Touchy feely customers that won't take the hint.

[Grrrrrrr]

Okay, first off, I am a man in my thirties, and NOT an 18 year old girl, so customers not taking the "don't fucking touch me" hint is not viewed as a big deal, and all and all, it is normally not as big a deal to me if it is happening to me. It is quite possible I am overreacting to a simple situation, but god damnit can someone PLEASE tell me the name of any culture on Earth where it is considered appropriate for a dude to put his hands on another dude after the latter dude has dropped MANY hints to knock it the fuck off?

I work the pharmacy department for the worst company on the planet, and I live in a retirement community filled with old people who like to bitch. After about 14 months of working in said conditions I have adopted the "they are going to bitch and complain no matter WHAT I say or do, so why go out of my way to help them at all" attitude. All and all, the attitude has made things at work a lot less stressful, but my new future career goal is to not get fired.

There are two elderly customers (both males) who are kind of touchy feely, but these two are a bit different. They will NOT take the hint. Occasionally a customer will go to put his or her hand on my shoulder and I will back away and the customer will take the hint, end of story. But I have the two previous customers (who give a MAJOR creedy old man vibe) who will sometimes touch with one hand on the shoulder, and sometimes with both hands a bit lower. No, nothing in the naughty areas. I would prolly go to jail for what I would do to them if they would ever try that. The big issue is the ammount of hints I have dropped, and how moving AWAY from them and their hands does not seem to make the situation real to them.

Creepy old man #2: This is just a little tid bit from last week, but I love the irony. I was stocking shelves on the bottom of the aisles when he passed and said "Now there is something that I like to see, a man working on his knees". This PROBABLY did not mean anything, but the irony gets a score of about 9.8.

Creepy old man #1: This is the customer who REALLY bugs me, and whenever he comes by he is always smiling which is normally a good thing, but not when you are constantly backing away because he will no allow you two feet of personal space, and the guy won't, hmmmmmm.... what has been my mantra for this post? Oh yeah, taking the hint.

A few days ago creepy old man #1 came by and asked a question, I honestly cannot even remember what the question was. He made it a point to get within a two feet of me, and I made it a point to stay 5 feet back. After I answered his question he stepped forward with a hand, and I moved away, and he moved into me and brought the hand closer, and finally I had enough and knocked it away.

A few minutes later I saw COM#1 talking to one of my coworkers. I am sure he was complaining. The coworker (who I do trust) did not mention the complaint to me, and I am not sure if she was trying to keep me from worrying or what not. All I know is that in a time when people are getting laid off right and left, the associate famous for never smiling knocked away a customers hand.

So the question, am I over reacting? The part about COM#1 that really bugs me, is that you can time your watch to his moving his hand or hands, and quite frankly, I am sick of the situation.

[Whiskey]

Didn't read the thread, voted "keep your hands to yourself." Wait for an edit to appear.

"Now there is something that I like to see, a man working on his knees".

That means exactly what you think it means.

I would ask your manager how to handle this. I can't honestly think of a way to tell them not to touch you without them bitching. It might be a custom in their family to just be touchy. A lot of italians I've been around are EXTREMELY touchy. You could just try the straight forward "Sir, I would appreciate it if you would refrain." and motion to his hands?

[Marmalady]

I don't think you're overreacting, and even if you were, why should you have to put up with being touched by anyone who you don't want to touch you? Why should anyone?

We are there to serve the customers, but that doesn't make us public property. Whether you're 18, 40, male or female, the point is that it makes you uncomfortable and you have the right to tell them to stop it. I'd try Whiskey's approach first, and if that doesn't work, put in a formal complaint to your manager.

I understand the fears about being laid off, but you shouldn't have to put up with this creep's hands on you just to keep your job.

[Akasa]

NO TOUCHY!!!!

I will bat your hand away and if you touch me again or grab me I will grab your hand and go for pressure points. I make all my managers aware I suffer from PTSD and those who can't keep their hands to themselves get what's coming to them.

[ZedOmega]

Harassment is harassment no matter what gender the recipient is. If subtle hints don't work, "Do not touch me, or you will be removed from the store" tends to.

[LillFilly]

You've give them fair warning, so it's not overreacting at all. Those men just sound...creepy.

[Mr Hero]

I'm in the same boat as TC. The only physical contact that I'll allow universally is a handshake. Anything more than that is a case by case basis. I'll allow hugs from girls (none yet) but only if they're not drunk and not with anybody.

[SourRobot]

I understand that in some cultures the personal space can be smaller and touching others is more of the norm, but people really need to think before they act. I absolutely cannot stand to be touched by others, so when they put their hands on me I flinch and squirm until they take their hands off. I actually had a customer put her hand on my shoulder the other day and I quickly lowered the shoulder until she let go.


I hope you don't lose your job just because some guy got butthurt that you didn't let him touch you, but I wonder if they just simply did not get the hint or didn't care. And I'm with Whiskey on what the man said. I'm sure he meant it the way you thought.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

That means exactly what you think it means.

I agree. And if you were a woman there would not even be a discussion about whether your discomfiture was warranted.

Men should not be expected to endure this sort of thing any more than a woman should.

[Sheldonrs]

The "On his knees" comment is sexual harrassment, period. The rest is intrusive, rude behavior and should NEVER be acceptable.

[Magpie]

I understand that in some cultures the personal space can be smaller and touching others is more of the norm, but people really need to think before they act.

QFT. If the person has assimilated well enough that the OP didn't feel a need to mention the cultural background, then reaching to touch someone is unacceptable. (Even if they haven't, you can get away with telling them to stop, and don't worry too much about just hinting subtly). Standing too close might happen because they don't notice, but reaching out, not so much.

[firecat88]

O.o And I thought hospitals were the only places with skeezy old guys.

I don't think you overreacted at all. I probably would have done the same thing. Hell, I came very close to it the other day. I was at the end-of-the-summer picnic for my mom's work (I go with her to this thing every year because 1) Hey, free food and 2) One of my mom's co-workers is my future voice coach). One of her co-workers had brought...I dunno if it was her kid or her neighbor's kid or what. This little girl, whoever she was, has zero concept of personal space.

I generally don't like for people to get into my bubble anyway unless they're a really good friend, but this girl-- who was old enough to know better after being repeatedly told to stop and being pulled away-- made it just downright awkward. The first thing she did was get reeeeeeeeeeeeally wide-eyed (pretty much like this ) and get so close to me that she was practically sitting in my lap. This freaked me out enough that when 'forementioned co-worker said "Come over here and sit by firecat! ^-^" to the girl, my first thoughts were 'Oh...frig'. For the most part, things were ok for the rest of the party, and there were no incidents until later.

Everyone was packing stuff up and putting away the food, and I was just people-watching. Same little girl gets that wide-eyed stare again and starts walking toward me. I move back, she moves forward. I move back more, she reaches up and puts her hand on a place I do not like to be touched by anyone (no one touches ma boobies. It's just not nice). Only *then* was she called off and pulled away. x.x; People frighten me sometimes.

[Aisling]

Definitely creepy dudes. I don't blame you for wanting them to knock it off.

But you haven't actually told them that, either. A lot of men are incredibly dense when it comes to hints, so you should definitely tell them flat-out. Next time they reach for you, step back, look them in the eye and say, "Please don't touch me. You need to respect my personal space."

If they continue to act creepy after that, go to your managers and point out that these old creeps are harassing you, and that you refuse to serve them.

[MoonCat]

That first guy was definitely creepy and I agree, a comment like that is sexual harassment. You could possibly argue that any touching equates to that.

You need to establish boundaries with clear, polite statements in a firm voice: "Please do not touch me." Spoken while stepping away, and look them in the eyes when you say it. But also your managers need to take this seriously. If your company has a written policy on sexual harassment, get a copy from HR and if you can't get your boss to take your complaints seriously, point out what the policy says.

The offenders are old and may have some personality changes going on due to dementia and/or medications, but that is no reason to put up with this crap.

[Virulent]

I would never do that to another man or woman, no matter what their age is. I expect to be treated similarly. If you are in the West, and I'm guessing you're probably in the US, the culture is in both the North AND South one that emphasizes personal space (even to an extent on personal transit). These two old men very likely know what they are doing. And the one who made the knees comment is a pervert. That is never an acceptable comment to someone you don't know. And it's rarely acceptable towards someone you DO know.

If they don't take nonverbal cues (which are easy to ignore), then you should escalate to telling them to back off. Keeping the warning polite is difficult. But if you don't tell them verbally, if something does happen, the old buggers will just say that you never said you didn't like what they were doing.

This URL gives some good cues on how to politely tell someone who's touching you/in your space to fuck off. http://www.wikihow.com/Get-a-Coworke...Personal-Space I think most of it works for any "professional" situation.