Royal Marriage = Broken Contract

[Jester]

I not only couldn't give a crap about the royals, I could give less than a crap. Hell, I could give less than no crap. That's right, I could give negative crap. Which means, if you think about it, that the Royals actually OWE me me a crap.

Here are the reasons I would bother watching any of this crap on tv:

1. If it would actually get me out of work like the idiot in the OP thought it would. Wait a minute....I actually like my jobs. So this one only applies if, at the time of the wedding, I work some place that I don't like.

2. If it gets me laid. There are some things I won't do to get nookie, but joining some chickadee watching a fairy tale wedding? If that'll get me in her pants, fire up the BBC, me laddie!

3. If I'm home sick that day and there is nothing else on. And by nothing I mean NOTHING, including (but not limited to):

--stuff on my DVR I've been planning to watch for months but haven't gotten to yet;
--re-runs of shows I like and have already seen, but would watch again;
--any good movies;
--any bad movies that are amusing to watch;
--any shows involving various crashes and wipeouts in sports and sporting activities;
--any show featuring stupid criminals;
--porn;
--most of the programming on the Food Network;
--much of the programming on the Travel Network;
--any True Blood episode, no matter how many times I've seen it;
--Sesame Street (if I'm really high on cold or flu meds, because then it's like being stoned, and that shit is hilarious when you're stoned)
--any Simpsons or South Park episode ever written;
--any episode of Scare Tactics, no matter how annoying the host is;
--Olympic bobsledding.

However, there are some things that I would watch the idiocy of the Royal Wedding over, such as:

--anything with Pauley Shore in it. And I mean ANYTHING;
--any show on Bravo that doesn't involve cooking;
--Oprah or any of her clones;
--E!;
--MTV;
--anything involving country music;
--anything involving bass fishing;
--anything involving country music AND bass fishing;
--NASCAR. Unless there are a lot of wrecks;
--Tennis. Unless it's one of three things: 1. McEnroe freaking out. 2. Kournikova naked. 3. Sharapova naked;
--Golf;
--Curling. Unless it's Olympic curling. For some reason I am drawn to that like a moth to a flame;
--a replay of the 1997 Rose Bowl. I'm still fucking bitter about that one. Sue me;
--anything involving Paris Hilton Nicole Ritchie, or Lindsay Lohan, other than their executions.

Yep, that pretty much sums up how I feel about the Royals and their fucking weddings. Other than providing good mocking material, such as this, not worth as much of my time as a good, satisfying fart.

[chainedbarista]

is that you fergie?

i'll never tell...

[Mytical]

Just like the love lives of celebrities, or their problems with the law, or whatever .. sorry to say this is about as exciting as watching grass grow. Maybe even as exciting as filming grass growing, then watching it in slow motion. Like 1 frame every two hours. Heck 'The Hole' is more exciting (for those who do not know what I mean by this..PM me and I will explain).

[georgie]

i'll never tell...

until an undercover journalist offers you money

[aurelemsrealm]

This kind of hype is one of the reasons why I decided to switch majors from journalism to computer science and accounting. After working a few newspaper and radio jobs, I decided working in the media is not for me.

I only like to write when I'm writing about things which interest me. The media is driven by celebrity hype, political spindoctoring, and other such issues which do not interest me.

Plus, discovering a few business classes along the way showed me I was more interested in studying career fields which seem more practical and useful.

[draco664]

Which means, if you think about it, that the Royals actually OWE me me a crap.

The queen always travels with a royal cartographer, because any craps she produces while abroad are technically British soil.

[dalesys]

The queen always travels with a royal cartographer, because any craps she produces while abroad are technically British soil.

Oh pooh!

[Jester]

The media is driven by celebrity sex, political shinctering, and other bullshit which interest far too many people who really should find something better to do.

Corrected for truth and accuracy in reporting, by a former broadcasting major.

[Kristev]

Actually, I'm happy for them, don't see a problem with having a royal family with merely vestigal powers, and hope the Queen has the sense not to grant Charles the throne. William seems far, far more sensible.

[SongsOfDragons]

I'm a Royalist but I certainly wouldn't let it get in the way of a job opportunity. They only reported their engagement yesterday; the wedding isn't until April-ish next year!! Is the guy's deadline this week, or next year? Because if it's this week, the news has already moved on and there's no more to say...

[C. Cecil Ivanish]

Wow. A writer willing to blow a book advance for William's wedding.

No, no, no, wait - not for William's WEDDING, for the news coverage of his engagement (that apparently happened several weeks ago, although it was made public only now - yes, I read the Metro during lunch break).

[Justsomegirl]

My husband loves to wright. He has so many ideas but find a publiser is not cheep and we don't have much money. So only our family reads what he wrights. It is a same though.

OH but yeah, if you talking a deadline he would mis a Packers football game to get done in time. It must not mean much to that guy I guess.? Don't know why.

Oh and I'm over in the US I never watch the news but I did see a smal snipet on the tv at work. I was on breack.

[MoonCat]

Because if it's this week, the news has already moved on and there's no more to say...

Not yet, they haven't. Just look at the range of topics: The venue, the clothes, details of the ceremony, the fact that they've lived together, that she's a commoner, how her parents made their money, how would Diana have reacted, etc. And that's only what I heard on the BBC last night. Just wait til the "light new" shows like Inside Edition really get started. You won't be able to get away from it.

On the bright side, it's a break from constant coverage of Sarah Palin, Lindsay Lohan, etc.

[Rhania506]

Okay I'll admit I am excited about the news of the of the wedding. But it is fpr one reason only. I am curious to see if the news will in any way affect the ramblings of Gravekeeper's Hot Tips callers. I mean, what happens when the son of the Antichrist gets married?
Sorry GK
~Rhania

[AccountingDrone]

I feel sorry for the poor girl....she's probably being setup just like William's mother was. Cause you know he's next in line for the crown after his Dad, who will probably never see it anyway. It'll be like Charles and Diana all over again.

I don't know, she doesn't seem as feckless as Di was. She actually seems to be fairly grounded in the real world. Di always struck me as some precious snowflake who was raised to be a designated brood mare, and had no real idea on how the real world worked. Kate seems to be much more alive in the world, and not sitting on a shelf waiting for her prince to show up to claim her.