Oops! Did I say that???

[Barefootgirl]

She and the customer kind of went around in circles, until she finally got frustrated, and blurted out, "You just stick it up your tw*t and squeeze!"

I broke Rule 1. Big time.

*wipes monitor sadly*

[RecoveringKinkoid]

She was too embarassed to admit that maybe she was illiterate, but not too embarassed to ask a total stranger how to use something like that?

You know, I was initially a little shocked, but the more I think on it, the sadder it gets.

[OfficeSlug]

When people hand me a $100 bill, and I check it with the Counterfeit pen, and they ALWAYS say, "What? It's good. I just made it this morning...."

I got tired of THAT line (it's allllmost as bad as "If it doesn't scan, does it mean it's free?").

So now I moved to the phone, pick up the handset, and say, "Did you just admit to me that you are passing off counterfeit bills?"

They apologize REAL quick-like and get flustered.

It's fun to watch.

And they've learned a lesson at the same time.

[Department stores *sigh*]

i have said one or two things that i think i have posted before but nothing huuuuuge.

but its fun i in the backroom as i let loose any feelings fly.

'Those two asshats out there want a discount on an already discounted tv!'

'Dumbass one and dumbass two are back'

'entitelment whore is comin in again, page managment'

somehow i dont get in trouble for it and managers laugh. Back when i handed in my two weeks before i was offered more one of my co-workers said 'E*** what are we gunna do if dumbass one and dumbass two come around and we dont have you to listen to!?!?!'

good thing i stuck around sidenote: dumbass one came in yesterday and asked how my day off was as i was wearing my uniform and carrying a bike to the stockroom....just stared and moved on with my co-workwer laughing

[Strange Magic]

I have been let go from a couple of jobs because my mouth overrides the rational part of my brain.
I let loose with a mumbled just loud enough to hear it,"JeesusH.Christ" when I had a family that was making me cut carpet for them and then changing thier minds on it after I got it rolled for them. Turns out they were promanent in the holy rollor circles of the local area....
When I worked at a pawn shop I had free reign to give as good as I got (and then some)
During that time more than one person was refered to as a "Gaping Anus" or where told they can "Suck a fart out of my ass" or that their personality "blows dead bears"
We had one regular who was a uber bitch queen of the 'hood who always had a chip on her shoulder. My boss would actually call me up front to deal with her so he could watch me knock the chip right off. Our talks usually went something along the lines of ...
Her:What yoo meen dat my shit iz outta pawn?!!? You @#$%^ white peeple iz gonna do what's I say and gets me my shit back...NOW!!!
From there she'd pick a physical feature on anybody working at the shop and loudly talk noise to her usual flock of hood rats.
From there it was my turn to tell her that she probablly carried her diaphram around in a pizza box or that if she dropped her pantys to her knees...there'd still be p***y still in them.
I know I did a good job with her when her own friends started laughing at my remarks. They knew better than to escalate it since we let it be known that every one of us was armed.

[Azalea]

Two incidents come to mind. The first one was when I worked at the SINGLE worst place on earth, as an operator-standing-by for every infomercial on tv. Some perv-o called to order a GGW jiggle fest tape, and when I offered him the megapack of tapes, he asked, "Is it a good value?" Dude, you're ordering porn, I don't know, how much do you like boobs? My response let me know it was time to check the want ads:

"Sir, I'm not paid enough to care. Do you want it or not?"

The second time was while I was working for the Caring mail order pharmacy. Some jerk's prescription for Viagra was denied because it wasn't medically necessary. He went off on a tirade about how rx's for birth control pills were always approved, and they weren't medically necessary.

Quick fact about me: Two and a half years ago, I was diagnosed with endometrial cancer (the lining of the uterus). This could have been prevented if my spineless quack of a doctor had prescribed birth control pills to regulate my cycle and stop the endless bleeding that led to my cancer. See why I got a wee touch ticked off at this guy?

Me: "Let me tell you something sir, birth control pills ARE medically necessary to regulate cycles in women, and prevent them from getting cancer like I had. (I told him the whole story). So YES, birth control pills ARE medically necessary and Viagra is not, no one ever died from not being able to get an erection. You need it that badly, you pay FULL PRICE for your pills!"

Mercifully, I wasn't monitored on that call, and bozo apologized.

[janitordba]

i,and others i work with,are of the opinion that i should have been fired years ago for many of the things i have said. no specific incidents come to mind at this point,unfortunatly.

[Giggle Goose]

My brother was taking this one guy's order and he got pissed off at my brother because they didn't have french fries. He was rambling on about it being "un-American" and that he didn't know "how they stayed in business" (even though they've been there about 4 years and are doing quite well). And he also said the same thing when my brother told them he was sorry, they do not have Pepsi.

My brother replied: "Well, CVS is right next door. Go there and get your Pepsi, and then go to the McDonald's down the street, because they have french fries but not Pepsi. I don't think you can go to one place and be happy today."

The manager never found out and my brother said the guy's friend was just laughing at him, so he felt dumb and just shut up. My brother has brass balls, he honestly couldn't give a sh*t about that job. I, on the other hand, have no spine whatsoever and a customer needs to really piss me off, and then maybe I'll be a little short with them. Ahh, but how I've fantasized about ripping some asshole a new one. Someday...

[Antisocial_Worker]

I've told these stories before on here, but this is an appropriate place to trot them out again (like a Tennessee walking horse!).

Situation 1: A guest's wife had fallen down the stairs in our lobby, and despite the fact that our registrations clearly state that we're not responsible for any misfortune that might befall you here, he wanted money from us. Lots of it. He called and spoke to me, the situation went downhill quickly, and he began to accuse me of various terrible things including, but not limited to, a prediliction for various illegal sex acts.

Shortly thereafter the death threats began. He was going to come up here and fix me good, and barring that, he was going to have his brother in law do it in his stead.

The gloves came off. Actually they'd probably already come off, when he accused me of enjoying the sex acts, and I accused him of raping little girls in return.

But at any rate, after he threatened to kill me, or have a relative do it, I returned with...

"Sir, you may try, but I assure you that as surely as the sun rises in the east and sets in the west, if you do try, the police may find some of your remains but they will never find all of them. Do you understand the words that just came out of my mouth?"

Situation 2: A woman from Mt. Laurel, New Jersey (I will always remember that) had left her dog in her room for upwards of nine hours a day since the beginning of her stay, and I had posted a list on her door of all the rooms that had complained about that dog's incessant barking.

The woman retaliated with a poster designating her room a pet-friendly room, and noting that she had paid EXTRA for her pet-friendly room. There was much underlining.

Things came to a head when she came to the lobby and, ahead of four seperate parties of people waiting to check in, launched into a tirade about how she had never received such "piss-poor" service in a hotel because the housekeepers were refusing to go in her room, what with there being an unrestrained dog in there. The argument went back and forth until...

"Ma'am, I hate to sound vulgar, but frankly I am counting the seconds until you get back on your broom and haul your wicked green ass back up to Mt. Laurel, New Jersey, and your little dog too!"

Situation 3: A woman and her husband called to make reservations after our cancellation time, which means that reservations made after that time are final. I don't know why I tell people this because it only incites them to try to cancel the reservation.

She did. I refused. Hours later she arrived in a fighting mood. Because of me, they had gotten lost and had spent hours trying to reach us. The situation went to hell very quickly, riding that handbasket hard.

Some highlights:

She: "You know, if you don't like people, you shouldn't be behind that front desk!"
Me: "I love people! I just don't like you.

She: "I want your name!"
Me: *Gives it* "And make sure you spell that correctly because I just hate it when people misspell my name.
She: "I never misspell anything!
Me: "You must have been your mother's pride and joy, then.
She: "I was!
Me: "Then your mother should have had more children."

She did file her complaint, but to her credit, she did spell my name correctly.

[Antisocial_Worker]

Bonus snappy comeback, from the realm of mom. She worked for JC Penney for 18 years, until retiring a few years back. From time to time, Penney's would advertise a sale by giving all the associates t-shirts with the logo of whatever was on sale on them, or with the sale slogan on them.

This particular sale was for Adidas products, and so all the employees were walking around wearing black shirts with ADIDAS in big letters, and that logo that looks just a teense like a lotus blossom.

With that in mind, a degenerate who hung out a lot at the mall approached, with his degenerate friends, my mother and proceeded to ask...

Him: "I'm surprised they let you all wear shirts that say that. Do you?"
Mom: "Do I what?"
Him: "Don't you know what ADIDAS means? All Day I Dream About Sex. Do you?"

Mom looked him over. Working in the same mall, I'd seen this guy also. Somewhere in the neighborhood of 280 pounds. Glassy little eyes that managed to be beady and buggy at the same time, ratty little beard that looked uncomfortably like pubic hair, and, most strikingly, a dent in the side of his skull that could have easily cupped a baseball.

Mom: "Certainly not with the likes of you. Go away."

[Retail Associate]

When I worked in Pet & Garden a man approached me complaining about the price of a particular rake we had for sale.

SC: "Is the price on this rake correct?"

Me: (checks price tag) "Yes sir. The price is $14.99."

SC: "That's ridiculous. How can YOU (like I set the prices) charge $14.99 for this rake? Lowes has the same one for half the price!"

Me: "That's why they call it LOWES."



(Yes, I actually said that and he wasn't amused.)

[Gravekeeper]

I...inadvertantly...said something last shift that was like dropping a hand grenade in a chicken coop. ;p I wasn't even the one on the line nor was I talking to a customer...

We have these monitor stations, basically a second monitor that sits on the supervisor's desks and displays the current operator traffic / calls. Its for making sure things are going smoothly and no one's slacking off. Anyway, my co-worker's is acting squirrelly so she asks me to come over and fix it ( She's not the computer type ).

So I walk over, keep in mind the monitor is on her desk so I have to lean down next to her to get to the keyboard for it, and its pretty much locked up. This has been a problem with her monitor lately so I sighed and went:

"Yeah, its TOTALLY f**ked..."

....just as she answered a call on her system and I was definately within earshot of her headset mic. The caller was dead silent for a moment and then pretended she heard nothing.

><

[Jester]

"Sir, you may try, but I assure you that as surely as the sun rises in the east and sets in the west, if you do try, the police may find some of your remains but they will never find all of them. Do you understand the words that just came out of my mouth?"

"Ma'am, I hate to sound vulgar, but frankly I am counting the seconds until you get back on your broom and haul your wicked green ass back up to Mt. Laurel, New Jersey, and your little dog too!"

WE HAVE A WINNER!!!

Haunted, I honestly doubt anyone is going to top THOSE!

Myself, I am often shocked I have not been fired for a myriad of the things I have said. My current favorite phrase to people at my bar is "Shut the hell up." And yet the people LAUGH at that. I still don't know how I get away with that, or the myriad other things I have been known to say to customers.

Probably the one thing I said that was not meant in fun that was potentially fireable was to a coworker, so not sure it belongs in this thread. One of the few times I have ever lost my cool at a job.

[friendofjimmyk]

She was too embarassed to admit that maybe she was illiterate, but not too embarassed to ask a total stranger how to use something like that?

You know, I was initially a little shocked, but the more I think on it, the sadder it gets.

That's what I was thinking. Besides, if I remember correctly, don't those things also come with the instructions that have a picture diagram?

[friendofjimmyk]

The second time was while I was working for the Caring mail order pharmacy. Some jerk's prescription for Viagra was denied because it wasn't medically necessary. He went off on a tirade about how rx's for birth control pills were always approved, and they weren't medically necessary.

I can see this asshat in his doc's office - "but doc, I HAVE to get an erection or I'm going to DIE! DIE I TELL YOU!"