riles up one bartender and decides to try his luck elsewhere. Wanders toward me and my phone rings. I get the heads up and get off the phone just in time to tell Dufus I won't serve him. He wanders toward bar three, and I get on the phone.....

What many who haven't worked that business probably don't realize is that while to a customer who has only been there a few times a lot of clubs SEEM dark and chaotic and conducive to anonymousness, to an employee who's been there a while it is VERY easy to keep track of what's going on. We SEE YOU scumbag. And we RECOGNIZE you. Behave.

So many bar customers don't appreciate that we all actually know each other and are usually a pretty tight bunch, given that we work antisocial hours and lose most of our "normal" friends, so we become family.

A young lady and I had a minor disagreement and decided to no longer date one another. I was out a 'snooty' bar with fellow bartender Bones because a third friend worked there. Just kicking back and relaxing. Young lady appears and after an hour of shooting me "You don't belong here." looks from the dance floor has no effect, decides to up the ante. Next time I see her it's as she's throwing a drink at my face. (Perfectly good vodka tonic from what trickled into my mouth.)

I suppose in her head it was something along the lines of "I come here all the time and spend lots of money here and his presence bothers me and I'll do what I please to make him GO!"

The reality was, of course, what you just stated above Groveldog.
Miss X was suddenly flanked by (this place's rather large) bouncers who politely gave her the option of walking rather than being carried out. She looked rather aghast that three other employees had already come over to Bone's and my table with new drinks and plenty of towels.

We take care of our own.

[Peppergirl]

Jes - where was the wife when all of this was going on? Trailing him around obediently, I suppose?

Stupid bastard. Good on you for kicking his old ass to the curb.

[NightWatch]

On the Fuck-U-gram, I see that being... misinterpreted, that could turn out badly. Like the idea, but a name change may be in order.

Sms001, I can't believe she wasted a perfectly good beverage on your face. It's a good thing you guys stopped dating, she obviously has no sense at all.

[Wingates_Hellsing]

On the Fuck-U-gram, I see that being... misinterpreted, that could turn out badly. Like the idea, but a name change may be in order.

Sms001, I can't believe she wasted a perfectly good beverage on your face. It's a good thing you guys stopped dating, she obviously has no sense at all.

Errrr, how about:
"Association of Consumers, Congratulations Service"?
ACCS?

That would throw them for a spin

[NightWatch]

Errrr, how about:
"Association of Consumers, Congratulations Service"?
ACCS?

That would throw them for a spin

It's mysterious, i like it!

[Jester]

My husband would kill to be able to deliver those messages. Please, seriously, we should consider this.

I AM seriously considering this. I need someone who can build/design/edit a website. I do not have those talents.

The talent I DO have is the ability to be the anti-Hallmark. I can write scathing "cards" that people can buy to send to their targets, both witty and crude. I am nothing of not adept at insults. Hell, I am a magician that specializes in out-smartassing smartasses! (I really am.)

So if anyone has the above ability and wants to take a shot at this, PM me. I am absolutely serious.

She looked rather aghast that three other employees had already come over to Bone's and my table with new drinks and plenty of towels.

We take care of our own.

I had a similar experience. I was at a bar that I had formerly worked at, talking to a couple. I was not hitting on or flirting with the woman in any way, and was amicably chatting with both of them without a problem. He went to the bathroom, and She and I kept chatting. He came back, and somehow got it in his drunken head that I was hitting on his wife. This, despite the fact that She and I were in the exact same casual postures and conversation we had been in when He had left. Didn't matter. He decided he would assert his Alpha Maleness by putting his hand to my throat. She tried to dissuade him from this course of action. I would have attempted to dissuade him, but I was busy having my windpipe closed off, making negotiations rather difficult.

I did mention I used to work there. I am also a semi-regular there. Now, I may not have recognized the bouncers, but they recognized me. More to the point, they definitely did not recognize Him. And before my flow of air could be interrupted for more than a moment, three of them were on Him and dragging him down the stairs, none too gently. I don't know which shocked me more...his belief that I was trying to move in on his woman, his sudden attack, or the lightning reaction of the security staff to remove his hand from my throat--and the rest of him from the bar.

It really does pay to me known.

Jes - where was the wife when all of this was going on? Trailing him around obediently, I suppose?

Not precisely. When he was ranting at Curly Sue, I did not see her....didn't even realize he was with anyone. But when I got upstairs to the roof deck bar, a miserable old lady was sitting there, and she left with him, right after I told him his chances of getting a drink from me was less than my chance of being the starting center for the Phoenix Suns.

On the Fuck-U-gram, I see that being... misinterpreted, that could turn out badly. Like the idea, but a name change may be in order.

A minor detail that can be addressed in the future. I have already thought about it, mind you.

[Peppergirl]

The talent I DO have is the ability to be the anti-Hallmark. I can write scathing "cards" that people can buy to send to their targets, both witty and crude. I am nothing of not adept at insults. Hell, I am a magician that specializes in out-smartassing smartasses! (I really am.)

Might I respectfully suggest thehonestasshole.com ?

[wagegoth]

Maybe you could coordinate something with one of the companies that delivers dead flowers?

[AriRashkae]

Either one works for me.

My husband gave me a good-natured thwap on the head for the bad pun when he saw it. And giggled madly when he read back through the previous posts.

[Shironu-Akaineko]

Pwny Express now with shirt!

[AriRashkae]

Would you believe my wishlist at ThinkGeek is almost $4K, and that's only because my husband pointed out a few things I missed, and some was out of stock?

[Shironu-Akaineko]

Yes Ari, Yes I would, as Thinkgeek is a godsend amongst us.