Let Me Tell You How I Really Feel

[Jester]

Where to even start?

I am officially on vacation now, so my tales will come to an end for the next few weeks. As I plan to do little else except lay around the house, making an odd noise. This will be my first vacation in over a year in a hal...

Wait, you have several weeks of vacation, and your only plan is to lay around the house? Please tell me that you were exaggerating, that that was your use of poetic license, and you have some plan to do something good for yourself, whether it be to go somewhere, enjoy something in Vancouver you don't normally get to enjoy, such as some natural beauty, theater, social activity, what have you....but something.

SC: “Oh, can you tell me how to drive to the <some random hotel> from the airport?”

"Why yes, yes I can. From the airport, you want to take your first right. Keep going until you see the next right. Take it. Continue along that road until you can turn right. After taking that turn, you will see another right. Take it. Now, you will either end up back at the airport or not. If you end up back at the airport, get on the first plane back to wherever the fuck you came from, never to return. If you don't end up back at the airport, keep making rights until you run out of gas or develop some common sense. Me, I'm betting on the empty gas tank myself."

Klaatu Barada Nikto

"Givmme some sugar, baby."

SC: “And that is, stopping someone from using my mind without my consent.”

Using this person's mind without their consent is the equivalent of taking your neighbor's broken down car without his consent. You know the one--'81 Chevette, broken clutch cable, only one of four brakes actually working, engine sputtering, shocks gone, the kind of car that, if it actually had a radio, the radio would be worth more than the entire rest of the car? Yeah. Like that. Only minus the running motor.

(Sadly, I did not pull that car out of thin air or even my imagination. Ended up as a passenger four-wheeling in it in the desert on New Year's Eve 1987. Hell of a party.)

.....on...top of that? I think 20-40% off normally $300-400 jackets and coats is remarkably generous. And you want a sale on top of that?

Generous, reasonable, and fair. Which is naturally why this douchewaddle is not satisfied or happy with it.

SC: “C'mon man, it’s Black Friday, ya’ll GOTTA have a sale!”

Total Black Friday sales at my place of employment, other than the food specials we were already running anyway and the normal Happy Hour specials: Zero.

Proving that, no, you don't GOTTA have a sale on Black Friday.

SC: "He's smokin' on the driveway now."

...I'm not entirely sure what to say to that. Breakfast?

Grave, Grave, Grave. Breakfast? Seriously, dude? What are you thinking.

Seared and Smoked Squirrel is clearly a lunch-time meal.

Pfft. Breakfast. As IF.

SC: “…uh….what does that mean?”

"It means I'm dropping you from my fantasy team, that's for sure."

Sorry, couldn't resist. Some of you will actually get that joke. The rest of you...again, I'm sorry.

What were you watching? Saw 4?

Please. This dude wouldn't understand the subtleties, nuances, and plot twists in Saw 4. Hell, he'd have problems figuring out how to press "PLAY" on his dvd player!

That wasn't loose so much as slightly unraveled.
Loose would get me banned. >.>

Well then, in that case, for both your sanity and our amusement, please, get loose on fratching. Where such rants are allowed. Because I know I am not the only one who really wants to see you unleash.

yes, enjoy your vacation; you've earned it and then some. *wheels in a tapped keg of gk's beer of choice, pizza and all the snacks he can consume, plus a large supply of dvds*

Okay, GK, I know you've said in the past that you don't drink. But you are stressed out beyond belief, you are virtually pulling your hair out from your customers, and you have an apparently lengthy vacation coming up.

So I am suggesting--nay, ORDERING--that you go have some fun. Drink. Carouse. Get laid. Flirt. Meet people. Cut loose. Be one of those obnoxious douchebags on the Sky Train that drive everyone else nuts. Do something. But don't just sit around your apartment and do nothing. That is not healthy, and won't help you decompress all that much from the idiocy that are your callers, both from the Northern Wastes and other parts. In essence....

"You gotta cut loose, footloose, kick off your damn work shoes. Please, Louise, pull Grave up off of his knees. Jack, get back, c'mon before Grave cracks. Lose your blues. Grave ya gotta cut footloose..."

[Igorina]

As Jester opined, sitting around the house vegetating is only good for a day or two.
I'd suggest a nice relaxing massage, or three.
No matter what, I hope you can relax and enjoy yourself.

[Mr Hero]

I'd suggest a nice relaxing massage, or three.

With a happy ending?

[Igorina]

With a happy ending?

I don't think GK is that kinda fella, but if that is what he needs that's what he needs.

[Cymberleah]

Keep in mind:

An extrovert recharges by being around other people and loses energy when by himself.

An introvert recharges by being by himself and loses energy by being around other people.

Personally, I loved the tale of the mule and the cart. Anyone else get a picture of a mule with a very disgruntled look on its face?

[Kristev]

Wow. I can believe all that. I just wish I couldn't.

[El Pollo Guerrera]

As I plan to do little else except lay around the house, making an odd noise.

Have you run this plan by your cat? They tend to have other ideas...

Klaatu Barada Nikto

I finally watched that movie last night. Not "Army of Darkness", the original movie. Very good movie.

Oh, well, I mean if there’s any place to find a legitimate ancient grimoire full of dark secrets and rituals about summoning vast ancient evils it’s on the Internet via a Google search. I mean, let’s be realistic here, this isn’t really the sort of book that you could just walk into a Chapters fo-ok scratch that, Chapters has it in stock. 34% off too.

Hmph.

Well, once they stopped binding the book with human skin and started using, y'know, paper, then the cost of producing each copy dropped considerably.

STOP
SC: “*BEEEEP* Yes.”
SC: “*BEEEP* Z *BEEP BEEP*”
SC: “An-BEEP”
SC: “A-N-D *BEEP* BEEP BEEP BEEP”
SC: “S-P-A-N*BEEP* BEEP BEEP BEEP”
Me: “What is yo*BEEP* your phone number please?”
Me: “So xxx-BEEPx BEEP BEEP”
SC: “It’s b*BEEP* *BEEP*”
SC: "BEEP Box xxBEEP"
SC: "Oh...uh....sorry."

....."sorry"? You were doing that on purpose? Dude, what the hell? I...jus....what? Why? Why would you do that? What dark force is compelling you? Are the buttons shiny?

I know what is happening here... The guy has a cordless phone and he's pressing against his head as he talks.

Unfortunately, I know this because I have family that does this...

[Andara Bledin]

Anyone else get a picture of a mule with a very disgruntled look on its face?

Wait, don't all mules have disgruntled looks pretty much permanently?

^-.-^

[Red_Dazes]

I'd offer you a bottle of scotch to celebrate your vacation...and to numb the pain of stupidity....but I don't know if you drink it....and if today was any omen of how the week is going to go... I may need it desperately by Wednesday.

Enjoy your time off!

[C. Cecil Ivanish]

I am officially on vacation now, so my tales will come to an end for the next few weeks.

VERY deserved!
Enjoy it thoroughly.
I guess I'll need to read old posts to get my weekly GK fix.

[HawaiianShirts]

A thoroughly enjoyable post, as always. It got me all the way through breakfast, and I think I'm not ready to deal with the stupidity at my own place of employment (and I need that extra help lately--most of my co-workers are probably just a few IQ points smarter than the crazies that place orders on that "PANTS!!1!" line).

Regarding the Bear-Hunter-Ranger thing... I think I have an explanation.

When I worked at Major Electronics Retailer, one of the managers liked to play "icebreaker games" during every pre-opening meeting. One of them was Bear-Hunter-Ninja. It was kind of like Rock-Paper-Scissors. We'd all pair off (grudgingly, thinking we had better things to do than embarrass ourselves like this) and turn our backs to our partners. On the count of three, we'd all jump up, spin around to face our partners, and strike a pose.
- Hands in the air like claws and a snarl on the face = Bear
- Pantomime holding and shooting a rifle = Hunter
- Bad imitation of Bruce Lee = Ninja

A winner was determined by this criteria:
- Bear mauls Ninja.
- Hunter shoots Bear.
- Ninja beats up Hunter.

Whoever lost was out, and the remaining "winners" would pair up for another round. This continued until someone ultimately "won," much to the excitement of this particular manager, who would finally start talking about numbers before sending us off to do our work.

I'm not sure how a Ranger would replace a Ninja (Power Ranger, maybe?), but it sounds like the same lame game.

[Gravekeeper]

Ah yes, but then a (male) friend of mine maintains that men only see in 16 colours, a bit like Windows default settings.

Actually, the brain can basically only see colours it has a name for otherwise it performs a "closest match". Seriously. This is why an artist or interior designer sees "Cream" or "Bone" and Average Joe just sees white. Show someone each of them side by side and name each though and they'll begin to learn to recognize the difference.

Upping your colour depth is a matter of study rather than function.

( The More You Know~ )

It is a commemorative collector's edition of the writings of H.P. Lovecraft in their original printed form, spelling and grammar mistakes and ye olde English and all.

That too. But there is a fiction Necronomicon that has "real" contents. Rituals, dark gods, etc. Some people swear it's real. Even though it was basically just some dude that decided to write it after reading Lovecraft's work.

Hmm... I'm betting their candy-like buttons. Nobody can resist candy-like buttons.

The jolly, candy-like button. >.>

Wait, you have several weeks of vacation, and your only plan is to lay around the house?

This is indeed my only plan. I require rest and the silence that only hiding from humanity can grant me.

Using this person's mind without their consent is the equivalent of taking your neighbor's broken down car without his consent.

Sounds about right.

Seared and Smoked Squirrel is clearly a lunch-time meal.

Not knowing what squirrel tastes like prevents me from being able to quantify its meal placement. I probably should have assumed that it, like all other things, tastes like chicken and moved it into the lunch or dinner bracket.

So I am suggesting--nay, ORDERING--that you go have some fun. Drink. Carouse. Get laid. Flirt. Meet people. Cut loose. Be one of those obnoxious douchebags on the Sky Train that drive everyone else nuts. Do something. But don't just sit around your apartment and do nothing.

I am not the type of person who can combine "go out" and "have fun". Such things bring me no amusement. Also, I could not become that which I hate on transit. >.>

Keep in mind:
An extrovert recharges by being around other people and loses energy when by himself.

An introvert recharges by being by himself and loses energy by being around other people.

Precisely.

Have you run this plan by your cat? They tend to have other ideas...

To be honest this is largely the same thing my cat does anyway.

Regarding the Bear-Hunter-Ranger thing... I think I have an explanation.

Dear lord, thats actually completely plausible. I wasn't paying much attention to any poses they were striking. You just may be on to something. Although it wasn't a topic I really wanted a deeper understanding of.

Still, I'm betting you guys didn't start bent over with your asses pressed together. -.-

[Mondestrucken]

Have you run this plan by your cat? They tend to have other ideas...

And judging by what happened during my last veg out vacation spent with the cat, after a day or so, he comes to believe that he OWNS you, you are nothing more than a warm sleeping pillow for the feline head, and the complaints when you try to get out of bed or off the couch to, oh say, trivial things like eating or using the bathroom can get loud and demanding.

[Darkforge]

wow, some serious crazies there again GK.

Glad to hear you'll have some time off from them, i'm feeling similarly burnt out and in need of a recharge but i'm not getting any days off any time soon except for a long weekend over christmas.

Have a nice long relax and get yourself recharged, oh and feel free to gorge on the blueberry and cream cupcakes my other half just took out of the oven...

[Tora]

Ah yes, but then a (male) friend of mine maintains that men only see in 16 colours, a bit like Windows default settings.

This is actually true. It turns out there's evidence that people do not perceive certain colours until they have the language for it. Which is why women and designers are usually able to tell the difference between Bone, Eggshell and China White, while most guys just see white, plain and simple.